I've been back from my visit for almost a month (came home the 8th), and I suppose I should say something about it See, I've realized, and this gets worse with each one, that I feel the need to sort of hold them closely for a while, keep them to myself. I don't get it, no idea why it feels that way, it just does. So, I wait until I've recuperated a little, and can share without feeling like I need to race to the airport and stowaway on some European bound flight, like some crazy person. Love definitely causes some mental instability, eh?

OK, I got to spend about 2.5 weeks with my guy It was a good visit, our 10th, I think. I was surprised at how we fall into real life almost immediately, and with such comfort, like it's our everyday life. Like it's completely normal and usual to be together, but I guess that stems from the priority Raine places on everyday communication, despite losing so much sleep because of it. I'm surprised because Raine is a very shy guy, it used to take him hours to start feeling comfortable, but now it's almost like we just saw each other the day before. Our normal life is so nice, heartbreakingly nice, but more on that later.

We spent Juhannus (mid-summer) on a typical Finnish rock island, drinking and barbequing with friends, some I hadn't met before. Raine's friend Arttu thought it would be a good idea to bring the Swedish "delicacy", Surströmming along. It was the most fucking disgusting thing I've EVER smelled in my life, which is why he brought it, of course. I did not eat any, neither did Raine, and no amount of alcohol was gonna change that. We stopped at a beach on the way home, so I could finally play in the Baltic. I expected it to be freezing, but it was really nice, so we splashed around under the full moon for about an hour.

We went to the movies a couple of times, which we don't usually get to do that often, when apart. We took a dinner cruise around the harbor, which I definitely recommend to anyone finding themselves in Helsinki. We went to Tallinn for the day, I love that city. We drank at a few terraces, walked around a ton, shopped a little (Raine bought me a beautiful amber pendant), and I was finally able to buy my brother a bottle of genuine absinthe. It's not legal to sell in either the US or Finland, but things are a bit more lax (and a lot cheaper) in Estonia! Merry Christmas to my brother, Bob One present outta the way! My mom is pretty pissed at me for buying it for him though, but he's still getting it We celebrated Raine's birthday, I made a cake and he got a t-shirt and one of those I Love You beans from ThinkGeek, he was pretty happy. He's so cute about getting gifts, he unwraps them super carefully, and saves the paper, bags, and ribbons & bows. I make sure to encourage him to reuse the damn stuff, but I don't think he does

We took his mom out to dinner, it's always nice to see her, she's awesome, but she doesn't speak English, except for a few words. Raine and she start talking and he forgets to translate, so I end up as more of an observer. I do like visiting with her though. We went to Linnanmäki amusement park, which we pretty much do every summer. It's a great little park, lots of fun, and much different than the over priced, ridiculous, ginormous amusement parks we have in the US. There aren't two hour long lines to get onto the rides either, and you can get beer in all the food places.

When I got there it was HOT, like too hot for sex, so we went out and bought an air conditioner You gotta do whatcha gotta do. He'll probably only use the damn thing like 5 days a year, but it was for a very good reason! Finns are great at making houses warm no matter what, but they aren't so great with cooling them down.

We also had the pleasure of hanging out with TwoThree, and her nice husband, Timo. The time went by so quick, we almost forgot to take a few pics (TwoThree has one in the vet's pic section), it was so much fun. We were all comfortable right away, and chatted so much that it was suddenly time to go. I'm generally much more awkward than that, but they were so cool and nice! I hope to do it again soon We did get to poke a little fun at the guys talking about Finnish pessimism, I'm glad it's not just Americans that it bugs! Damn Finnish pessimism.... Definitely one of the highlights of my trip.

Raine was off the first week, but had to work the second I amused myself by wandering around the city, I hung out at the Esplanade park, window shopped the market place near the harbor, did a little sightseeing, saw the art museum (Skip it, not very interesting, and really small), found an excellent little dim sum place, talked to strangers, and just did whatever I felt like at the moment. It was OK, but boring without Raine.

The bad part about all of this is that with every visit, I realize more and more what I'm missing. Every trip makes me understand how I've finally found That Guy, but he lives over 4000 miles away. Sometimes the distance really gets to me. I just wish there was some way *I* could be planning moves and visas, and weddings, and all that terrific stuff everyone else gets to plan, that I read about you all with so much excitement, but always tinged with an underlying sadness. I wish that I could close this ridiculous distance somehow, but for the foreseeable future, it's simply not realistically possible, and I miss my Raine.