Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

How to deal with each other leisures?

Collapse
X
Collapse
 
  • Page of 1
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts
Previous template Next
    #1

    How to deal with each other leisures?

    Hi everybody!

    My boyfriend and I closed the distance 10 months ago. He is american and live with me in France now.

    He is studying 2 hours away from our house. He has one sport that he usually do on weekends. I have my family/friends/leisures here, as I lived here since forever.

    And sometimes, it makes me feel bad.

    I feel bad when I have to leave him at night when I do my leisure, I feel bad when I want to do stuffs only with friends on weekends (like going to a party and sleep by one of my friend for example). Sometimes I just want to be with my girl friends. It's normal, it's healthy, I guess. But in our situation, it's complicated. It's not like he can call a friend and go out: They live either 2 hours by the train minimum (school friends) or at home (miles away).

    I don't really know what to do. I don't know really know what sounds right. If I was in his country and he was leaving for Saturday night and overnight, I would feel bad. But I need it sometimes.

    If some of you were/are in this situation, please tell me how you dealt with it. I will take every advice.

    Thank you!
    Tags: closing the distance, friends, leisure, problems, relationship
    #2
    I can understand how it makes you feel, but have you ever asked him how he feels about it? If he doesn't care, then what is the problem? If he does, find a compromise...
    Distance means nothing when someone means everything.

    Comment

      #3
      He told me he doesn't care, that it's okay. I feel bad anyway. He is nice and doesn't want me to feel bad about seeing my friends......

      Comment

        #4
        Okay... actually that was the only suggestion I had...
        Distance means nothing when someone means everything.

        Comment

          #5
          Isn't there a way you can involve him in activities you do with your friends? Once in a while at least. It'll make him feel more belonged. You could also put more effort in dates you two have.

          But in the end he'll have to settle down himself and find his own friends and activities to do, however it must be hard for him right now and he needs your support in transitioning itself. Like you could think of things he could do or join or something. Also, does he speak French?

          Comment

            #6
            He often comes with me and my friends. I include him. I just feel like having times alone with my girlfriends too.

            He doesn't speak french, this is the problem. He could meet other people (english speakers) as they are quite a few around here, but he doesn't seem so motivated.

            Comment

              #7
              Some people - like me - don't like to be around many others. They like to be alone, while others need the company of a group of friends. Both is okay, as long as you're happy. May be he is not motivated to find others because you're enough company to him, and he enjoys his time alone by just being alone while you're out with friends.
              Distance means nothing when someone means everything.

              Comment

                #8
                Originally posted by Framboise View Post
                He often comes with me and my friends. I include him. I just feel like having times alone with my girlfriends too.

                He doesn't speak french, this is the problem. He could meet other people (english speakers) as they are quite a few around here, but he doesn't seem so motivated.
                I honestly think he should just take French classes. It'll be useful for him no matter what he decides to do socially. Also my SO felt weird talking to people when he was visiting because he didn't know my native language, despite many people speaking English here too (not as much probably though).

                Also you are right that you need alone time with your friends too and as long as you occassionally bring him along and include him, you shouldn't feel too bad about it. Because there's not much else you could do.

                Comment

                  #9
                  Even if he doesn't know French he can branch out and socialize. Surely he realized that he may need to take up French when he moved there. I was in the military and spent some time in France and saw that a lot of folks knew English and would be happy to talk to me if I even made an effort.

                  I encourage you to take time with your friends. It's good to get out and visit and share with your friends.

                  Comment

                    #10
                    Originally posted by erwin1973 View Post
                    Some people - like me - don't like to be around many others. They like to be alone, while others need the company of a group of friends. Both is okay, as long as you're happy. May be he is not motivated to find others because you're enough company to him, and he enjoys his time alone by just being alone while you're out with friends.
                    I am this way too but I know he is not really like that. I am the introvert of the relationship and he is the extrovert, and yet it's me who is scared that he might be lonely and bored. But you're right, it could be a possibility. I begin to tell myself that if he would want to make new friends, he could just do it.

                    Originally posted by C.C. View Post
                    I honestly think he should just take French classes. It'll be useful for him no matter what he decides to do socially. Also my SO felt weird talking to people when he was visiting because he didn't know my native language, despite many people speaking English here too (not as much probably though).

                    Also you are right that you need alone time with your friends too and as long as you occassionally bring him along and include him, you shouldn't feel too bad about it. Because there's not much else you could do.
                    I will talk to him about the french classes. It's been quite 1 year he's here and he didn't take any yet!

                    Originally posted by hmrambling View Post
                    Even if he doesn't know French he can branch out and socialize. Surely he realized that he may need to take up French when he moved there. I was in the military and spent some time in France and saw that a lot of folks knew English and would be happy to talk to me if I even made an effort.

                    I encourage you to take time with your friends. It's good to get out and visit and share with your friends.
                    Thank you for your advices!

                    Comment

                      #11
                      Hi everyone !

                      I have something new to add, I don't want to start a new thread, so:

                      We leave together since May 2017, and still he hasn't take any french lessons and don't really try to improve his french. He is not really into the "french culture" or "french news" day by day. He is studying in Switzerland so he learns german but french is not really important for him, that's what I feel. He barely knows how to make 1/2 sentences, he tried in the beginning but now he is just doing his school and german. I feel weird about this, haha. I did great progress in english since I'm in a relationship with him, I read a lot, I leran a lot about his country and it makes me happy. He is always looking up for news day by day about the US and stuffs but french, not at all. I don't feel he is really into it. I don't know...... What do you guys think?

                      Comment

                      Previous template Next
                      Working...
                      X