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    Feeling super stressed out

    Lately I've been feeling so stressed out that it's been driving me crazy. I guess the shock of our plans of my SO coming to visit me going up in smoke have hurt me more than I realized. Sometimes I feel like giving up on him because this relationship just stresses me out, but this is not what I want and it's not what he wants. We have a future together. We made plans of closing the distance after I graduate in December, yet I feel like I'm ruining everything by feeling this way. It's not just him that's stressing me out too it's like everything in my life right now is causing me stress. I really want our relationship to flourish yet I have no clue how to tell him about any of this without hurting him. Is anyone else in a similar situation? Also how do you all deal with stress?

    #2
    I don't mean to be rude, but you've only been together for three months. If it's already stressing you out this bad then you either need to find a way to deal with it (and fast!) or decide if it's worth it to you. I don't mean to be harsh. We all have experienced these feelings, but you cannot live like this. Most of us will tell you that our LDR's are only as good as our own mental health. Talk to your SO. Just be honest with him and explain why you are feeling stressed. If he can't handle your feelings then that is not a good sign for your future as LD. A HUGE part of it is communication.

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      #3
      When I get stressed I go hang out with friends, or I watch a.movie and.make.myself a cup of.tea.
      If you both.don't want it.to end, then you do.need to reel in your stress. I know it's hard, but try writing your feelings in a journal, this is.something I did.when I was a military girlfriendsl, and it got me through a deployment without going totally insane. I highly recommend it. Write as much as you need.
      "We are beings attracted to the essence of hope, and life is the all encompassing hope that everything can change; that everything can be better."

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        #4
        You need to vent to someone in real life about this as well. Sounds like you're isolating yourself, moping around and allowing yourself to dwell. This kind of attitude, whilst it cannot be helped in some instances, will make you ILL as well as super stressed. Do yourself a favour, pull yourself together, don't think about the bad stuff, and focus on the good things. You are coming off as being somewhat selfish in your wording: "Sometimes I feel like giving up on him because this relationship just stresses me out, but this is not what I want and it's not what he wants." If you know it's not what he wants, then DO SOMETHING about it. DO SOMETHING to avoid losing him, because if you're not careful, your attitude may wear him down to the point he cannot take it anymore. You have the power to change, you just have to have the will power to do this. Only you can change yourself, no one else can do it for you.

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          #5
          Originally posted by MissingMyDutchLove View Post
          I don't mean to be rude, but you've only been together for three months. If it's already stressing you out this bad then you either need to find a way to deal with it (and fast!) or decide if it's worth it to you. I don't mean to be harsh. We all have experienced these feelings, but you cannot live like this. Most of us will tell you that our LDR's are only as good as our own mental health. Talk to your SO. Just be honest with him and explain why you are feeling stressed. If he can't handle your feelings then that is not a good sign for your future as LD. A HUGE part of it is communication.
          No you're not being rude or harsh. I actually appreciate this actually. I guess I kinda forgot that we've only been together for 3 months because it doesn't feel like it lol. I'm gonna definitely talk to him about this and I know he'll take me and my feelings seriously because he always has been so far. I think that this will be worth it in the end and I'm not gonna let my insecurities win

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            #6
            Originally posted by Honour View Post
            You need to vent to someone in real life about this as well. Sounds like you're isolating yourself, moping around and allowing yourself to dwell. This kind of attitude, whilst it cannot be helped in some instances, will make you ILL as well as super stressed. Do yourself a favour, pull yourself together, don't think about the bad stuff, and focus on the good things. You are coming off as being somewhat selfish in your wording: "Sometimes I feel like giving up on him because this relationship just stresses me out, but this is not what I want and it's not what he wants." If you know it's not what he wants, then DO SOMETHING about it. DO SOMETHING to avoid losing him, because if you're not careful, your attitude may wear him down to the point he cannot take it anymore. You have the power to change, you just have to have the will power to do this. Only you can change yourself, no one else can do it for you.
            Sorry I didn't mean to sound selfish lol I guess I was just in a bad mood when I wrote this. And you are definitely right. I need to be doing other things in my life. I know that the solution to this problem is really simple, I just tend to make things really complicated when I'm upset and I think I warned him about this when we first started dating so he should understand

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              #7
              That's the right attitude! =)
              "We are beings attracted to the essence of hope, and life is the all encompassing hope that everything can change; that everything can be better."

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                #8
                This really helped let off some steam. Thanks all

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                  #9
                  No problem, that's what we're here for
                  "We are beings attracted to the essence of hope, and life is the all encompassing hope that everything can change; that everything can be better."

