First time meeting:Is it ok for a guy to demand(!) I come to him first?

[Ahava]

I get the creeps from reading about him.
I could understand if it was just him been worried about safety in Israel. But then he should have suggested something else like meeting half way. Or paid half for your ticket to come and see him or something.
I know it hurts, but you have already your son to look after, your partner should be equal and understanding, someone who makes life easier on you, not harder.

You should say good bye to this one and stick to it. He sounds like trouble. It hurts a lot after all the invested time and emotions, but isn't it better being alone than being with someone who doesn't love you or respect you or care about you?
Like Harlequin said, you sound like a sweet and caring person. I am sure you will find a partner that will want to have you and your son in his life and make you his priority.
Take care!

[monica7]

I suggested half way all the time and he always refused...This time he suggested himself to meet in Rome. Few hours later he called the demanded my flight schedule. I was at work,I'm a nurse and it was really very stressful. After I checked my flight options he said it wasn't worth it. And he changed it to Barcelona. Because: it was cheaper,he knew the language,it was easier and he had friends over there. I still don't understand why and for what he needed his friends in those 4 days...
And when I told him that maybe for him Barcelona would be cheaper and easier but it wasn't like that for me he wrote that exact line

"And just for you to fly less hours I need to pay more money?! No way" And then he added " If I can save a few euros why not?"

And then Barcelona was cancelled too. And we were back to the same old "deal". It's either I come to him or nothing. And if I don't come I don't love him. And he doesn't believe me. And he is tired of waiting for me.

I don't know how but he made me feel guilty about not coming....Like if I loved him I would do it...And that thought has been haunting me...Because I loved him. Very much. But I got scared...I don't know if all that happened because he found me unworthy of any effort or because he had in mind something....criminal...maybe...

Thank you all so much....you are the best

[differentcountries]

He has got a very weird, aka insultive, way of phrazing that he is cheap. He has lots of money. It is very rude the way he talks about it. I know because I watch my language all the time to make sure SO is not offended by it. I am looking to buy a bigger flat these days, and I know it is weird for him because he has never owned a flat, in fact he has not even rented one until he did with me this season. I actually downplay a lot of my money expenses, to make sure he doesn't get upset that I am spending money on him/us. He seems to be doing the exact opposite. Unlesss being cheap turns you on, back off from this. He should be spending money on you, or at the very least (being for gender equality and all) be mindful about your difference in income.

[monica7]

No it doesn't turn me on...
I sent him and his goddaughter gifts every birthday and Christmas. Video games..clothes..toys..chocolate and jewelry..I always cared to send it the best way with DHL and not make him wait...it made me so happy

I just need to find a way to get rid of that feeling like I'm responsible for what happened. That we haven't met because of me...because I didn't come...
I know it's stupid but somehow he succeeded to make me feel like that. Like I'm the one who didn't prove...and it's my fault...Stupid right? 😕

[Ahava]

No it doesn't turn me on...
I sent him and his goddaughter gifts every birthday and Christmas. Video games..clothes..toys..chocolate and jewelry..I always cared to send it the best way with DHL and not make him wait...it made me so happy

I just need to find a way to get rid of that feeling like I'm responsible for what happened. That we haven't met because of me...because I didn't come...
I know it's stupid but somehow he succeeded to make me feel like that. Like I'm the one who didn't prove...and it's my fault...Stupid right? ��

He sounds very manipulative and selfish. Maybe even a bit narcistic.
You have really spent a lot of money on him and his godchild. What has he given you besides guilt trips?

The reason you guys haven't met is because of him, not because of you. It might be hard to see that when you are in the middle of the situation.
But the truth is from what can be understood from the information you have provided is that he is not a very nice person.
And it has nothing to do with love. If he loved you, he would have come to see you or met you half way and also thought about you and your son on birthdays/Christmas/Chanukkah.

Just think of how happy you should be that you didn't manage to get such an insensitive, self centered and childish (if not even worse) person ruining your and your sons life.
He would most likely have made you both move to him and learn his language. (And then he would probably have made you pay for your own food even if you lived together).

Take care!

[monica7]

Ahava,yes,that's exactly what he wanted IF things went good (meaning if I came there).
And you are right about him being selfish and childish...and I guess that feeling of being guilty would always haunt me...If I didn't go,if I didn't do,if I didn't prove...

One of the girls in another thread said while expecting her boyfriend to come to her country to see her: "I don't believe he is doing that for me!"
And I wish so much I could say the same...I wish he did that for me...

Thank you so so much!! You are right in everything you wrote..

[Ahava]

Al lo davar

[monica7]

Ahava, You know hebrew!!

Toda raba!!

[Ahava]

Ahava, You know hebrew!!

Toda raba!!

Only a little