I want my boyfriend back.

I'm tired of who work is turning him into.
I'm tired of being by myself. I'm perfectly fine with only a few visits a year, but not with no visits a year.
I'm tired of taking to him when he's drunk from stress drinking. I get instantly annoyed and want to get off the call.
I'm tired of feeling un-missed, I'm getting resentful.
I'm tired of not taking my vacation time.
I'm tired of never being as important as the job.
I'm tired as fuck of talking about work every single day, immediately after getting home from it.
I'm tired of always being the good girlfriend, though it's my nature. I'm tired of being selfless.
I'm tired of always having to carry the conversation, of trying to be funny and light, of trying to get your mind off of your stress.
I'm tired of never hearing anything sweet, or cute, or funny.
I'm tired of not having any idea of when I'll see you.
I'm tired of you falling asleep on me. Maybe if you weren't drinking, you wouldn't.
I'm tired of waiting.

I've been kind of an asshole lately; as you can see, I'm tired I have several pm's I've ignored, I'm sorry about that. I don't mean to be a jerk, I just don't have the energy to answer anyone properly, of trying to be funny, or trying to give good advice, when I feel alone. Please don't be offended if I haven't answered, or commented in your blogs, or whatever. It isn't intentional or personal. I just suck at the moment.

The job situation for my guy is pretty dire, or at least he's sure he's going to get fired by our new IT director, ASAP. He's completely convinced, and he's become obsessed, seriously obsessed, over it It's almost the only think he'll talk about. The job situation in Finland is absolutely abysmal, and if he did lose his job, the reality is that he'll probably be out of work for a very long time, so I get it. Sort of. The thing is, and I could be wrong, but I don't think the director has any desire to fire him. He is THE go to guy, he knows more than the rest of us combined Director may want to demote him, as he is a tyrant who wants full control of everything, but I doubt he'd let his best person go.

But...it's been two years of this shit now, and I'm so over it. I want to see him again, and I want to take our vacation time together again. I want a little bit of his focus on me again, I want us to be normal again. He is the love of my life.

Of course, he hasn't updated his CV, though he's been talking about it all year I've also noticed that Finns seem to be stuck in their career choices, he doesn't think there is anything else in the world he could possibly do without another 5 years of education, whereas here, I'm used to people being much more flexible and innovative. But he thinks I'm the unrealistic one. The sad thing is, he could easily find work here, but he won't come. I've suggested checking Germany, the Netherlands, the UK, somewhere within a two hour plane ride home, in case of emergency, but he's not taking me seriously. I even know, separately from him and work, an IT recruiter in Helsinki I've offered to introduce him to via Linked In. She's a friend from an old diary site we both belonged to. She recruits all over Europe, and I told him that if he has to relocate, it'll only be for a few years, then he can go home. But, I can't help him if he refuses to help himself.

Sorry for the rant, I'm just feeling very alone tonight. Happens to the best of us, I guess. Sorry to be such a downer, I'm trying to think up something funny to end with, but not having any luck.