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    #31
    Carol, girlfriend, let me tell you. Im the SO with the trust issues. while i cant lie, this sounds like an extreme and painful case-on your end i mean especially, i do think if youre willing to do anything to get him to understand, then it will absolutely work out. And i say this with great confidence because ive finally met one man, my SO, who has been able to soothe these trust issues ive had that stem from familial issues. (In other words, theyve been a part of me for longer than i could walk)

    My SO Joe is the most patient man in the world. Id kick, scream, cry, (metaphorically speaking) and tell him why everything he did was a sign that he didnt really love me. He saw right through my anger (fear) and understood that i was really hurting, living my life for so long with a gaping wound from years of being burned in the past. No matter how hurtful my accusations were, he set that aside and was a great listener, looking for the meaning in my criticisms.

    He was confident in his heart that he could weather the storm-that i was worth being patient for. He knew that i was really just afraid and it was my defensive reaction because i wasnt accepting that he might really love me the way i can believe in; in a way id be scared to lose. Hed calmly assure me i could yell all i want, but that i will eventually learn that he will be here because he wasnt going anywhere.

    He earned my trust by understanding not to take my pain personally, and he taught me the qualities of functional love instead of dysfunctional love. By just being a constant and calling me out (gently, lol) for being scared he has given me an amazing gift in teaching me what healthy love is like. He knew better than i did that i was going to get through my issues and hed be with me on the other side. ....and that yes i was worth "all of this hassle" since he told me my baggage wasnt all that bad, too.

    Amazing action. Thats the biggest loving gesture ive ever felt.

    In short- if you can promise him youll be there and mean it, maybe try what Joe did. It has changed my life. Im a better lover for it, too.

    For what its worth, i obviously still struggle now and again, but in much more manageable ways than before.
    Rome wasnt built in a day, but i have faith and patience that i will get there one day. (Which is something i admit i thought was factually out of reach)

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      #32
      But you have to have to have to mean it and commit to what youre promising or he might just be devastated forever!!! Just think long and hard about what you want and if he really is worth that amount of pain. Theres no shame in being honest with yourself. Shes the only one you can be fully honest with!


      I have faith that this will work out favorably for you no matter what!

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        #33
        Yes, some people can do that. Some, rare people can stomach it. I could not for my ex and I still feel like a failure for it. In the beginning, when we were very much in love, it felt easy, but over the years all the weird accusations and the constant needyness (and the agressive outbursts that sometimes contained elements of violence) drained me. Some people can shoulder anything, but I found I can't be everything to a person like that. It takes a lot, because when someone lacks confidance and acts out because of it, mending that it is like trying to put out a vulcano with tap water.
        Last edited by differentcountries; March 23, 2014, 03:42 AM.
        I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
        - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



        "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

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