On my first meet/visit - need advice

[S41r4]

Thank you for opening this and reading.
I did post my story recently so I won't go into too many specific but I suppose a quick recap would help. I met J online, she's a great girl and we couldn't help the feelings we had for one another. She had always known she had feelings towards women but had never acted on it because she strongly believes its against her faith. We have tried numerous times to move on from this but we just could not explain the connection we shared and how much time we used to invest in this.
Anyways, we decided to meet. I landed Thursday evening and it is now midday Saturday. Although we often expressed via text and Skype how we so badly wanted one another, we didn't act on it in person. the first night in bed she told me how she felt that she liked me so much and that it was difficult for her, I told her that my own insecurities came to the conclusion that she was potentially friend zoning me. she told me I couldn't be more wrong and that if anything her feelings were stronger for me. On friday we had a great afternoon, we talked some more on this topic and she told me how she was fighting all these urges. She's exceptionally shy when it comes to anything physical, but she knew i respected her beliefs and boundaries therefore I would never initiate something. Last night it was her who kissed me and we cuddled.

Now today, she's a 4th year med student and working on her residency app. We discussed yesterday that today we would do it. I helped her some, then she sent it to some friends and her mom to look it over and has spent I dunno the past 2 hours or more doing it.
I don't know why I just feel lost feel sad. All i want is her, I love our connection. It is crazy how our online friendship/ relationship very easily just transferred into real life. Maybe I feel neglected, i dunno. I'm not sure because my fav thing about her is her drive and her ambition. As a lawyer, I completely understand the value of education and understand sometimes you do just have to put the hours in. I don't want to feel like I'm carrying the burden but I suppose I am, or maybe I'm just being a girl and allowing myself to feel all emotional. Thats the other thing I don't want. I don't wanna have problems or issues or come across passive aggressive in any way whatsoever. Its just, who would choose to be in my shoes? Where the woman you love, literally cannot make up her own mind. she clearly said last night she feels like having a relationship with a woman is wrong however she doesn't know if she can move on from me without giving it a shot or being with me in some ways.

She's done with her app and is n the shower right now and i know once she's out, we'll be fine and it'll be better. Also, if someone makes your nervous thats a good thing right? with other people I've never been shy or found it difficult to be physical, but with her I struggle. Why is that? I definitely don't believe its because of lack of feelings, I have never loved someone more than I love her. Is it because naturally she is very closed and not open with her feelings or very forward that I find it difficult to take the plunge? Because I'm not getting the signals? no matter how much someone tells you they like you, if their actions don't show it, is it too difficult to believe?
Saying that though, I do believe she loves me. After all, the few things we have done have been initiated by her. She treats me well, is attentive and caring. She has opened her home to me and has been nothing but amazing, always.

I just had to vent somewhere, to someone.

[conejita_hada]

It sounds like her emotions of nervousness but happiness are affecting you, as well. I know I become more shy when a person I'm with is more shy. She probably also been very stressed about her residency application - it's a determination of her future and if the app isn't done well and the person doesn't place, it's going to be very hard to become a doctor. Plus, it sounds like this is her first relationship with a woman. All of this will affect a person emotionally, internally and externally. It sounds like you're both interested in investing in the relationship. Give it time and enjoy these moments you have with her. Take it slow and trust in her honesty.

[differentcountries]

Of course you feel sad. Hearing that a relationship you dearly want may be out of reach is harsh, and perhaps even more so when it has nothing to do with you personally, but because the situation is "wrong". Well, if it was so wrong, why has she invited you for a visit? She is not treating you well.Being treated like a friend when you want to be a lover is hurtful. I am pretty syre that in your situation I would have left. One thing is taking things slow, another is to drag things out. She should make up her mind about weather she wants to persue the relationship.

[Moon]

How much longer will you be there?

