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Closing the distance = hitting a brick wall - country suggestions!?

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    Closing the distance = hitting a brick wall - country suggestions!?

    Hi all,

    Okay so this is complicated like most LDRs, so stick with me a bit!

    I'm from the UK. I went to Mexico on a gap year in 2009 and met my bf, who's Mexican. We started dating, and then I returned to the UK to do my 4-year degree. During those 4 years we spent all possible time together either in Mexico or the UK, living with his family, or with mine (at least 1 month for Christmas, 1 month for Easter, and 2-4 months over Summer, depending on my course requirements).

    He then went to the USA to work for 6 months, and I flew out to visit. From there we flew to New Zealand where we've been living for a year on Working Holiday Visas.

    Our plan was just to stay in NZ - we've closed the gap, and are living together as we always wanted (granted after 4.5 years' distance!).

    However, we're now in limbo waiting for his work visa to process, or for my work to offer me enough of a contract to get a work visa. Once one of us has a visa, the other can get a partnership visa, as here the requirement is for just 12 months living together.

    However, we're starting to get anxious about getting a 'no' from immigration and need to make plans. We have to leave the country by 30th November if we're denied visas - and would need to buy flights to Mexico or the UK, as well as sell all our belongings (we have furnished our house from 2nd hand goods, and have a car).

    Okay so that's basically it.

    Now, my question is, what other options do we have?

    In order for him to move to the UK we have to have lived together 'as a couple' for 2 years - a lawyer confirmed this to me last year.

    For me to move to Mexico it's 5 years living together (crazy right!).

    We're not married, and shouldn't have to consider marriage as an option for a visa.

    Are there any countries where the requirement is for just 12 months living together?

    He's unlikely to be able to secure a job in an English-speaking country, as his English isn't very advanced yet.

    At the moment out plan is just to go back to Mexico or the UK for 6 months (no visa required for either of us) and figure things out, but I just don't even really know where to start!

    I find it 100% unfair that somebody can marry after 1 year and suddenly their relationship has more weight than our 5.5 years. Immigration officials and governments are always talking about how they don't want false marriages but what do they expect when they don't give us any options!!!

    I've even investigated the Surinder Singh route into the EU but you have to be married for this.

    We're not particularly bothered where we live, as the whole point is to be together, but it would need to be English or Spanish speaking (i'm a languages grad so am more than happy to learn a new language, but my bf would struggle). Studies aren't really an option either as we don't have enough money for it.

    Any suggestions appreciated!!!!!

    Sarah

    #2
    You can disagree with the rules, but they are still the rules. What is the reason you prefer not to marry?
    I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
    - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



    "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

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      #3
      Well, a marriage has more weight because it's legally binding. As for whether that truly means anything in practice, well, the divorce rate in the Western world is a testament to that. My SO and I are not so much into marriage either, but we're getting married because it's the simplest way for me to secure permanent residency in France (and we haven't even been together a year, fancy that!) 5.5 years is enough time to know whether you want to marry someone or not. Why not, even as just a means to an end? You wouldn't be the only one.

      Comment


        #4
        Originally posted by neddrick98 View Post
        We're not married, and shouldn't have to consider marriage as an option for a visa.
        In an ideal world, you really shouldn't. But unfortunately that's not the kind of world we live in. I would have loved to live with my SO for a couple of years before we tied the knot, but that was simply not possible in any kind of situation. You at least had the opportunity to live together for an extended period of time to know that worked great as a live-in couple. I really hope your SO gets his work visa in time, but if he doesn't, what's so bad about getting married? You have been together a long time, and you love each other. Getting married in order never to live apart from one another is just as valid a reason to get married as... any other reason, really.

        If you are dead-set against marriage, then maybe look into immigration laws of other EU countries. As a UK citizen you can live in those countries. In Finland for instance, in order for your SO to get a residence permit you'll have to have lived together for two years, but maybe it's shorter for other countries.
        I thought of you and the years and all the sadness fell away from me - Pink Floyd

        Comment


          #5
          Originally posted by TwoThree View Post
          In an ideal world, you really shouldn't. But unfortunately that's not the kind of world we live in. I would have loved to live with my SO for a couple of years before we tied the knot, but that was simply not possible in any kind of situation. You at least had the opportunity to live together for an extended period of time to know that worked great as a live-in couple.
          ^^^^This!

          I do understand that marriage is not for everyone and the timing/age might be an issue for either of you, but you have to be realistic and do what's best for you both and the relationship if you want to be together.

          Can you both possibly get a WHV for Australia? They have defacto relationship partner visa, but of course one of you would need to acquire a work permit after the WHV and also gain permanent residency eventually.

          OR
          You could get WHV for Australia, live together for a year, then move to UK on partner visa.

          This might be an option but I don't know all the requirements.
          Met Online : July 2013
          Met in person : April - May 2014 (3 wks)
          2nd visit : June - August 2014 (2 months)
          3rd visit : December - Jan (2wks)
          Proposal : December 2014
          Closed distance : February 2015
          Married : April 5, 2015


          Comment


            #6
            I'm another who married for visas (and love, of course!! ). Hell to move to the USA you don't even have the option of a partner visa. If you're dead set against marriage, try a Latin American country. Easy to move to, he speaks the language, you could get a crappy English teaching job, and the immigration rules are slack. You could both work illegally without residency (getting paid very little) and make border runs every 3 months to renew your tourist visa.

            That or get married.

            Comment


              #7
              Thanks for all your responses!

              It's not that I'm against marriage - I'm an agnostic, so I'm not really for or against it. But my bf is catholic and wants it to be a proper marriage. I know I want to be with him forever, so you're all right that it's not such a bad thing, but I do resent not having a choice and I don't think any of you should have felt so forced to get married. I guess I'll just have to accept that that's the way the world works unfortunately. Age isn't really an issue either as we're both mid-20s so that's a reasonable age for marriage I guess.

              In terms of WHVs, the only countries to have WHV schemes for both UK and Mexican citizens are New Zealand and Canada. That's basically why we moved here and why Canada is an option for us.

              As for the illegal thing, well putting it that way I'd rather get married than live illegally somewhere! I've seen first hand how it is living illegally and I don't want the risk of being thrown out of a country after setting up home there and having kids etc.

              Thanks for making me see that some people have had it a lot worse than us - not being able to live together or being denied a visitors visa just to see each other.

              I guess more research is needed! I still have hopes that NZ will pull through but it's important to have a plan B!!

              Thanks all!!

              Comment


                #8
                I hope things work out for you
                I thought of you and the years and all the sadness fell away from me - Pink Floyd

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