When is ideal for long term plans?

[BritishGirl]

Hi everyone,

So me and my boyfriend have been together for almost two years now and I'm getting a lot of pressured questions from family and friends about what we plan to do. But as of yet we don't have anything set in place, is that weird?

I've been to visit him twice in the US and met his parents, he's been to visit me twice in the UK and met my parents on his last visit.

At the moment neither of us are ready to move, our relationship overall is a very happy one (although of course we wish we could be together more often!) we plan on double the number of visits next year to spend more time together. We get on great, love each other very much and rarely have any arguments.
But is it strange we aren't ready to close the distance yet? We're currently both working towards being self employed which will hopefully make things easier.

Anyway I've rambled, I'm curious when everyone else decided they were ready to close the distance? Was it quite soon or were you happy as you were for a while and waited until you felt completely comfortable taking the plunge?

[Harlequin]

If you're not ready yet, then you're not ready yet. It's not weird, so no worries! You guys know your relationship better than anyone else, and while it would be good to talk about closing the distance at some point, don't feel like you need to rush.

My relationship started close distance, then went long distance because he's in the military now. For us, closing the distance is the first thing we want to do once he is able to do so. But every relationship is different, and there's nothing wrong with taking your time if that's what you guys feel like doing.

[Moon]

No, not weird at all. Don't believe all of the "rules" for LDR's that you read, if your relationship is happy and it's working for you, well it doesn't get better than that, right?

[hmrambling]

Every relationship is different. IMHO the better you get to know a person before planning a future together, the better. If things are working for you, why change?

Also, please don't be pressured by other people to do things based on their opinions. Take your time and do things however they work for you.

[Honour]

Also, please don't be pressured by other people to do things based on their opinions. Take your time and do things however they work for you.

Can't stress this enough. No one will know you better than you know yourself when you're ready to do things. Advice can be given but at the end of the day you must feel comfortable to move forward when YOU are ready, not when others deem you to be ready.

[differentcountries]

No, it is not strange. You focus on having visits and pursuing your careers, that is fine.

We have focused on having frequent visits and working on our education/careers. Right now the both of us have limited vacation rights, but that will hopefully change last year. It is not so much about being comfortable taking the plunge - he would be happy to live in my country and I in his, by many accounts - it is more a matter of practicalities. We have to take into account language and visa, and sponsorship if we dont move for work.

[Fast Forward]

Ugh differentcountries, I am dreading these issues too now - hoping to get into a school over there, so visa would be sorted for a while...

I guess it all depends on your personal needs. Me, I could not do this without a plan on closing the distance. As of now it is still very vague, but knowing that we are probably moving in together in summer is helping me a lot to cope with the situation. And we have only known each other for half a year now... So every relationship is different and it only matters that both partners agree on that issue.You guys agree on taking things slow, my boyfriend and I started talking about closing the distance fairly early. As long as it is mutual

[Chris516]

It is only up to you. Not your friends' n' family.

[Elisabeth]

If you're happy with the current relationship, that's what's important. It's not weird to be happy staying long distance for awhile or even to not have plans to close the distance soon. I think it's good that you're both planning on seeing each other more often since that's what you and your SO want. Every relationship is different, so the important thing is to do what works for you.

[xxcazaxx]

Its totally best to go with the flow and do whatever suits you both. There is no set timeline on when we should do things in life (something that I often have to remind myself when all of my friends around me are either married or getting married etc). For my boyfriend and I it is going to be a long time before we are ready to close the distance. He is working towards regaining his pilots license (which lapsed) and I have always had dreams of going and working in the middle east for a year (which he is fully supportive of)