Help! Partner on a cruise ship. He's 4000 miles away for 7 months, how do I cope..?

[GlasgowLass]

My partner just left Glasgow for 7 months to work on the Oasis of the Seas cruise ship. I knew the first few weeks would be hard but right now I just don't know how I'll do this.

We met almost 4 years ago now at uni. We started a function band together and the chemistry was unavoidable. We were in a relationship almost immediately and I have been head over heels for him ever since. Our relationship has had it's ups and downs (like most do) but we are in such a happy place now and hope to stay that way.

For quite some time he'd spoke of going on a cruise ship for a couple of months. It was something he had always wanted to try and I knew that if he didn't that he'd always regret it. The dream became a reality this October when he applied and got a job instantly, the downside being it wasn't for a few months... it was almost 7 and he would be in the Caribbean. Not surprisingly this upset me greatly. At first I was angry, not at him but at the situation. I took this out on him as I saw it as him not caring about being away from me for that long when really it wasn't about me. It was his dream and he saw it as something he had to do and the possibility of it breaking us up wasn't even an option. He said we were so much stronger than that after what we'd been through together. I eventually calmed down and accepted that he was going.

For the weeks leading up to him going everything felt bittersweet as I felt we couldn't plan anything together; like it was the end. I know this is a negative way to think. I was trying my hardest to be positive but it just felt incredibly sad.

He left last Saturday and it's not even been a week but and I miss him incredibly. I've looked at a lot of places online for support but can't help but feel my heart break when I find I'm one of the few that go such a long time with no visits and no regular contact. We can Skype when he is on land a few days a week but there is no guarantee of when. This scares me a lot and right now and I just don't know how I'm going to get through this.

A few months before he left we had a big talk about our future and decided that we wanted to stay together. Not just throughout the time he was away but for always. When he gets home we plan take the next step in our relationship and buy a house together. I see myself making a home with him and one day having children. This is what keeps me strong as when I think of this I know we can do it but there are times when I just feel helpless. My friends support me as much as they can but I feel like no one understands how I feel. I feel alone, especially around Christmas.

Has anyone else out there been through a similar situation and come out smiling and can give me words of hope? Even some advice from anyone who is coping with LD on how to stay strong would be much appreciated.

Thank you.

[piratemama]

Wow, I thought I was pitiful when my SO left for a cruise for a week! I can't imagine him being gone for 7 months like that. You must be hurting. I'm sorry. Knowing you can't talk with your loved one is the hardest. You feel disconnected. The only way to get through a LDR is to stay connected somehow. The few times you will be able to Skype will be precious to you.

The only advice I can offer is that he is probably going to miss you a lot, too. He might not realize that now, but he will. If you tried to keep him from this dream, he would have always resented. You know the old saying, "if you love something, set it free" is really true.

You are right that friends can't understand. People on this forum do.

Even though it seems impossible, try to get busy. Work on a hobby, get out and do something fun, or anything but mope. Good luck.

[Deleted]

This sounds like a really hard situation!

I will second everything that piratemama said and add: volunteer! Or go out with friends as much as possible. Another thing I do when I'm really missing my SO is to write in a journal and pretend I'm talking to him. Or write things for him. You could also prepare something for when he comes back! Learn an instrument/language. Those months will pass by as soon as you know it!

Good luck ~

[differentcountries]

If he can Skype every once in a while (or call), that is great. Also, how is post (snail mail and e-mail) working while he is on board?

I think you are being a big sport for letting him go. Remember that it is his big dream so he is not doing it to get away from you. If the two of you had to uppertunity to do this together he would probably want that. I am hardly an LDR veteran, but this is know: the first week is the hardest. Not that it will be easy after that, but you will become accustomed to it, and it will become easier to sleep better, engage in other activities etc. I recomend also finding something do do that keeps your focus on him in an constructive way; writing him letters/e-mail, preparing gifts for him (could be virtual gifts) and so on. That helped me a lot at times when my SO was too far away. I even taped myself singing and... it can be fun, too. Entertain yourself. See friends and family. Learn a new skill.

I would not know how to deal if I could not see my SO for 6-7 months. I thought 2 months was hard. However, in your case it may help to know that he is living a kind of "special life", just being employed there for the season, with many others also being seasonal workers. That way, his "normal life" is what he has with you and what he is going home to. For me, I have never lived a "normal" life with him and I have wished I could have that. Take the next month to "break in" his cruice life. Ask questions of what it is like on board, tell him about your life. Make room for his Skype sessions (what will be your signal? or can he call you anytime?)

