How do we deal with the distance? How do we close it?

[conflicted]

So where to start..?

My girlfriend and I met in Romania last summer, as I go there every summer to re-unite with my best friends and family (grandparents and such). I decided to take Grade 12 English during that summer online (HUGE MISTAKE) and was dividing my time each day to that, and my friends/family. One day after working for a good 4-5 hours on English alone, I was invited by my friend to go to his volunteer association for a water fight. I went so I could actually have some fun that day, we had the fight, and I had met so many more people, including my significant other (although she wasn't at the time). Now we instantly connected, started talking, but eventually she left, and I knew she was leaving town soon, so I didn't pursue. Now I found out later that day that she invited my friend (Let's call him #1 for the sake of anonymity), his girlfriend, and myself, to "Hang Out" later. #1 or his girlfriend couldn't go, but I went without telling her I was the only one coming (By #1's girlfriend's orders ).
Now I went, we had a lovely time, and got along so well that we made more plans, and ended up dating for the whole summer. We quickly got very attached to each other pretty quickly, and our overwhelming emotions for each other pretty much overflowed by the time she left to go to her home. We talked about the future, and if we should pursue this relationship. Even though our time was short, we felt like we had a special connection more then we had for anybody else in the past. So after much weeping on my part (considerably less on her's but that's what she does) and a little from her, we decided to stay together. Now, over the distance, we grew to love each other, as whenever we talk, we always feel better about anything. There was never a time I talked to her where she didn't make me smile and feel happy (unless something bad happened), same goes for her.
She has never felt the way she does for me for anyone else in her life, ever. And she's brought out emotions in me I barely knew I had. Now she wants to come here in Canada to study for university, so that she could go to a good school, and live with me. Now she is so smart that I'm absolutely sure she can get in if she works her ass off, so that's not an issue. But the issue is her parents, who (naturally) are pretty reluctant to let her go. We need help figuring this out, because her parents won't eve listen to her. But today, something else happened.
She is telling me that she doesn't know me well enough (physically) and that we need time actually living together. This is the big issue, and it's becoming more and more apparent as time goes on. We want to see how it's like before she moves from her home. But she's getting really worried about us having fights, and the fear of breaking up if we get sick of each other. There is clearly no sign of that now, but we are humans who can disagree, but I make it a point to always be fair, in every argument. I honestly think it's worth it because of the way we make each other feel, but I'm also scared of this as well. I thought this would be a good place to share my thoughts, and we really need some help in this situation. Any help/advice would be greatly appreciated.

[p_b82]

It is a tough and difficult dilemma that one, and one that can't easily be solved without one of you committing to move even if short term to test the water.

I am almost twice your age, and have the same 'fear' about closing the distance with my GF, I live alone did before my previous relationship, and moved into my own place again as soon as it ended, but she has 5 kids.

The only advice I can give is that, 'what if's' are not something that ever goes away, but it is often not worth giving them too much attention, we can convince ourselves that any scenario will happen, and if we act in certain ways after that, then they will. Sometimes we unconsciously cause the very fear to come to pass as a result.

You are both young, and do not need to rush into anything, a few more visits together would be ideal, even if they are only summer holidays - maybe next time you can go to her family for a bit as well as your own to help allay these fear of hers.

[squeeker]

I think it would either be good for you two to have more visits before closing the distance or make sure that you close the distance in a way that is not relying on you being together the whole time *just in case * and so there isn't pressure on you two.

The other thing... going to school in another country is great an all but remember that international tuition is typically quite a bit more expensive than domestic tuition so make sure you can afford it. Just look at all your options and as p_b82 said, you don't need to rush into anything. I think it's better to take thing slow. Then you will be even more solidified in your relationship with each other.. and especially if you can have more visits.. you already said you visit Romania quite a lot because of family and friends there so that's already a good thing for your relationship to grow stronger. Good luck and I hope you make the right decisions for you and her as a couple.

[rhabdoviridae]

At this stage in your relationship, I think her moving across the world to attend university so that she can be with you is a bit steep. You're still young and while I don't doubt your feelings, I think it's easy to get carried away and move too quickly. It is not advisable that she move from her home and directly in with you; while I'm sure plenty of people have made it work, it's something I think should absolutely be avoided so that you have time to work on your relationship without the pressure of living together and the risks associated if things don't work out or get bumpy. Moving out for university is a big step; moving to another continent with no family or friends is a huge step; moving in with a significant other that she's known for a relatively short period of time and one she's spent little time with is an even bigger step. Combining all of those big life events is a recipe for some kind of problem.

Even if more visits can be orchestrated, I still don't think moving in together as soon as she arrives is the best course of action. Live separately, date each other and see where it goes from there.