How do people feel about a woman proposing to a man?

[differentcountries]

On the other hand, a lot of guys give ultimatums where they basically say that whatever they prefer to do in life, she must not object to it, or they are done. He is the master of his own life, so she has no right to meddle with his friends, his work-out, his job, his flirting at parties etc.These are often the same guys who end of getting married to the marriage or else...-women. I think they balance each other out.

[Yaaamiii]

I'm a little late to the party here, but I total agree with you on this. I know a guy who recently got married, and he told me that his now-wife gave him an ultimatum: either marry me, or we're done. It's not like they had been dating for 10 years, either. They had only been together for about 1.5 years, and she's only 25 years old. I think it's really sad and kinda wrong. It's clear that he's not totally happy either :/

Oh gee, I don't feel like that will end well...

[Malaga]

I remember asking my parents, that have been married for 24 years now, who of them proposed. They answered no one, it was just the time and they loved each other. I didn´t quit get that when I was a kid, of course someone had to actually propose. But now I see it totally different. Why would my boyfriend propose to me out of nowhere, hoping I would say yes. Is it not better that we have a rational discussion about it, which leads to a mutual agreement that we will get married.

I get you, I feel the same too. I never appreciated the idea of a proposal as something surprising, or something you're rewarded with as the chosen one. It doesn't feel right for one person to have to make that decision of when is the right moment, and the other person to just get to say yes or no in such an important thing. But I understand proposal as a symbol of when you start focusing on the wedding. I think rituals like that are important for the mental switch, OK we're now in pre-marriage mode, time to start preparing for it.

We will have it too when the time comes, how, I don't know. Maybe he'll 'ask' me if this means a lot to him, or we'll just exchange rings/presents, or throw a party and announce it to friends and family... We'll see how it feels when the time comes.

As for the poll question, I think it's perfectly fine for either partner to propose. Whatever works for the couple. Sadly women are usually seen as more eager to get married than men so when a woman proposes it's often met with condescension, like she pressured him into it. But in my experience usually women who are more eager on marriage are also eager on the more traditional proposal too... so they'd never propose themselves.

I'm proud of women (and couples) who don't give a shit about social pressure or give in to insecurities and just go ahead and do it if it feels right for them. Would I do it myself? I don't know. But that's because I'm not really bothered about asking or being asked.

[emsimes]

Oh gee, I don't feel like that will end well...

Yeah, I don't either :/
Ultimatums usually never end well anyways...

[milaya]

I see nothing wrong in a women proposing, whatsoever, as long as two people in love agree to marry, I couldn't care less who proposed to idea of marriage first.
The reason why I didn't answer is that I personally wouldn't propose myself, never, but I actually think it depends more on the relationship dynamics rather than gender. I'm just not the proposing kind of person, but neither is my husband. So we kind of agreed to marry without any official proposal, because that's what worked for us.

[RedWhirlwind]

I think there is a HUGE difference between a woman proposing to her BF and issuing an ultimatum. If I felt I needed to issue an ultimatum, I don't think I'd want to marry the man. I want someone who wants to marry me, not someone I have to demand to marry me.

My fiance & I had agreed when we first decided to make a go of a long distance LTR that if we were still together at a year, we'd re-evaluate our relationship & decide if we were going to try to close the distance at that time. He ended up asking me to marry him by phone over 2 months before that time limit in January. Then he proposed to me formally, on one knee with a ring when he visited at our one year anniversary. I knew it meant a lot to him to do the whole formal proposal thing so I went with it even though it wasn't exactly a surprise since we'd already been planning our wedding for over a month, lol.

[lilspitfire]

This reminds me of the episode of Friend's when Monica proposes to Chandler. The best out of all the episodes IMO. So moving and lovely. I originally asked my bf out and he was so distraught (lol). He said "I'm supposed to do that." Why? If I care for you, why can I not ask you out? But he's old school so I forgive him. He just doesn't know that if we ever get to the point of marriage; I'm pulling a Monica. :P

[Miasmata]

I see zero reasons why the woman shouldn't be allowed to propose. Who proposes should depend on the people in the relationship, not on gender.

To me, the desire to get married should be clear on all sides before the proposal. The proposal is to me, as someone else said in the thread, more of a mental switch - The sign that you are really going for this. It's definitely something I want as a symbol and a memory, but it doesn't need to be big or fancy. And yeah, I can definitely imagine myself doing it.

[GuineaPunk]

I think it is lovely for a woman to propose to a man, I feel that there is this horrible unspoken feeling that marriages and proposals are very much for the woman's happiness and well being in order to make her feel loved and special. How many bridezillas do you hear going on about "my big day" on their wedding day. Or how many girlfriends bitch and whine at their blokes because they haven't proposed yet, or not done it properly where the guy may have thought that a genuinely nice way to do it. I think it is nice that some women take the initiative and go out of their way to make their man feel wanted as sadly it seems to be forgotten by so many.

I am going to have to be the one to propose if/when the time eventually comes, as I have already turned down eight proposals . It would be a very brave man to give it a try with the historical odds stacked so against him .

