Hello good people, long time no write.

I figured it must be time for a catch-up, I've had an incredibly busy few months, and lots more coming.

In July, my awesome daughter and (very) soon to be son-in-law bought a house, and moved. They took all the pets with them, which I hate, but they were their pets. They only live 10 minutes away and I see them often, with the doggies, but I've realized I kind of hate living by myself. I'm super lonely. I'm also too old and set in my ways to deal with a roommate at all, I won't even consider it. Those same kids will be getting married next month, on the 21st to be exact, and then, I need to move, too. My huge, beautiful home that I love is simply too big and too expensive for just me, so I have to find something else before December 1st, when my lease is due to be renewed. I'm pretty sad about it, I love my house, I'll never live in one as nice again. Then after that, it's Christmas. The rest of the year will be very busy and very stressful.

Here's the thing though, Raine just told me, after knowing for months he needed off, that his vacation he just put in for, to come to the wedding, isn't getting approved. What. The. Fuck. He's supposed to appeal it today, and let me know, but to be quite honest, if he doesn't get off, I'm really thinking I'll end things. I get no support, or encouragement from him for anything. He's become a paranoid, grumpy curmudgeon, who hates everything fun, and everything is a hassle. He judges everyone harshly, and against himself, who he thinks is just so evolved and important. He's become a bore. Our conversations are surface-level and bland, as we share less and less interests. I've also realized I don't want indefinite long-distance anymore, I want someone who loves me enough, makes me enough of a priority, and thinks I'm important enough to move for. If not now, at least sometime in the future. I would never expect him to abandon his mother, but he hates the US, and all it stands for, so he'll never move here. He knows I can't move there due to the fact I'm practically unemployable there, whereas he is very employable here. I have my daughter here, but he doesn't have any kids.

Maybe if we haven't grown so apart, I'd feel a little differently, but my daughter moving and living totally alone for the first time, has made me realize I don't want to be alone for the rest of my life. As much as I appreciate my own time, I really don't like it 100% of the time. Other people get their happy endings and I just wish I was worthy of one too, as unrealistic as that might be. I have to at least try to have one, right? Even if I go my own way, I still might end up alone, I don't exactly have a line at my door waiting for me to be free, but at least the option might be there.

So yeah, not the best update, sorry about that Thanks for reading.