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Lost in love...Can long distance relationship survive difficult times?...

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    Lost in love...Can long distance relationship survive difficult times?...

    My story is beautiful and magic, sad and very very complicated...

    We have met in India among hassle and noise of remote Asia two and half years ago. We both were working there for nearly a year. At our first meet at my friends house I thought that he is a little arrogant snobbish British boy and he thought that im another white silly girl who dates indian boy (I did date indian boy, dont ask, i would never do that again on earth!). Next few months we were not meeting but i have been hearing some things about him, mostly about his past travelling and I admired that, I almost wanted to be like him. On some winter night in company of our friends we have met again and I couldnt stop looking at him. We were staying over at our friends place and I kept on staring at his face not being able to stop. So strange! I just felt something really strong that struck me. I was still dating an indian boy and tried not to put attention on my constant thoughts about English boy. He started coming over every week or more, we were always surrounded by friends so never really had chance to have a real talk. I didnt allow myself to think of him like about something more than just a nice boy from book pages, imaginary character. For some reasons i thought that he wouldnt like me, so it was some sort of self-protection, I guess. Our company got smaller and there were usually just us two more friends so there were a chance to find out about each other more, we went on the trips to Himalayas, we spent evenings playing games, cards, talking, drinking and dancing. Once we stayed up all night long, we danced together and he kissed my shoulder, very gently, i could barely notice. I should mention that we were a bit tipsy and really knackered so the bravery might have come from there. At dawn we went for walk when the world was still hazy and sleepy and he took my hand in his pocket and didnt let it go for hours. he was holding it so tight that i was surprised and actually it was hard to figure out what he felt. Later on we made out and those were the sweetest kisses and feelings i ever had though before anything happened I kept my fingers crossed to not let anything happen as I was still in relationship with an indian boy (things were not going well at that time, i obviously wasnt in love with him), the betrayal seemed terrible to me! I would never imagine that I could hurt someone's feelings in such a horrible way! For the next month or so we were falling into each other's arms every time we had chance, only those two friends knew about it and for the rest it was a secret. For the first few weeks we didnt talk much, we couldnt have enough of love making.
    I had no idea how things would turn out and where we are heading to but i was falling deeply in love with him. He seemed to have all the features I always wanted to see in man. Our time in India was running out, we had about two months left and I was going to travel south to do a meditation course and he was going to travel with his friend who was coming to India especially to travel with him for a month. I was realising that i wouldnt fit with them, that would be rather strange for his friend and well, for both of us two. Not knowing what to do and fearing not seeing each other, one night i cried and after that I told him that I loved him, because there was no other way to describe my feelings and not calling it love. He was surprised and said that its not that he has fallen in love with me but its too early for such things. I knew that, but i wasnt sure that i would have another chance to tell about my feelings. Next morning after sleepless night he couldnt leave for work, he was coming back to my arms, kissing and hugging me, he said its good to be loved. We have decided to go on 5 days trip before we set for our separate travelling. Those 5 days there were just two of us and we had such a good time together. We were not speaking for about 14 days (my meditation course didnt allow communication), i had 3 weeks of travelling by myself and we were writing long emails about the things we saw and speaking on the phone. We couldnt wait to meet again, we have decided to do an epic Himalayas track for two weeks before I fly home. It was very good... He saw me off in the airport and i had no idea whether i was going to see him again as had no courage to pester him with questions how we are going to continue our relationship. Obviously, none of us knew, i would go back to Ukraine, he would go back to England, end of the story. But... it wasnt!

    Thats where long distance relationship began.

    My lovely boy went to Nepal for a month after I had left India when he called me from there we had many hours long conversation on skype, we were looking at each other smiling and sweetness was in the air. He flew back home and after 4 or 5 days he flew to my country to see me. Here we could see things from a different perspective. I was not in foreign situation anymore, i was at my country and he still was foreign and felt foreign. We spent another lovely week together and he went back to England. He was working there and I was working here, we were spending hours in skype (we have never done that before with anyone else), dreaming about being together. He came to visit me a few more times in the summer and we have decided that in September he will get a job here and we will move in together.