I think after you leave, it won't take long for decisions to be made. Enjoy your visit, give her a few weeks to let it all sink in when you're gone and figure out how she feels. She'll either realize this is what she wants, or religion will win over, but give her a little bit of time and then have the discussion. Things are different after you meet, it makes everything more real, and it can give a lot of clarity into the relationship. Good luck.

[KrazyKat]

You've been there 3 days? Give it some time. I met my gf for the first time recently and we have both been with women before, both know that this is what we want, and are both very much attracted to each other, with no religious concerns on the matter and it took us a few days to be intimate with each other. We pecked on the lips the first night, her initiation, I was too nervous/felt a bit awkward still. The next day we managed to sit closer together and eventually cuddle, with some kisses. Even though we both felt the sexual chemistry, we did not do anything about it until a few days later when we were more comfortable with each other. We were together 2 weeks and were only sexually intimate twice because our visit wasn't about that, it was about being together and seeing if we had the same connection in person as we have over the phone/internet. Even though the connection was there right away, it doesn't mean you're both ready to be intimate right away.

If you're feeling neglected maybe you should say something so that you don't build a resentment about it. Try telling her you're glad she was able to take care of what she needed to take care of but now you're feeling that you need her attention because you were starting to feel ignored/forgotten.

[Petals]

How much longer will you be there?

I think after you leave, it won't take long for decisions to be made. Enjoy your visit, give her a few weeks to let it all sink in when you're gone and figure out how she feels. She'll either realize this is what she wants, or religion will win over, but give her a little bit of time and then have the discussion. Things are different after you meet, it makes everything more real, and it can give a lot of clarity into the relationship. Good luck.

THIS^^^^^^^

[Redheart14]

THIS^^^^^^^

I agree with Moon's advice too

[S41r4]

After i wrote that message, we went grocery shopping and it was a little awkward. When we came home we started talking about it and I couldn't help but get upset. She felt terrible, we cuddled. Since then we've been talking laughing and have a lot of fun. Things feel amazing. She said she was scared but loves me and wants this. Thank you everyone x

[Redheart14]

Glad it all worked out

[S41r4]

Okay so after the shower, we went grocery shopping and she bought me my fav fast food because you can’t get it in England. We were pleasant but she knew I was slightly off in the way I was. When we came home she kept probing me and wanting to discuss what was wrong, so I told her. I told her how I felt, how I felt neglected in some ways, very torn, on edge etc but of course as far as anyone could see I was my happy usual self.
I ended up crying and she did too. At first I thought she was just sad to see me upset but then when I was okay she cried even harder, saying she hated me being upset and feeling anything but confident and amazing because she sees me in the bestest light and doesn’t know anyone better than me. After that, we had the BEST weekend ever. All guards were dropped and we both agreed it felt like we were hanging out with someone we were in a comfortable relationship with.
I cant actually believe how perfect it was. Perfect.

Monday when she finished work, we had like 2 hours together before we left the house for the airport and unfortunately she wasn’t feeling well. We talked and she said she didn’t want a big sad goodbye and even though I thought it was inevitable when we talked it out, she was right. We had the best weekend ever and even though all along the plan was for us to meet up and get some sort of closure, although the opposite happened we can’t be sad about it. We experienced the best thing ever.
After our byes I told her I wanted to make this work. Where she is in school it would be me that does the travelling, I made it clear that I would.
I arrive home Monday, she works all day and didn’t get home until my midnight. I was shattered from my flight and long day but I was determined to skype because I wanted to see her, I knew the tiredness was making me feel emotional. I just wanted to talk, to make myself feel a bit better and not so low. She seemed very distracted on skype, I know she’d had a long day and also a glass of wine but yeah it just didn’t give me what I needed so it was me that ended up saying I want to sleep, something I never do.

I’m hoping today is a better day because I really feel like I want to talk to her. I'm definitely not coming across needy or letting her know of this.

[differentcountries]

Glad you ended up having a great time together. Being distant after a visit is very normal, a lot of us have that, it is just processing the loneliness and emptyness that may follow a visit. Give it some time and she will come around to feel close over the distance again.