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    Too Perfect

    When talking with my SO, the word "Perfect" comes up a lot, if i say something cute or nice she will say that I am perfect, I totally get that. I look at her and she is perfect too but all of this perfect scares me. The thing is, no one is truly perfect, we all have flaws and issues we struggle with. It is a part of human nature, I mean, you don't ever have to teach children how to misbehave after all, they have a way of figuring it out for themselves. The thing that bothers me is that if she sees me as "Perfect" (and i have talked to her about this) and does not recognize any flaws of mine or tries to justify my flaws, how well does she actually know me? We have never met in person but are becoming more and more involved (she has said that if i asked her to marry me at anytime she would say yes). I am glad she loves me, I am glad that she sees me as her knight in shining armor so to speak but I feel like if a relationship is going to succeed, without someone being trapped and having resentment, you need to understand any problems with your partner. Am I over analyzing things? Thoughts?

    #2
    You're still in the honeymoon phase. I wouldn't worry about it yet. At the beginning of my relationship with my fiance I thought he was perfect and there was nothing he could do to make me mad, but now I know that there is quite a few things that I know I have to accept about him, even if they annoy me. It comes with time.
    Remind her occasionally that no one is perfect and it should be alright.

    Relationship began: 05/22/2012
    First Met: 03/21/2013 - 03/30/2013
    Second Visit: 06/06/2013 - 08/21/2013 ~ Proposal: 07/06/2013 ♥
    Third Visit: 10/09/2013 - 01/08/2013
    Closed the distance: 11/20/2014 ♥
    Married: 1/24/2015
    Became Resident: 9/14/2015

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      #3
      Maybe my relationship was kinda backwards, but in the beginning of our relationship we argued pretty often, which sounds weird I know, but both of us can be a little stubborn and we were trying to figure each other out and that caused disagreements. We're more in our honeymoon phase now, *almost* 2 years later after we have really gotten to know each other and fall in love. I've told him several times before that I think he's perfect. He would always tell me he's not perfect and nobody's perfect, all the same things you're saying. Idk about your girlfriend, but I know that when I say it to my boyfriend, it's not because I'm overlooking his flaws. Everyone has flaws and you can't be naive and just assume someone is perfect. I still tell him he's perfect because I can be cheesy at times and I want him to feel good and make him smile. I have realized that he has his flaws, but his flaws don't mean that he can't be perfect in other aspects, like perfect in cute name making and all the silly stuff we like lol

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        #4
        I guess she is just trying to give you a compliment.

        In real life when you are together you will probably not like all about each other, but that doesn't have to be a problem either. We ddon't have like any big issues with each other, I mean we have different personalities so sometimes they clash, and I can be a bit time management blind and he walks too fast in a shop (he is used to having jobs where he had to walk very fast) and I could do without him smoking in the toilet and being passive agressive sometimes, but we manage. He has flaws but he is perfect because he is the man for me.
        I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
        - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



        "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

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          #5
          where together for 2 years now and i still think of him as perfect and he is to me! flaws and all!!
          Call it what you want honey moon fase or what ever. but sometimes 2 people just click right and there perfect for each other, you know each others flaws and that is all oke because they understand you and love you despite your flaws and that is perfect to me

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            #6
            My SO is perfect for me, but that doesn't mean he's literally perfect - Far from it, he got his flaws and annoying bits like any other person, and they can definitely piss me off. But he's still perfect for me, as the whole package, because I know he's the right one for me. You can think someone or something fits you like a glove and still see and call out their/its issues

            ~
            It'll take a lot more than words and guns
            A whole lot more than riches and muscle
            The hands of the many must join as one
            And together we'll cross the river

            Comment


              #7
              Well I think you're all wrong as my SO is THE perfect one

              Comment


                #8
                OP, relax! The crazy love hormones loosen their grip with time and that's when a couple can actually get to know each other, for real. Enjoy this while it lasts, because it's fun in it's own way.

                vicks5721, I think you're missing what people mean by the honeymoon phase. Most people are describing the time when you're so high on the thrill of meeting someone, your brain doesn't let you see any wrong. It's just a fact of human biology. For me, I remember vaguely noticing flaws, but thinking they were too perfect to be a problem later. I certainly didn't love my SO less afterwards. In fact, I feel like I only really started loving him after it was over and I think that's true for any long term couple. I still find some behaviours and opinions of his irritating, and I'm sure I can annoy him too. If we weren't madly in love, we wouldn't find a way to work past that.

