Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

is 3 years too much for LDR?

Collapse
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

    is 3 years too much for LDR?

    I recently read that the average LDR lasts 14 months. With this and with many other insecurities I find myself in a difficult situation.

    My boyfriend of 2 years just finished med school and has matched for a residency program. While we don't know where exactly (they will announce it on Friday 3/17), we do know it wont be in NY (where we both live currently). His interviews were in other states (he unfortunately did not have any interviews in NY -- even though he applied). The program will most likely be for about 3 years, and while we haven't sat down to discuss our options, I'm open to trying LDR, but wondering if 3 years will be too much for us.

    He's been an important part of my life these past 2 years and not being near him will leave an empty hole in my heart.

    Is 3 years too much? Has anyone done something similar?

    #2
    You both need to talk about and decide that, we cant.
    But plenty have. Moon is on 8 years I think, and some over a year and haven't met irl. Military separate a lot as well. So yeah, its something that happens a lot.
    Last edited by sasad; March 16, 2017, 06:37 AM.

    Comment


      #3
      We have been doing this for 5 years now. Some have even longer and some will still continue for decades. Everyone is in a different situation. 3 years is too much if you feel it is too much. You just need to talk what you both want. Also you can try LDR and if it doesn't feel right then you can stop. Decisions don't have to be final.

      Comment


        #4
        My wife and I were in LDR for a little over 5 years before we finally closed the distance. LDR isn't for everyone, but if you are determined and it is what you want then you can make it work.

        "True love isn't about being inseparable; it’s about two people being true to each other even when they are separated."
        Married April 18th, 2015!!
        Distance Closed October 4th, 2015!!

        Comment


          #5
          My SO and I have been together a total of 4 years (6 months, a break up, and back together 3 1/2 years). We got married last November and probably won't be able to move to the same place until the end of this year or the beginning of next year.

          Only the couple can make it work. Don't stress yourself out over something that hasn't happened....instead figure out ways together to make it work.
          To those who dream, nothing is ever far away.

          ​Distance is to love as wind is to fire. It blows out the little ones and fans the big ones.

          Comment


            #6
            Most of us will find ourselves in LDRs for 2-3 years plus before the distance can be closed. It's not just down to the couple (that's obviously the biggest factor), but real life circumstances cannot always work in our favour. It just depends and varies between couples. One member on here has been in her LDR (as far as we know) for over 10 years!

            Comment


              #7
              4 1/2 years going strong here. It can be done if both parties want it.

              Comment


                #8
                I agree with the posts above, it can be done. For us it's 1 1/2 years, it's hard but we manage

                Comment


                  #9
                  An average is just a number. If one LDR survives a week and another LDR survives for 2½ years, the average is pretty much 14 months... But was does that mean? Right. Nothing.
                  There are lies, big lies and statistics. Don't believe numbers from statistics. They mean nothing.

                  My first LDR took 3 years before we got married and then another year before we closed the distance. For us, that did work. And that was in the time there was no Skype. We wrote letters (by regulair mail, because she didn't have a computer!) and we called (by phone, costing a fortune).
                  Distance means nothing when someone means everything.

                  Comment


                    #10
                    We're another couple who did a little over 5 years apart before moving in together. I'd say statistics do have value in getting an idea of how difficult LDRs can be for most people, but it gets pretty silly to try and apply a large and very general statistic to a single couple. How long is the average close-distance relationship? Maybe 2 years? Yet, there are so many couples who spend their whole adult lives together. People who really want to be together will do what it takes. If you're concerned about missing out on all those years of being together in person, that's valid too.
                    Last edited by CanadianGirl; March 16, 2017, 01:30 PM.

                    Married: June 9th, 2015

                    Comment


                      #11
                      Depends on your situation! I've been in an LDR for over 3 years now. Going strong and hoping to end the distance late this year or early next year.

                      Comment


                        #12
                        Well I mean, when an LDR ends it could be because the couple has closed the distance... so yeah I agree with all the others who say to be wary of the statistic.
                        So, here you are
                        too foreign for home
                        too foreign for here.
                        Never enough for both.

                        Ijeoma Umebinyuo, Diaspora Blues

                        Comment


                          #13
                          As someone who really looked into ldr statistics for a college project, i have to say some of them are just really crap studies that were only done by asking only 100 people from one specific university 10 years ago so really, don't worry about what they have to say. As everyone else has said, every couple is different and is in a different situation so you shouldn't compare yourself to others. I know for a fact that statistic about ldr lasting 14 months on average is a very American specific one based on if the people involved are just over 1000 miles apart and haven't lived/been together before that. Yes ldr are tough but if you love someone you have to try it :3
                          my girls <3

                          Josie (SO)
                          Met online ~ 17th August 2017 ~
                          Met in person ~ 30th August 2017 ~
                          Became official ~ 15th September 2017 ~
                          Closed the distance and moved in together! ~ 18th June 2018 ~

                          Ash
                          Met online ~ 21st November 2018 ~
                          Met in person ~ 26th November 2018 ~
                          Became official ~ 4th December 2018 ~
                          All moved in together! ~ 30th May 2019 ~

                          Comment


                            #14
                            Originally posted by 429z View Post
                            I recently read that the average LDR lasts 14 months. With this and with many other insecurities I find myself in a difficult situation.

                            My boyfriend of 2 years just finished med school and has matched for a residency program. While we don't know where exactly (they will announce it on Friday 3/17), we do know it wont be in NY (where we both live currently). His interviews were in other states (he unfortunately did not have any interviews in NY -- even though he applied). The program will most likely be for about 3 years, and while we haven't sat down to discuss our options, I'm open to trying LDR, but wondering if 3 years will be too much for us.

                            He's been an important part of my life these past 2 years and not being near him will leave an empty hole in my heart.

                            Is 3 years too much? Has anyone done something similar?
                            I had an LDR that was four years.

                            But the difference is you will have an easier time to go CDR.

                            First Visit: September 2016
                            Second Visit: January 2017 (Her birthday)
                            Third Visit: June 2018 (medical conference near her home)

                            John 3:16
                            For God so loved the world. That he gave his only begotten son. For whosoever believeth in him. Shall not perish but have eternal life
                            John 4:12
                            I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.

                            Comment


                              #15
                              [QUOTE=Honour;435025]Most of us will find ourselves in LDRs for 2

                              And visas too?!
                              We're only planning about two years before we close the distance as we've known each other online for 19 years.

                              I've researched a lot about LDR's during my first one which was just a nightmare, and I must say I've never heard of the average stat being 14 months; as everyone has said, it's totally up to each individual relationship and there's no wrong way of doing things.

                              (92!)
                              Met Online: 1998
                              Relationship began: January 2017

                              FIRST MEETING: June 2017
                              SECOND MEETING: October 2017

                              Comment

                              Working...
                              X