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    Ex Problems

    A little background:
    We've been together for around a year, but have known each other much longer. We both have children with our previous SOs. He's in the US and I'm in Canada.

    The problem is:
    His ex had moved out of state to live with her new SO. The day before yesterday he told me that she had called him claiming to be getting kicked out. He says he offered to help her get an apartment in the state he lives in, but she wound up calling his mom who went to pick up her and their kid and who are now both staying in the house my SO lives in. Feeling out of control of a situation that makes me very uncomfortable, I panicked and ended it with him. Obviously I did not handle it well at all. The situation worries me for a few reasons. I know when you have children there is always going to be some form of a relationship with the ex, so living in the same house seems like a bad idea. His ex has always hated me, and I have suspicions that she has ulterior motives and is hoping to rekindle their relationship. I feel that way because she's not been single in many years and just leaves one SO for another. Of course now in hindsight, by ending it the way I did I likely pushed him right towards her, though he claims he isn't interested in getting back together or being with anyone else. The distance further complicates things and makes me feel more helpless. He hasn't spoken to me since that day, which isn't unusual given that every time we have an argument or when I'm feeling discouraged by the distance he tends to withdraw. There are a lot of other little things that probably exacerbate the situation, such as he is bipolar and I have trouble expressing emotion in a healthy way. Now that it's seemingly over, I feel heartbroken and jealous and worried about what is going on with them. I don't even know what I'm hoping will happen. I'd like for him to talk to me, but I honestly don't know if I can continue a long distance relationship with someone who lives with their ex (albeit temporarily, supposedly). I know I reacted terribly. I guess I'm just hoping for some insight or some other perspectives that are more clear than my own.

    Edited to fix sloppy emotional typos.
    Last edited by newcarcaviar; August 31, 2016, 06:21 AM.

    #2
    My SO's ex was going to be on the street with 2 of his boys. He allowed her to move back in and made it quite clear that if it had been only her, she could have continued to live in her car but he wasn't going to let his boys live on the street. As you probably know, him going for full custody of the boys could have taken quite some time, so it was a short-term fix that has moved into a longer one. He's out of the house from 6am to 10pm or after and their paths barely cross. Do I worry about her or something happening between them? Not at all. He wouldn't get back with her in a million years. She knows about us, I talk to the boys - there is nothing hidden. I also have to look at it that if he would do this for his kids, it shows me what kind of a man he is that he would put himself in such an uncomfortble position for his boys.

    At this point, there really isn't much you can do unless your ex is willing to talk with you. If he doesn't want to, you'll have to take it as a lesson learned and work on how you deal with tough situations in future relationships.
    To those who dream, nothing is ever far away.

    ​Distance is to love as wind is to fire. It blows out the little ones and fans the big ones.

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      #3
      Thank you for your thoughtful reply. I'm embarrassed by the way I reacted.

      I'm glad that you're able to make this situation work. I hope that I can be as strong and confident in my relationship.

      Thanks!

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        #4
        Hi newcarcaviar,
        Sorry to hear about what happened to you... I know it's not easy.
        Sadly, I have no advice. I do have a question, may be it's a stupid one... What is an 'SO'?
        Regards,
        erwin
        Distance means nothing when someone means everything.

        Comment


          #5
          Originally posted by erwin1973 View Post
          Hi newcarcaviar,
          Sorry to hear about what happened to you... I know it's not easy.
          Sadly, I have no advice. I do have a question, may be it's a stupid one... What is an 'SO'?
          Regards,
          erwin
          SO = Significant other
          Our separation of each other is an optical illusion of consciousness. ~Albert Einstein

          Comment


            #6
            Originally posted by Moon View Post
            SO = Significant other
            Thank you.
            Distance means nothing when someone means everything.

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