Closing the distance....and a cast of thousands

[Katy_G]

It's official. In two weeks my SO will be coming home here to the Philippines, for good!

I'm excited for this since it means that I get to officially introduce him to my family---meaning my parents, my siblings, and all the friends who have become like family to me over the years. It helps that my SO and my dad have been somewhat communicating via Facebook, mostly thanks to my dad keeping him updated when I got hospitalized briefly. My mom has been far more reserved when it comes to online communication with him; she's really more of the sort who prefers in-person meeting. I need to assuage her doubts about how 'different' my SO and I may be face to face. As for my friends, they have been wise enough to suggest friendly double dates or group dates, which I suppose eases up the tension greatly.

It also means I get to meet more of his family (I've already befriended his siblings and I've been in touch with his mother). That also includes my SO's close friends from college days. At least the ice got broken too with social media; as it turns out his best friend and I have the same weird sense of humor.

What worries me though is what will happen when I introduce my SO to my extended family. Some of my relatives can be a bit judgmental; admittedly they are well off, well connected and have never had to worry about advancement. My SO and his family do not move in the same social sphere.

Any tips on how to deal with this potential bugaboo?

[C.C.]

Can I ask something?

What does your extended family's attitude affect?
Can it physically affect your relationship or is it just you wishing for him to be accepted (more of an emotional thing). And are you close to your extended family? Like do their opinions actually matter to you that much?

[Katy_G]

Can I ask something?

What does your extended family's attitude affect?
Can it physically affect your relationship or is it just you wishing for him to be accepted (more of an emotional thing). And are you close to your extended family? Like do their opinions actually matter to you that much?

It can affect how my parents accept him. I hate to say, my relatives' opinion matters to my father especially. And if somehow they make it clear that they don't like him, my father may be less inclined to let me see my SO. It matters since I still live with my parents. It matters since my SO would also like to (someday) get my parents' blessing when we do decide to settle down.

And yes, I'm close to my extended family. I see them every week. I grew up with my cousins. My older relatives helped put me through medical school.

My SO and I are Filipino. In our culture one doesn't just court a person, one courts the entire family.

[C.C.]

Ah that makes sense.
I understand you two looking for your parents and close family's acceptance. It's just in my case extended family doesn't really influence close family's opinions or acceptance.
I know cultures are different so I made sure.
In my case for example, sex before marriage isn't really an accepted thing so I am genuinely afraid that I might not get my family's approval or support if I decide to visit my SO in his country.

However, your SO's social sphere isn't something that you could change now, right? So, I dunno, maybe focus on him making a good impression by his behaviours, manners, etc. Also I hope that no matter what others' think, your father will come to see your relationship and its importance for what it is over time and that if he likes your SO as a person he won't let more materialistic details influence it all that much. But you know him the best.

I really have no idea though, I think what makes things easier for you two is that he is a Filipino as well and that he understands the culture itself. It's a better situation than introducing a foreigner who has no idea about your culture. So he'll probably have some ideas of his own as well and he'll know how to behave in particular situations, etc.

No matter what happens and how stressful it is, though. Don't let it ruin your relationship and try to maintain its strength despite everything~
Best of luck :3

[Katy_G]

Thanks for the advice!

It helps that some of my more critical relatives won't be in town when he gets here (they are leaving a few days before that, thankfully). Hopefully things will be easier before Christmas.

I also hope I can hold up my own end of being nice and polite when I meet his other relatives---in particular his dad and his only surviving grandmother. What's a great help is that I unexpectedly ended up clicking with the girlfriend of my SO's younger brother. I get a few tips from her on how to manage things.

[Katy_G]

An update on the situation.

In the past two weeks I've gotten to meet up with my SO's siblings and his nephew once, and my SO has met my parents thrice (he usually has to meet me at my home when we want to go out). My parents like my SO very much, and now see why we click.

Today I unexpectedly ended up introducing my SO to my grandmother and three of my cousins (my SO and I had an appointment in the same building where everyone was in). Of course I expected some good natured ribbing from my cousins, but what heartens me is that they were at least cordial with him. Grandmother was okay with him too. That's a good sign for when I have to introduce him to the rest of the family someday.