Big changes

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Hello good people, long time no write.

I figured it must be time for a catch-up, I've had an incredibly busy few months, and lots more coming.

In July, my awesome daughter and (very) soon to be son-in-law bought a house, and moved. They took all the pets with them, which I hate, but they were their pets. They only live 10 minutes away and I see them often, with the doggies, but I've realized I kind of hate living by myself. I'm super lonely. I'm also too old and set in my ways to deal with a roommate at all, I won't even consider it. Those same kids will be getting married next month, on the 21st to be exact, and then, I need to move, too. My huge, beautiful home that I love is simply too big and too expensive for just me, so I have to find something else before December 1st, when my lease is due to be renewed. I'm pretty sad about it, I love my house, I'll never live in one as nice again. Then after that, it's Christmas. The rest of the year will be very busy and very stressful.

Here's the thing though, Raine just told me, after knowing for months he needed off, that his vacation he just put in for, to come to the wedding, isn't getting approved. What. The. Fuck. He's supposed to appeal it today, and let me know, but to be quite honest, if he doesn't get off, I'm really thinking I'll end things. I get no support, or encouragement from him for anything. He's become a paranoid, grumpy curmudgeon, who hates everything fun, and everything is a hassle. He judges everyone harshly, and against himself, who he thinks is just so evolved and important. He's become a bore. Our conversations are surface-level and bland, as we share less and less interests. I've also realized I don't want indefinite long-distance anymore, I want someone who loves me enough, makes me enough of a priority, and thinks I'm important enough to move for. If not now, at least sometime in the future. I would never expect him to abandon his mother, but he hates the US, and all it stands for, so he'll never move here. He knows I can't move there due to the fact I'm practically unemployable there, whereas he is very employable here. I have my daughter here, but he doesn't have any kids.

Maybe if we haven't grown so apart, I'd feel a little differently, but my daughter moving and living totally alone for the first time, has made me realize I don't want to be alone for the rest of my life. As much as I appreciate my own time, I really don't like it 100% of the time. Other people get their happy endings and I just wish I was worthy of one too, as unrealistic as that might be. I have to at least try to have one, right? Even if I go my own way, I still might end up alone, I don't exactly have a line at my door waiting for me to be free, but at least the option might be there.

So yeah, not the best update, sorry about that Thanks for reading.


  1. C.C.'s Avatar
    It's so exciting that your daughter is getting married. I hope she has a happy life with her soon to be husband :3 And I really hope Raine makes it to the wedding so that you guys can discuss all of that irl too

    Also, this is probably something you have already considered but, is it impossible for you two to move into a third country? Somewhere in Europe maybe. Like, I mean, the way the US is built is so so different from Europe, I can't blame him for feeling that way about it. But would you be unemployable in other European countries too? IT field is demanded in most of the developed world, right? Would he be against moving somewhere like that too?

    Stay strong with whatever decision you make. You deserve the best and you should put yourself as a priority!
  2. MissButterfly's Avatar
    You always give such great advice, and it makes me sad to read that you think a happy ending is unrealistic for yourself. You are definitely worthy of one. I can imagine that after being together for so long you've kind of gotten used to it, but do you really think it's still worth it? You really deserve to be happy and loved and appreciated by someone who wants to spend time with you. I wish you a lot of strength and wisdom in deciding what you want and what's best for you (but I think you know)

    Also, yay for your daughter getting married! And it's great that she stayed close to you. I also bought my first home recently and stayed close to my family, I hope you'll continue to see them and the pets lots.
  3. erwin1973's Avatar
    I wish for you it all will still work out fine. Do you have any idea why he is acting the way he is?
    Congratulations with your daughter.
  4. C.C.'s Avatar
    Erwin, I don't know why he is acting like that, there are many many underlying things too obviously.

    But while reading that description, I felt like I saw many Finns in it. They are just more prone to those traits. I have gotten that idea from dwelling on online places where Finns post a lot. And from my own relationship too, it has been rarely bothersome, but I too, have and have had trouble with that at times. No generalisation, there are many who aren't like that, and many that don't show those traits in a way that'd be bothering, but still.
  5. erwin1973's Avatar
    That is sad to hear...
  6. Redheart14's Avatar
    Oh Moon. You DO deserve a happy ending. Eight and a half years is a long time, no wonder you're feeling this way. I remember your post when you went over there and you thought the relationship was over, that was able to be avoided so maybe there's a solution to this. But you do need to put yourself and your needs first. Hopefully he can appeal the decision and get over to you and then you can talk it out face to face. I'm thinking of you.
  7. emsimes's Avatar
    Ugh, major hugs your way
    I don't think I'd be alone in saying you're one of the most awesome people on this forum, and you always give the best advice to everyone <3 You so deserve only the best!! I really hope Raine can get his stuff together.. but if not, we all just want you to find happiness. And I don't doubt at all that someone as amazing as you can find it
  8. snow's Avatar
    I can only second all the ladies here! You do deserve your happy ending! I have always admired your strength for indefinite long distance, I knew I could never do it exactly for the reasons you stated!
    I always get so pissed at people who don't get the time off they REALLY need and don't fight for it. He had known about this for months, he should have fought for it, talked to his supervisor, made sure it was set in stone - there really is no excuse!!

    Sorry, all I'm saying is, we all love you and we know you'll get through this! Yay for daughters getting married!
  9. C.C.'s Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by erwin1973
    That is sad to hear...
    It is and isn't. Everyone has some particular flaws they are more prone to. Depends on their culture, social circle, household, personal development, etc.

    What counts is how much effort someone puts in to avoid it.

    Anyway, I don't want to ruin Moon's post. It's clear how bad the situation is. I seriously envy both of your patience, too. It'd be awesome if you resolved stuff and things changed, but the only thing that could make things better is closing the distance or having a plan for it. 8+ years is just too much. It's sad but I don't know. I know you are strong and you will be able to push forward no matter which path you take.

    What matters is taking the path you are the most comfortable with. And if you falter and aren't able to push forward anymore you can always come here, tell us and ask for help
  10. Redheart14's Avatar
    Hope things are improving
  11. Honour's Avatar
    I'm late to the party, but just wanted to add I'm sorry to hear you're experiencing this Moon, but like the others have said, you deserve to be happy. Hope things get better for you soon!
  12. abna1's Avatar
    You deserve the best and I hope you find happiness no matter what you decide. Sending a big