    Part 1

    And here is where difficulties began! He got a job which was well paid according to ukrainians but it was nothing if you come back with those money to the UK as exchange rate differs like hell. We paid lots for our flat, so we were not relaxed about money and we have never lived together with anyone, to be honest we havent even been in a serious or long term relationship. Anyway, he was not satisfied with his job (money as well) and me neither, it was long gloomy cold autumn and we seemed to be more miserable than happy. Also he couldnt stay in my country longer than 3 months without crossing the border so another separation was in perspective and we were very anxious about it.

    In the end of those 3 months term other things started to pop up, he was saying that moving in together was very abrupt, he doesnt know what he needs to do next, that we have culture differences (there are no proofs of that, as for me its imaginary and ridiculous) anyway, he left and i felt like i have nothing left anymore. Our flat was empty, i couldnt bare being there. After a couple days at home he sent me an email saying that he cant make me wait for him and hope for something and its better to break up etc. To me there was nothing truthful in that bloody email I almost didnt believe in it. I was angry that he didnt dare to tell it to my face and just sent a pathetic email! I talked to him the same night and said that I dont accepted such rubbish and he is a fool to write such things to me. He was shocked, he didnt expect a reaction like that. I was hurt and i felt terrible but I said all i was thinking and after couple of hours he wanted me to be next to him. Even a year after that night i could remember how painful that was. He was staying in England for the next couple of months and I was very bitter with him as it was hard to forgive thing like that. We spoke on skype, we wrote emails and then he decided to take a job in Poland which is quite close to the city where I live.
    Last edited by Sawyer; December 6, 2014, 07:39 AM.

    #2
    Part 2

    He came before starting that job and we both didnt know how that would go but again we had such a good time together that all that was, didnt matter anymore though deep in my heart i was terribly hurt. During next 6 months we had skype, emails and he was coming over every second weekend. We talked about me getting a job there but that was very unlikely to happen though i had lots of interviews. In a spring I came two times to visit him there, we had lovely trips and i even met one of his sisters. In the summer I managed to apply for British visa (its quite a big issue here to get it), as he was going to spend summer working in the UK. We were scared of not seeing each other in person for two months before I come, he even wanted not to talk for that time to make it easier (we didnt do that, obviously that wouldnt be easier for anyone).

    I finally came to England, i met his family, they liked me and i liked them, we travelled a bit and all would seem perfect if a massive choice wouldnt lay in front of him. He has applied for jobs in a different countries and he has been offered all of them and he had to choose quite quickly. he is not a big decision maker so he was nervous and stressed, he seemed to ask everyone about it. I was firm and was saying that going to Poland again is a bad idea as he was very lonely there, he didnt like it and I wont come there but he thought that returning to job is a good sign (he was going to another city, slightly better than terribly boring Warsaw but the same company). Other choices seemed attractive to me as I knew i would travel with him and those countries were interesting for me. But! Those countries were too far away and he didnt want to stay so far from his family again (he was doing there for 4 years). So, he chose Poland. I cried like a baby on some bloody british bus, like something terrible has happened, i knew that was a bad choice but i had to understand it and accept it...

    He came, he didnt like the job, I was supposed to find a job and come over there but i couldnt and I started hating that place now even more, we fought, we came to a dead end. We both were unhappy, struggling with ourselves trying to make some life choices which we were no capable of making.

