I really need help, a break up.

[barret95]

hey,

well, my Girlfriend has broken up with me. this is what she said:

I need to say something... I cried myself to sleep as well..because.. I uhm.. I think we should take a break... This LDR is to much for me... I thought I was ready, but.. I dont think I'm ready to this..
And you deserve someone better than me.. I am so sorry..
I do love you.. But.. I just can't handle being in a LDR...
If you hate me, I understand.. Ive been such a jerk..

I love you.. But I can't handle this.. :'(
I'll never find anyone like you, cuz you're just so.. no words can really describe you... I just love you so so so much.. But I can't be in a LDR... :'( :'(
I mean everything that I've said to you.. You'll find someone better than me :'(
Maybe I'm ready in the future.. Idk.. But I'm really not ready to be in a LDR right now :'( :'( :'(

and in reply I wrote:

I understand you find it hard, I understand you are not strong enough to handle a LDR, I understand you truly love me. Christina, I promise, remember this promise forever. Write it down.
I promise to you, I am going to stay with you forever, I am not leaving you until the day I die, even then my soul with be with you. I am not going to be immature about it, I am going to stand up and be mature, I promise I will pull you through this, you are strong. I am strong enough to help you handle LDR, I will help you, I will not get mad about this, I am very very depressed. But I'm strong enough to not commit suicide agin. I'm strong enough to help myself and help you.
Christina, I promise I am with you forever. I promise I'll love you forever because, I do.
I promise you I am dedicated and committed to help you, to get you through this.
Please, you have to be honest with me and tell me what you truly can't handle in a LDR. It may take a lot of time building up your strength, but it'll be worth it.
That's a lifetime promise. I am not lying. I am honest, please, write this all down or copy it on your computer. I will not leave you. Remember this.

I wrote what happened because it will be easier for you to understand.

anyway,

she cant handle the fact that we will be able to meet up a few times a year. she is unbelievably happy when we had been skyping, but as soon as we went off skype she felt depressed that she can't talk to me until next time.

Please, anyone, Please lend me advice and help.

[MaggieS]

Is there any way that you can text or im from your phones or something when you aren't able to skype? Being able to keep in contact(even just a hey while we're both busy) is really comforting for me.

[barret95]

Is there any way that you can text or im from your phones or something when you aren't able to skype? Being able to keep in contact(even just a hey while we're both busy) is really comforting for me.

yeah, we have an app called whatsapp on the phone. We text everyday (use to)
so yeah, I asked her to don't ignore me on whastapp because I can't her her if she ignores me.

i really don't know what to do though. Do i need to remind her how much she means to me? does she need to be reassured?
I honestly don't want to lose her

[tanaquil]

I know how your girlfriend feels -- sometimes, during the day, I get a horrible helpless feeling knowing that I won't be able to see my boyfriend every day and have to deal with seeing couples being happy together every single day. Unfortunately, there's nothing you can do to change someone's opinion -- you can convince her for a while that everything will be okay but, ultimately, it has to come from herself or else things will just end up worse. You can remind her all you want about how much you love her and how she's the only one for you, but a person's will is very strong, especially when they have their opinion set on something such as this.

Try talking to her. Don't be dramatic and proclaim that she's the only girl in the world. Perhaps a calm discussion after you two have calmed down?

All the bet!

[Sora1101]

I'm just going to be blunt and honest here. I don't know your girlfriend so if I'm totally off the mark excuse me I'm not trying to be rude.

The message I got from what she sent to you, reading between the lines, wasn't that she's sick of an LDR but she just doesn't want to be with you anymore. With how many times she said she loves you so much and that you're so great but she's breaking up with you anyway, to me that doesn't make any sense if she really loved you that way she'd deal with the distance or would at least suggest a break or something to get her head on straight but no she'd rather pass up the "guy she loves" just because she's a little lonely. People that love each other truly would do whatever it takes to be together whether that means being LD or not. She's passing you up for comfort. That and saying she doesn't deserve you is just trying to switch the wording around, everyone I know who has been told that later found out that their exes were just sick of being with them and were trying to sugarcoat it.

Like I said if I'm wrong I apologize but I know too many people that have been told stuff like that and were totally just being blown off. Not trying to rub salt on your wounds or anything.

[BellaJedi]

I'm just going to be blunt and honest here. I don't know your girlfriend so if I'm totally off the mark excuse me I'm not trying to be rude.

The message I got from what she sent to you, reading between the lines, wasn't that she's sick of an LDR but she just doesn't want to be with you anymore. With how many times she said she loves you so much and that you're so great but she's breaking up with you anyway, to me that doesn't make any sense if she really loved you that way she'd deal with the distance or would at least suggest a break or something to get her head on straight but no she'd rather pass up the "guy she loves" just because she's a little lonely. People that love each other truly would do whatever it takes to be together whether that means being LD or not. She's passing you up for comfort. That and saying she doesn't deserve you is just trying to switch the wording around, everyone I know who has been told that later found out that their exes were just sick of being with them and were trying to sugarcoat it.

Like I said if I'm wrong I apologize but I know too many people that have been told stuff like that and were totally just being blown off. Not trying to rub salt on your wounds or anything.

Thats exactly the kind of vibe I got as well from her message. I've personally told someone I can't handle an LDR when I wanted to get involved with someone closer. The LDR boyfriend and I weren't really serious so it wasn't that big of a deal, but yeah. Just my opinion, and I'm sorry about the situation, break-ups are the worst

[Romeo s Juliet]

I'm just going to be blunt and honest here. I don't know your girlfriend so if I'm totally off the mark excuse me I'm not trying to be rude.