                Married: June 9th, 2015

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                  #9
                  Indeed, the honeymoon phase just refers to the initial phase of infatuation, where the positive hormones at at their highest, where people talk about having butterflies in their stomach and everything. Once you settle more in with a person and get more used to them (in a good way), that phase usually ends. Having a relationship entirely based on hormones that make you overlook problems is not a very smart idea, so it's good that the honeymoon phase is over at some point. Think of it as the water going down into the soil - It gets less visible once the surface stops being damp, but it nurtures the plants all the better. The relationship just progresses to a more mature, tightknit level after the honeymoon phase.

                  ~
                  It'll take a lot more than words and guns
                  A whole lot more than riches and muscle
                  The hands of the many must join as one
                  And together we'll cross the river

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Honeymoon phase is what we polys like to call New Relationship Energy, which lasts for maybe a year into the new relationship, where everything is fun and games and you don't really see issues with anything. At the same time, NRE can also bring out insecurities because you don't actually know each other that well and there could easily be misunderstandings. Long Relationship Energy is the phraze that follows, where you start to notice flaws more and see differences, the love can be strong but since it is based on knowledge it doesn't have the element of surprise as strongly. Sometimes you have to come to terms with things that brother you , like I had to face the fact that SO is shy of conflict. That makes him great to be around but it also means that I will be the one bringing up all our issues until we die. But hey, Long Relationship Energy means you have to be less careful because you know how the other person will react, in and out of bed. You can also feel a safety that allows you to love deeper.
                    I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
                    - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



                    "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

                    Comment


                      #11
                      Originally posted by vicks5721
                      I understand where you are coming from and get exactly what it means, I feel maybe you misunderstood what I meant, I meant simply in my opinion and personal choice I don't agree with people saying "Everyone" goes through a honeymoon phase, I know in my heart that my SO and I will do all to keep our love alive and we will still be showing excitement etc in months, years to come. I didn't mean I won't or don't know or see my SO flaws, I know I have many too, nobody is perfect, I already know all the things about my SO, as we talk about our lives and deep conversations. Yes of course we have times we irritate one another or get frustrated, that's only normal. We just accept it already and love each other unconditionally no matter what I mean from what I wrote before. So I am saying it in our relationship it ISN'T as if being blind to flaws, as we already see them and accept them about each other. Sorry I had to reply.
                      Sounds to me like yours lasted shorter than others You can't tell me you were looking at your SO the very first time you talked and were like "I hate when he does that", since you obviously didn't know about any flaws yet :P That's all we're talking about! There is a time in a relationship when you get to know each other and just enjoy being in love and then comes the time when you see all the things that are not perfect about them. It's different to everyone, but I seriously doubt you never had that :P

                      Relationship began: 05/22/2012
                      First Met: 03/21/2013 - 03/30/2013
                      Second Visit: 06/06/2013 - 08/21/2013 ~ Proposal: 07/06/2013 ♥
                      Third Visit: 10/09/2013 - 01/08/2013
                      Closed the distance: 11/20/2014 ♥
                      Married: 1/24/2015
                      Became Resident: 9/14/2015

                      Comment


                        #12
                        I think this is a misunderstanding of words, I had a feeling people wouldn't understand what I mean by what I wrote, nevermind, no worries.

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                          #13
                          Relaaaaaaaax! Breathee! XD. Enjoy your time together in this phase. You'll both be fine. It's natural to feel this way; don't overworry yourself about it.

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