[silvermoonfairy3]

I don't mean this to sound rude, because it's not intended that way and everyone's different, but if he's worth it and if this is what you both want, you'll figure it out. It sucks, it'll be hard, but hard things come up for relationships. As someone said, skype when you can, keep in touch how you can, etc.

By the time I see my SO, it'll likely be April of next year, which will be about 16 months. It sucks, but it's worth it.

Good luck!

[Zapookie]

Focus on the positive. It's only for 7 months. In the big scheme of things, that is not a long time. Many people on LFAD go years being LD, only being able to see their SO once or twice a year. I will be seeing my SO in february, also 7 months since I last saw him. We skype maybe once or twice a week for an hour if we can. Other than that its emails and messages.

It will get a lot easier to deal with once more time passes.. The adjusting period is tough but if you two can get through this, I assure you, you can probably get through mostly anything.

[Riyko]

Depending on what he does, but when he's docked at port he should be able to communicate you with through skype. My good friend is the Human Resources Specialist and Trainer for Norwegian cruise lines and when she's at port she calls me on skype all the time and shows me the places she's at, it's really pretty cool. But it will get easier as the time goes by, since he's just starting out working it'll take him sometime to adjust to being on the ship and working, plus it also depends on when they have him working if he's working overnights or during the days. Give it a couple of weeks i'm sure he'll call you once he gets settled in and gets everything figured out

[GlasgowLass]

Thank you all for your kind words. Some of which honestly brought a tear to my eye. It's amazing to know others out there get through worse situations all the time and I'm touched that you all took the time to reassure me. It means the world.

It's been just under 5 weeks now since we last saw each other and I'm kind of getting used to not him around. That said, I still can't stop getting down about the whole situation every now and then. Communication is down to maybe 2 emails a week and 1 or 2 15min Skype calls a week MAX. Apart from that there is no other communication, which is hard when we were used to talking every day. And even when I do talk to him I usually end up getting upset after (though I do make a point of not letting him see me upset as I feel it would waste the precious time we have to talk). Why is this? I just feel so uninterested in life without him. I feel half of a whole. Then I get annoyed at myself for letting myself get consumed by it. I have tried everything I know to distract myself but nothing seems to help.

I think the hardest part right now is that he can contact me whenever he likes but I can't reach him whenever I like (as he's on the ship most days). In the time he's unavailable I feel like he's on a different planet, or he may as well be. We've been sending emails that are around 3,000 words long back and forth and they have been amazing; I feel so happy once I've read them but it's the time in-between them that I tend to lose the faith a bit. I still have no doubt we'll last this time apart and in some ways it will make us stronger but I just wish there was a way to make the time until we're together again less horrible. It's exhausting.

Is it ok to still feel this way after 5 weeks? Will this feeling eventually go away? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks again people

[Hollandia]

If I understand this correctly, it is not really "whenever he likes" but "whenever he is able" versus your being limited to "whenever you have time to", it really sounds similar but I understand the difference. He is somewhere that he CANNOT get in contact at times. I am thinking that if you remember there are plenty of times that he might want to contact you but is unable it might hurt less when you are able and not getting the calls. My SO works and has school and with our 6 hour time difference I used to sit by phone and get depressed but you really have to accept that he loves you and that is why he will contact you when he is able to. I know it helps me, and the less I think about it the less I stress him out about it and the more happy we both are when we are together. We were just apart for 4 months last time and I nearly lost my mind, but we made it through it and until April we are together again. I just keep telling myself the end justifies the means, pretty harsh to say, but for me, it stands true.

[kimmidyann]

I just wanted to throw this out there.

Reading this really helped me gain some perspective. I have every intention of working on a Cruise Line for a few years and cannot wait to explore my options over seas. Thank you for helping me to see the other side of it so that I can try to make it easier on my SO if I go. (:

[ElenW]

I can definitely understand. I'm in the UK too and my special guy is about to go and work in China for five months and although I'm hoping we can keep in touch ok, I also know that the restrictions there mean we can't use Facebook or Gmail - the little green chat light next to his name on FB lets me konw he's ok when we're not together now so i'll miss that especially!