The message I got from what she sent to you, reading between the lines, wasn't that she's sick of an LDR but she just doesn't want to be with you anymore. With how many times she said she loves you so much and that you're so great but she's breaking up with you anyway, to me that doesn't make any sense if she really loved you that way she'd deal with the distance or would at least suggest a break or something to get her head on straight but no she'd rather pass up the "guy she loves" just because she's a little lonely. People that love each other truly would do whatever it takes to be together whether that means being LD or not. She's passing you up for comfort. That and saying she doesn't deserve you is just trying to switch the wording around, everyone I know who has been told that later found out that their exes were just sick of being with them and were trying to sugarcoat it.

Like I said if I'm wrong I apologize but I know too many people that have been told stuff like that and were totally just being blown off. Not trying to rub salt on your wounds or anything.

I agree with this too. I think she is just fed up of the situation of being in a LDR. she tries to sugarcoat things by telling that she loves you and that she dont deserve you, because if we take from the perspective of any human, people always want the best. and she says she is lower/not deserving of you is a hard pill to swallow. she is taking the blame on herself because she does not want to give a particular reason as to why she is breaking up. the least you can do here is telling her that she means alot to you and then leave the rest to her. you cant make her stay, if she wants out. even though you two are a couple, you both are two individuals at the end of the day, and I feel she has already made up her mind about wanting to break up with you and blames it on herself to take the easy way out. I think the best possible thing you can do now is to talk calmly to her and get closure as this would help you move on and not feel guilty about what else you should have/could have done to make the relationship better.

[Moon]

Not everybody is cut out to be in an LDR, they aren't for everyone. I don't know if that's the case with your girlfriend or not, but I think you need to step back and let her figure that out. If, after having time and space to think about it, she still feels like she can't handle it, it's better to just walk away now, when the relationship is still so young. Maybe after some time, she'll realize she misses you enough to try LD again. There's not much you can do to change her mind, distance is distance, there's nothing you can do about it but move, unlike personal imperfections that you can actually work on and improve. I'm sorry about that, good luck.

[Nbaby]

I'm just going to be blunt and honest here. I don't know your girlfriend so if I'm totally off the mark excuse me I'm not trying to be rude.

The message I got from what she sent to you, reading between the lines, wasn't that she's sick of an LDR but she just doesn't want to be with you anymore. With how many times she said she loves you so much and that you're so great but she's breaking up with you anyway, to me that doesn't make any sense if she really loved you that way she'd deal with the distance or would at least suggest a break or something to get her head on straight but no she'd rather pass up the "guy she loves" just because she's a little lonely. People that love each other truly would do whatever it takes to be together whether that means being LD or not. She's passing you up for comfort. That and saying she doesn't deserve you is just trying to switch the wording around, everyone I know who has been told that later found out that their exes were just sick of being with them and were trying to sugarcoat it.

Like I said if I'm wrong I apologize but I know too many people that have been told stuff like that and were totally just being blown off. Not trying to rub salt on your wounds or anything.

I agree with this becuz i have done the same. I hope im wrong.

[Amelia]

I agree with Sora, I would quote it but it's harder on an iPad. Anyway I think you need to move on. In some situations people love each other so much that they want to break up in order for their loved one to have a better life or live their dreams. But it doesn't seem like this in your case. I love my bf so much that I would rather be miles away from him than not have him at all.
In long distance relationships people need to realize that love conquers distance Not distance conquers love.

[barret95]

thanks for all the comments people!

sorry I havent been on in a few days!
I actually was up all night on Saturday and sunday talking with her, We actually got back together on Monday.
it turns out she really couldn't handle the distance, and because we had one fight a few weeks back we wern't talking as much.
but In the end we are back together.
She never really wanted to have a break.
we are really in love.
We are in a real relationship :')

[Verojoon]

I'm just going to be blunt and honest here. I don't know your girlfriend so if I'm totally off the mark excuse me I'm not trying to be rude.

The message I got from what she sent to you, reading between the lines, wasn't that she's sick of an LDR but she just doesn't want to be with you anymore. With how many times she said she loves you so much and that you're so great but she's breaking up with you anyway, to me that doesn't make any sense if she really loved you that way she'd deal with the distance or would at least suggest a break or something to get her head on straight but no she'd rather pass up the "guy she loves" just because she's a little lonely. People that love each other truly would do whatever it takes to be together whether that means being LD or not. She's passing you up for comfort. That and saying she doesn't deserve you is just trying to switch the wording around, everyone I know who has been told that later found out that their exes were just sick of being with them and were trying to sugarcoat it.

Like I said if I'm wrong I apologize but I know too many people that have been told stuff like that and were totally just being blown off. Not trying to rub salt on your wounds or anything.

I disagree. I broke up with my SO last spring. I used very much the same lines.. and I really did mean that I loved him so much... He truly didn't seem happy. He was always depressed, our relationship seem to make it so that he couldn't figure out his life (we couldn't figure out a life together, but at the same time he was reluctant to make and permanent steps in his life over there...) I became convinced he would be happier without me... and at the same time I had just become so lonely... We had made some plans to see each other and they fell through and life on my own as a single mother was becoming more and more hard and sometimes just the idea of having someone's arms to lose myself in at the end of the day started being more appealing than being with the man I really love...

I did go back to him... but hurt him a lot in the process... he hurt me a lot too since he couldn't let me go and said some nasty things... yet, through it all, I did 100% believe that once he got over the initial hurt he would be happier without me...