I think I have messed up big time. Can anyone help?

[kirsten119229]

Last night me and my SO were talking on the phone and the conversation got round to animals and fish in tanks specifically. It's probably a good idea that I tell you that he is a Falconer who has many birds which he keeps really well for his work.
Here it comes. I was saying to him that I don't like seeing fish in tanks as I feel sorry for them (in a jokey way) and then I came out with "I don't like birds in cages" which I immediately recognised as a red flag. But I honestly didn't mean it like that. I meant that I hate to see birds, and any other animal for that matter in inadequate cages and not being looked after. There was a stony silence from him and I genuinely thought the line had cut off. I asked him if he had heard what I had said, and the reply was "yes. And well done for trying to back pedal." I tried explaining that what I said did not explain what i meant, and he said he understood, but I could tell he thought I was lying. The rest of the call was very awkward and he kept changing the subject very obviously if I tried to discuss it.

I texted him after the call just to again explain my side, and again he changed the conversation immediately, and just said "night" which is not like him.

I am now paniking that I have ruined everything and that in the next few hours I will get a text saying I'm dumped. His birds are his life and he loves them and I feel like I have offended him. He told me it is the most important thing for him in a girl that they are OK with the birds. Which i am!!! I just messed up

Sorry for rambling. Any kind of advice or general comforting is welcome haha

[MissButterfly]

Awwwh so sorry to hear that happened! We all say things in weird formulations/not-so-tactical ways sometimes. You've explained what you meant, and that's all you can do... You were honest and he should trust you, if he can't that's a problem on his end you need to talk about. If it comes up in the future, I guess you could re-iterate that you're totally ok with the birds, or randomly ask how things are with them. If he's going to hold this against you while you've made it clear you didn't mean it like that, that would be pretty sad. Hope you can work things out!

[kirsten119229]

Awwwh so sorry to hear that happened! We all say things in weird formulations/not-so-tactical ways sometimes. You've explained what you meant, and that's all you can do... You were honest and he should trust you, if he can't that's a problem on his end you need to talk about. If it comes up in the future, I guess you could re-iterate that you're totally ok with the birds, or randomly ask how things are with them. If he's going to hold this against you while you've made it clear you didn't mean it like that, that would be pretty sad. Hope you can work things out!

Thanks for the reply. I feel less bad about it now. I thought about it more and realised as long as I know i've told the truth, thats all I can do. You are right. I have explained, and thats the best I can do.

I think it was the silence and the awkward conversation after that really made me worry. I'm still worried now! Even though he has messaged me this morning, i'm still not sure.

Thanks again for replying. It's so nice that people here care. I don't really have anyone else to talk to, so thank you

[whatruckus]

That's happened to me and my SO many times. I think he did get offended, and maybe just needed time to cool off. Usually, my SO just flat out ignores me when he gets mad. Plus, you already explained that it was a joke that went the wrong way and you said the wrong thing. MissButterfly is right, you did all you could do. If that is something that really is a dealbreaker for him (though it doesn't seem like it because you said he messaged you today), then...oh well.

We all say and do stupid things sometimes, it's natural. Nothing to worry about.

[MissingMyDutchLove]

Yup, my SO does this when he's upset with something I said too. Most of the time it just blows over, but sometimes he just needs to be mad for a while before he can let it go. If it's one of the most important parts of his life, then it probably is a pretty sensitive topic for him. You could try to reach out to him one more time through some kind of written communication. For me, it always helps to get to write what I want to and make sure he reads it all and doesn't cut me off. However, if you think he's over it, just try to move on until he makes a comment or appears to be mad.

[kirsten119229]

Yup, my SO does this when he's upset with something I said too. Most of the time it just blows over, but sometimes he just needs to be mad for a while before he can let it go. If it's one of the most important parts of his life, then it probably is a pretty sensitive topic for him. You could try to reach out to him one more time through some kind of written communication. For me, it always helps to get to write what I want to and make sure he reads it all and doesn't cut me off. However, if you think he's over it, just try to move on until he makes a comment or appears to be mad.

It turns out he was very mad. He dumped me. But not only because of that, but because he had kissed his best friend and decided he liked her more.
Should have stuck to my gut instinct. So i guess this is my last post, seeing as i'm not even in a relationship now, let alone a long distance one.

Thanks anyway guys.

[whatruckus]

It turns out he was very mad. He dumped me. But not only because of that, but because he had kissed his best friend and decided he liked her more.
Should have stuck to my gut instinct. So i guess this is my last post, seeing as i'm not even in a relationship now, let alone a long distance one.

Thanks anyway guys.

Wow. So, basically, he just turned to be a douche bag. I'm sorry. I don't know if you're going to see, but you're still more than welcome to hang around.