    He came here for my cousin's wedding. And here you go with all the traditions and church ceremony which I knew he wouldnt stand. I felt that he wouldnt be happy at that wedding, i didnt want to go myself either but we were invited, everything was paid off and we just followed what was expected from us. I had cold, he was generally miserable because of the job-relationship-life situation so that wedding became a devilish disaster. He was so nervous in the church not being able to understand the language and not understanding the ceremony that I wanted us to leave but you dont do such things when all your relatives look at you. Not to make this story endless, he got really drunk at the wedding and became someone I never knew, someone I would never imagine he could be. He behaved like insane, i was frighten, my relatives were shocked, I slapped him couple of times after he offended me and I was so frustrated and shocked that i didnt know what to do. I tried to take him home but he jumped out of the taxi and started roaming on a dusty rural street in complete darkness, i had no idea where we were. I hated him so much that i wanted to leave him there and find my way back to the wedding place but I couldnt leave him! he would freeze till the morning, the police would take him! He blamed me that i took money from him, that i have no spirituality and all i ever needed was money and some nonsense (Our money were in his pocket and when i needed to pay for taxi he said he doesnt have them so i had to get it from his pocket myself which of course resembled him). I thought he is mentally ill, he was growling, screaming, beating fences, clapping etc. I was so scared. After we almost lost our senses from cold I managed to find a way back to the wedding place where everyone was crazy from worrying about us... In the morning at home he couldnt remember much, all he remembered how my cousins were trying to forcefully put him in the taxi and that certainly hurt his pride. I was shocked, I was angry, miserable, I wanted to kill him but in the same time I felt so sorry for him as I knew that what had happened was not his intentions but the result of his mind state. He was sorry. I was sorry too. Well, can there be a continuation after that?...
    Last edited by Sawyer; December 6, 2014, 07:41 AM.

    Comment


      #3
      Part 3

      He talked about that event with his family, they assumed that he was unhappy, he felt trapped and that led to things like that though they were not aware of the details and they were not aware of how it hurt me! Nothing seemed to be working between us after that time. The bitterness lays there. He came again after a month and we went to the mountains for a couple of days. We got lost there, we were alone in the mountains when it was completely dark. We walked on a muddy paths through the forest not seeing anything expect trees and starts. We felt calm even in such dangerous situation, we held hands, we talked about different things feeling so good being together again without all those city's noises and constant thoughts about life choices. I felt love again. Couple weeks later he started having strange panic attacks feeling anxious not being able to sleep or have peace. Again, he said that we need to stop our relationship as its not real, we just speak on skype, that i need to stop speaking to him because it hurts him too much. We havent spoken for a few days and then he wrote to me again and we talked again, he said that he needs to be next to me, he needs to sleep next to me to be ok again. He decided to leave Poland and find a proper doctors in the UK as the ones in Poland juts prescribed him anti-depressants. I was going crazy worrying about him, I was blaming myself that i couldnt protect him from things like that. I do understand that he wont be happy until he knows what he wants from life, until he gets an occupation he really enjoys because no one else can do those things for him. I tried to help as much as I could. So now its been couple of days as he came back home, he was craving for being with his family, and I also believe that home, peace and rest will cure him soon. He said that he used all his capacity of being abroad, no more, so England then... where I cannot come, I can live in the UK only if im married to the British citizen. Somewhere deep I suspect that he has one of those difficult times that are connected with age. He is 28 and now he realises that he needs to settle and looks back on what he has got. No satisfactory work, no place to live, the only way to stay with me if its in the UK is to get married and he is clearly not ready for marriage...

      Should I just accept the fact that we cannot be together, that we were not meant to be together? No matter what I still want to be with him, we are connected in a very unique way, I dont want to lose something that might happen only once in a lifetime...

      Comment


        #4
        Your story is unique in some ways, but also carries a tune that rings in hearts around the world.. I feel you should absolutely stay together! Look at all the things that you have been through together!! And as soon as you or he thinks its over, you feel it... That is love, sweetie!! You are learning each other, still!! I believe that your story with him should continue on... We all suffer in some way in LDRs.. That doesn't mean the love isn't real or isn't there!! Good luck to you both, and may you be blessed!!

        Comment


          #5
          Thank you so much Ann Marie! Its very nice to hear that my story isnt actually a "losing game"! I feel that I have got something that many never even felt and I should keep it. I hope we are strong enough to make it work!

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