I'm 30, the boy ive been seeing is 37. He's a musician and was working in New zealand for six months and got back home to London last week. We started seeing each other in London around May last year then he had to leave for work. He's originally from NZ so whilst he was over there he was very busy with work, family and friends but he still kept in touch and told me when he'd booked his tickets back, and sent frequent messages saying he was coming home soon. Any time I ever took his lack of contact to mean he was no longer interested he would say I was being silly and working myself up.

After he left NZ he spent 3 weeks in Asia, he messaged me whilst there saying he was looking forward to seeing me, wishing me luck for a job I had and he told me I was beautiful and sent me a photo. He messaged before he got on the plane back to London telling me he was on his way back.

He told me when he arrived back with lots of exclamation marks and we've been in contact every day, he phoned me two days in a row but i missed the calls as i was sleeping. we managed to speak the night before last for 90 mins and it was a normal jokey conversation.

Yesterday, however, I asked would he be free this sunday to meet and his response was 'Can we talk in the next day or so I hate this kind of stuff '

So I asked what kind of stuff and that I was anxious about it too n he replied saying he was out with a friend who was leaving tomorrow n he'd 'speak tomorrow ' or 'maybe the next day :o'. and I got upset and said his behaviour was really confusing and i didn't understand what was going on and he just put 'not tonight'

I know him and this friend were doing drugs/partying all saturday night, and he had been with him during the day yesterday so it's possible by the time he replied yesterday he was already high so not himself. I phoned my friend and she seemed to think this was the reason as otherwise his behaviour was so contradictory it made no sense. A similar thing happened in January when he'd been partying at his cousins for a few weeks, regularly doing drugs, and he seemed to have a personality transplant and said he didnt want me to visit anymore because he felt he'd let me down, so I know partying can change him.

Otherwise if it's not because of drugs what is the explanation for him engaging with me, independently telling me he was coming back, and phoning me more than once when he was back, if now he's giving cryptic responses to me suggesting a day that we meet up? The whole thing is really upsetting me because it's been going on so long and I cannot work him out