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                    #10
                    Originally posted by TheSteelAngel View Post
                    I just tend to make things really complicated when I'm upset and I think I warned him about this when we first started dating so he should understand
                    Sounds remarkably familiar... I think I said much the same to my SO, lol.

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                      #11
                      It is understandable to be frustrated about visits. Don't think too much about closing the distance right now, but focus on enjoying your everyday life, communicate with your SO and start to plan around the next possable visit. Working out has helped me a lot to deal with LDR stress. It has also helped me to do things for SO, like writing him love letters.
                      I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
                      - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



                      "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

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                        #12
                        Oh poppet....

                        This happens to all of is from time to time. You are stronger than you think you are, you can do this!!!

                        It's very frustrating when things go wrong and sometimes things can really get on top of you. My valentines card(s) have gone missing in the post, they made it from Chicago to London but have disappeared since then. It's terribly frustrating and me and my (incredibly patient and understanding) SO had a falling out over it because I accused him of lying and not sending it. I feel awful about it now because I know deep down he'd never lie to me.... I have apologised profusely to him.

                        Keep your chin up, we are always here to vent to if needed. Try to take one day at a time and focus on the positive things. Communicate with him, and if you're feeling angry, take a step back before you speak to him otherwise you will take your frustrations out on him. He is probably feeling just as bad as you, he just dealing with it differently.

                        Things will get better!!!

                        Comment


                          #13
                          Originally posted by Unicorn26 View Post
                          Oh poppet....

                          This happens to all of is from time to time. You are stronger than you think you are, you can do this!!!

                          It's very frustrating when things go wrong and sometimes things can really get on top of you. My valentines card(s) have gone missing in the post, they made it from Chicago to London but have disappeared since then. It's terribly frustrating and me and my (incredibly patient and understanding) SO had a falling out over it because I accused him of lying and not sending it. I feel awful about it now because I know deep down he'd never lie to me.... I have apologised profusely to him.

                          Keep your chin up, we are always here to vent to if needed. Try to take one day at a time and focus on the positive things. Communicate with him, and if you're feeling angry, take a step back before you speak to him otherwise you will take your frustrations out on him. He is probably feeling just as bad as you, he just dealing with it differently.

                          Things will get better!!!
                          Omg thank you! And the same thing happened to me. He got me one of those preserved roses for valentine's day and it must have gotten lost in the mail because I never got it, which added more stress to my life. I'm so sad about what happened, but I guess these things happen. I hope I get to talk to him this weekend.

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                            #14
                            You also need to understand that while this is hard for you, and stressing you out and making you sad, imagine how he feels too. He's a cop. That in itself is enough stress. And, I'm sure he feels like crap that things fell through and it's technically his fault. I definitely agree with MissingMyDutchLove. You've barely just begun your relationship, if you are getting this stressed out so early, that's not a good thing. You need to talk to him.

                            And, I hate to say it, but this is the territory that comes with dating someone in an LDR, especially where one of you is Law Enforcement or Military. It's hard. But, in the end, their career/service comes first. They're there to protect and serve. Even my SO's job gets in the way of our relationship, and before that, his Military duties. I've been going on over 2 years of this.

                            Something my SO always brings up to me is that cop/Corrections Officer/Military relationships and marriages have the highest break up/divorce rates because of the stress.
                            Last edited by whatruckus; February 25, 2015, 03:22 PM.

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                              #15
                              Originally posted by whatruckus View Post
                              You also need to understand that while this is hard for you, and stressing you out and making you sad, imagine how he feels too. He's a cop. That in itself is enough stress. And, I'm sure he feels like crap that things fell through and it's technically his fault. I definitely agree with MissingMyDutchLove. You've barely just begun your relationship, if you are getting this stressed out so early, that's not a good thing. You need to talk to him.

                              And, I hate to say it, but this is the territory that comes with dating someone in an LDR, especially where one of you is Law Enforcement or Military. It's hard. But, in the end, their career/service comes first. They're there to protect and serve. Even my SO's job gets in the way of our relationship, and before that, his Military duties. I've been going on over 2 years of this.

                              Something my SO always brings up to me is that cop/Corrections Officer/Military relationships and marriages have the highest break up/divorce rates because of the stress.
                              I completely understand this and I'm glad that you brought this up actually. After reading my original post I realized how incredibly selfish I've been for writing this. I haven't been thinking about how he must be feeling at all and I feel terrible. I've heard about the high break up and divorce rates between LEO/Military couples and I swore to myself that that isn't gonna be us and it won't be us. I guess I just go crazy sometimes when we don't talk but when we do everything is great. I just need to talk to him and be able to see his face again lol

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