He hasn't left yet - less than a week now - and I'm already in bits (!!), so I've no idea how I'm going to be when he actually goes. I've also heeded the 'keep busy' advice, but like you I can't focus on anything - I keep trying though, because the alternative is to sit and cry. I do hope it gets better over time though -like you said, getting used to him not being around, but still missing him terribly.

But like your guy, this is important to mine too and so I want to support him (keeping a lot inside as I don't want to make him feel guilty). I'm just hoping to be as positive as I can for him, while reassauring him that I'll be right here when he gets back... ready to get on with our life... together!!

I particularly like the 'set it free' comment - I've beleived in that for years - time to test it I guess!!

Keep strong and keep in touch... El xx

[aidanc90]

I'm in exactly the same position as you. Girlfriend left yesterday morning and is spending 6 months on a cruise ship in Los Angeles. We will have been together 5 months on Valentines day. I knew from the moment we started seeing each other that she was applying for this job and we found out late November that she had been successful in her application, they informed her that she had the job but there was no current vacancy for her so it was all a waiting game from that point on. We spent so much time together and the relationship is the best relationship I have ever had. I had never been in love before I met her and I knew straight away she was different. I spent time at her house over christmas and she came to mine just after new years.

we decided we weren't going to talk about what was going to happen because we didnt want to put strain on the relationship so early on but this became increasingly difficult for me. I didnt want to fall in love with someone who was going to break it off with me when she left so in the end she agreed to talk. she told me she loved me aswell and wanted to give it a go, better to have tried and failed than not try at all and regret it right?

well they called her last monday saying she was needed and she was gone by the friday morning, was a shock to say the least. Saying goodbye was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I miss her so much already. apparently the internet on board is really expensive so the only time she can contact me is when she ports up (if she has time) just knowing that it could be days and days with no contact at all is killing me. I want this to work more than I've ever wanted anything but 6 months feels like an eternity to me right now. we kept saying if its meant to be then it will be but that doesnt help with the hurt, i feel lonely already...

im hoping that in time this will get easier.

[Yellowsponge11]

Hello,

I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years when he left to work in Australia for a year and it has been the most difficult thing I've ever had to do. We're just over 3 months in and although it isn't easy, things have got better.

I was fortunate enough to be starting a new job two weeks after he left so I have been throwing myself in to my job doing the best I can to get a start on my career. However I work in a school and I find it really difficult to fill my time during the holidays and this is when I feel most lonely.

If there is anything you can focus all your attention on then I'd say to completely go for it. Working in a school I count down to the next holiday rather than how long he's been away for as I find this makes the time fly by. A school year always passes so quick and I take comfort in knowing I only have 4 holidays until I see him again (even if one of those holidays is 6 weeks!)

I also started to swim when he left to lose weight and tone up my body. I've never been fat or anything but I wanted to use this year to make myself a better person inside and out ready for when he got home and I think when he gets home it'll be like first meeting each other all over again and it'll be so exciting and so when you do get down about it, just think to yourself while most couples wont experience the heartache of their loved one going away for so long, they will also never experience the pure happiness, love and other emotions you will feel when you welcome him back home and for me that's what will make this whole thing worth it

Keep your chin up and take comfort in knowing that it's not forever.

[aplmak]

I can totally relate to this post.. I know it's been sometime now since this thread started. I met and married an entertainer on a cruise ship. We met this past March... it was unexpected for both of us and we both agree that we were not each other's type at all. But the love is amazing and incredible.. We were married in August and the amount of love you could feel from the guests in the church and the reception was unreal. It's amazing to me how many people have been affected by seeing the two of us together.

Well at any rate... he's back on the ship as of a week or so ago. It's the worst. And technically we are only dealing with this right now as we need the money to pay off bills and also to wait for proper immigration paperwork to be finalized. We both struggle with it and it is hard. What's hard is that I always think that I am the one having it the hardest which I am not sure of... But it is true that it is very sad.. I am mostly sad these days opposed to happy.. and all he wants to see is that I am happy. I cover as much as I can but this past weekend it was difficult. We however are able to see each other each weekend for the next month and then I will not see him till February.. This is the toughest thing I have ever had to go through so far in life. But I can see how this can really prove if the love is strong and make a relationship extremely strong if it works. The level of trust and the necessity of communication is what a successful marriage is all about... so this is the ultimate test!