Joking aside, I wouldn't have a problem doing it, but I have a feeling that if myself and my boyfriend ever do tie the knot he will initiate it. He is from a culture which has a strong definition of what a 'real man' is, so I think it would be important for him to do that. Having said that, there are two ways to say "Will you marry me?" in Swahili, one for a man asking a woman and one for a woman asking a man, so who knows? I'm not worried about even getting married, but it is incredibly important to him so I just need to give him the nod to let him know when I am ready to let him make whatever grand gesture he wants to in his own time.

I totally understand why so many people find it important, it is a ritual, and many people would see it as a rite of passage. Every single culture on this planet has certain rituals which have existed for hundreds of years, whether it be wedding rituals, proposals, graduations, passage into manhood/womanhood, pregnancy rituals, funerals, baptisms the list goes on and on. Each culture has different rituals with different levels of importance and proposals are just one of them.

[whatruckus]

I'm a little late to the party here, but I total agree with you on this. I know a guy who recently got married, and he told me that his now-wife gave him an ultimatum: either marry me, or we're done. It's not like they had been dating for 10 years, either. They had only been together for about 1.5 years, and she's only 25 years old. I think it's really sad and kinda wrong. It's clear that he's not totally happy either :/

Yea, I don't understand that. I don't understand the point of nagging your guy, I mean, I do, but at the same time...if he wants to do it, he'll do it when he's ready and has the money to. Why rush? I have friends who rushed their guys into proposing and I felt bad for them. My SO told me his one Army buddy's girl gave him a 5 year deadline from the time they started dating to when she wanted a ring. Needless to say, they were together for a while, and just recently broke up. I don't know if that had anything to do with it, as I'm not exactly sure how long they were together (definitely more than a few years), but still. Plus, he has a daughter from a previous relationship that he's going through a custody battle for with the baby mama (who's a dirtbag).

My SO and I have briefly talked about it, and both decided that if we were going to get engaged and married, we'd be living together first and he would be the one proposing (I'm too awkward to do it anyways, and I know that he likes to feel like the "man" in the relationship :P He's old fashioned.). We even talked about that deadline thing and I told him, the only time I would ever say something like that is if we were dating for like 10 years or so and there was no mention about it, he agreed and said that it would be perfectly fine to think like that. Also, when he was engaged to his ex, he proposed to her.

But back to the question, I think it's cool for a woman to propose. There's nothing wrong with it. I personally just wouldn't have the guts to do it because I'm so shy. Lol. I don't know anyone personally where the woman proposed though.

[Dwessie]

It was important for me to be proposed to. We decided to get married together, even had a wedding date and dress before he proposed. But I told him he still needed to propose. Whoever wants to propose in a relationship should do so. I think it's great either way.

I agree that it's good to discuss all this and make sure you are on the same page.
Me and Tam are both girls, so there isn't a man to do the proposing even if we DID think it had to be that way, but we also agreed that since I had been engaged before and have been proposed to and she hasn't, I should do it (And I want to!)

[crazycarrie06]

I think it is entirely up to the couple. If it's something that works for them - great! If it's something that makes them uncomfortable - great! But I don't think there is a hard or fast rule at all as to WHO is supposed to propose.

I'd propose personally, but I also know it means a lot to my SO to be able to propose when he's ready. So, I'm waiting........

[R&R]

We've discussed marriage and agreed we want to. We know what day we want (November 9th) but not sure if this year or next year. He's had the ring since the first time we dated. I'm honestly hoping for it this coming trip. It's one year since the day we met in person and Valentines Day. (He says I just want it to go into work and show the girls LOL.)

However, I decided that it he doesn't by the day I have to head home, I'm giving him a ring. I'd given it a lot of thought and was only going to do it if I found the perfect ring. He has a tattoo between his shoulder blades that's a symbol of the trinity and it's the logo of his business. I got a matching tattoo last year. I couldn't believe it when I found a ring with the symbol all around it and I'd never seen that before. I saw it as a "sign" and ordered it a couple of days ago. Though I don't think I'm going to propose, per se, I do plan on going over again my commitment to him and us and that I want to have this is a symbol of what is to come later. And I admit, when he does actually propose, I want him down on one knee.

[vicks5721]

I think there is nothing wrong with the woman proposing to the man as society now is growing more equal and I think it can be romantic and sweet whoever does it.

I know for me personally I would feel awkward being the one who proposed, I find it deeply romantic and a special memory to keep forever that he proposed to me. We had talked about marriage early on in our relationship as we know we are soulmates and are ready for marriage and starting a family at this stage in our lives and when you find true love you just know everything fits together and it is just right, it is the most wonderful feeling in the world!

We knew we would get engaged when he came here in May 2014 and I knew he was going to propose, I just didn't know what day or where, we even went to pick out the engagement ring together, Anyway so I didn't know where or when he was going to propose, well I thought he was going to in London as he tricked me pretending to be disappointed that I found out the location, but it turned out he planned to at the beach, as we went to the beach the third day he was here in England.

[MyHindiHeart]

Proposals are a strange thing. I read this somewhere, once, and I can't help but agree.

Proposals are weird. The proposer gets to take all the time in the world to decide when he (or she) is ready to be married to this person, and the proposee is generally expected to make a split-second decision.

Me and DN, my Indian boyfriend, both came to this conclusion and agreed to it. "I really can't help but feel like I already know you. I want to be with you forever." but that's just a summary. ^_^

I don't see it as strange if a woman proposes to a man. ♥