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I am wondering about so many people

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    #1

    I am wondering about so many people

    So, I've now been on this site for years. LD is HARD, and so few of us have been successful. I would definitely consider my relationship a success. My husband still has to work in NY but he flies home every weekend and hasn't missed a weekend since he officially moved here a few years ago.

    So many people have just disappeared. Does that mean they couldn't work out their relationships? DoeS it mean they did and they don't need this site anymore? Have they moved over to FB? Died?

    I feel like I am so invested in their lives. Am I the only one who needs closure?
    sigpic

    I love him. Forever. And every day after that.
    Tags: None
    #2
    Died, that's quite extreme. Of course it may happen, but I'm not thinking about that.

    All these reasons may be right. We never know what may happen in people's minds. Some people may not be as active as usual, some others may be busier with work or personal projects (involving their other half or any other kind of project), some others may have a lack of interest in this forum or forums in general (or in other cases, they may not be very used to forums), some others may use only social media and e-mail ... There may be very different reasons.

    Being invested in their lives may be good as long as this is reasonable. I also noticed some members aren't coming here these days but I don't really know them since I am not one of the most active members here (I also signed in here later than many of you and didn't come during a long time). They'll come back here whenever they want to, and if they don't, this is their choice that we have to respect.

    I consider I am close with two guys from here, I quite wish to get closer to some other members, it will happen or it won't, and it's fine with me.

    I don't know if this will help you but that was my feeling when I saw your post.

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      #3
      I sometimes want closure on some cases in here. I've been on this site for about a year and I wish I had found it sooner. I think that within the past year the site has been less active and once the actives goes then people tend to find more active sites. I feel like this is a very supportive community and I wish it would be more active. Not saying people should be here 24/7 but I like the talks in here.

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        #4
        I understand completely...I've wondered myself where people go. But, it's their life, and if they decide not to check in once in awhile, there's not much we can do! Wishing them the best though
        sigpic

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          #5
          For me, my long distance relationship ended. Now I'm back in a long distance relationship, I check in on here every now and again but my life is so busy that I barely get time to check my own social media.
          60 days until i fly to texas.
          6th august 2017 - the day i made you mine.

          Comment

            #6
            i'm not quite in scope of what you mean, I don't think, but after being on this site since 2009, before the current version which started in 2010, I'm much, much less active now. Almost non-active. The reasons for my being so quiet are simple:
            **Most (but by no means all!) of the members I'm friendly with are gone. They've closed the distance, or they've broken up, but the culture here is different now, and it's not a whole lotta fun anymore.
            **After 8 years here, quite frankly, all the questions and situations are the same. I'm tired of answering the same issues over and over again. Not that they aren't worthy of advice, but these days, I leave it to others mostly.
            **This will be a bit offensive, but I'm OK with that. Too many really young people. Maybe I should say less mature people, as many of my favorite ladies here are in their 20's. I don't mean them, and you should know who you are But I'm finding myself rolling my eyes at people who argue over the advice they asked for, or talking about having to have "secret" relationships, which I can't relate to at all, defending relationships that are so glaringly toxic, it's ridiculous, etc., etc. Yeah, sometimes people older are saying those same things, but it's much less often. I do understand LDR's are more likely had by younger people.
            **People here are way too sensitive, and get offended too easily. Everything has to be unicorns and rainbows, and that's just not real life.
            Our separation of each other is an optical illusion of consciousness. ~Albert Einstein

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              #7
              I've noticed I hardly recognise the members now compared to when I joined this forum. I guess maybe if they've split being on here is a reminder of a time they'd like to forget. That's my guess.

              Comment

                #8
                I fully agree with your third point, Moon. Too much the same questions. Yes, every situation is unique, and every relationship it, too. But it looks like many (of these youngsters, also elder people) dive into something, find out it's different than they expected, panic, and think they are the only ones doing that. And it also seems like nobody is checking the other treads.
                What I really cannot stand, is that many don't even come online any more after asking a question. And I hate profiles that are not filled in properly... (that might just be me...)
                Distance means nothing when someone means everything.

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                  #9
                  It would be awesome to have LDR veterans here to give advice. Eventhough I'm sure some of my problems make eyes roll but some of these are really weird and makes me worried. Like after talking for 2 weeks online with a guy a girl is so in love and wants to change her self so that he doesn't leave her etc. Also some of these LDR s are a bit annoying. I mean distance is a distance and I get it. And I realize cities are big. But I have a bit of a problem with people who are in "LDR" in the same city. I understand the amount of time from other side of London to the other takes the same ammount as flying between 2 European countries. Or couples who see x2 a year eventhough they live 2h drive away. But that's narrow minded me.

                  I've been to a few relationship sites that have an LDR section. The problem with those is that anyone comments them so most of them are not in LDR and the advice is always "he's cheating" "break up" "LDR is stupid". Never anything constructive or understanding the reality of LDR.

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                    #10
                    I'm afraid I fully agree to you, too, Rezie. I don't think that living in the same city can be difined as an LDR, btw.
                    I don't think you're narrow minded on that.
                    Distance means nothing when someone means everything.

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                      #11
                      My thoughts are echoed in your words, Moon, and you put it way better than I could I haven't been here as long as Moon has, but I've been here since 2011, just under a different account and name (from when I was with my ex). I just feel the exact same way. Plus, as of late, I just haven't felt the energy to be as active.

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                        #12
                        I feel the same way, moon. I roll my eyes more often than I care to. However, I think about so many people who were active and i still feel cheated.....I want closure! ��
                        sigpic

                        I love him. Forever. And every day after that.

                        Comment

                          #13
                          I think netspeak really hinders newcomers' communication. Sometimes when people post, it's hard to understand what they are saying. What's worse is that when I point it out, zero attempts are made to communicate better. I don't understand the point of posting a question when no one can understand what the question is. Perhaps the post is not really to ask a question, but to hear/see one's self speak.

                          Questions fall unanswered or no one volleys when the questions cannot be understood. And yes, many of those same questions have been answered one hundred times over previously when they were posted in a manner that people could understand what the question was.
                          Last edited by hmrambling; September 22, 2017, 10:17 AM. Reason: typo

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                            #14
                            You're right. Some of the new members don't listen at all, for some reason (I guess I was like that a year ago, too...). It's hard to accept you have to change to make clear what you want to ask, or to take a step back. It would be so easy when people don't just thank you for your advice but don't do anything with it...

                            I don't spek netspeak. I'm raised with proper language, I'm too old for that sh*t. No, kidding, but I really don't understand it and I don't want to,either.

                            I fully agree with you, @hmrambling.

                            Sometimes I just want to write: "I give up, I'm not keeping to offer advice when you decide to not listen to it". I know I better don't so I don't.
                            Last edited by erwin1973; September 22, 2017, 10:42 AM.
                            Distance means nothing when someone means everything.

                            Comment

                              #15
                              Sometimes I want to write, "OP, it's unclear why you are having a communication issue in your relationship." (Knowing all the while that I couldn't understand a damn thing he/she said in the original post.)
                              Last edited by hmrambling; September 22, 2017, 11:18 AM.

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