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Thread: First letter I send my SO!

  1. #1
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    First letter I send my SO!

    Hey everyone!
    I'm new to this forum - everyone seems lovely, and I'd like to know you guys better. I could use some help with my LDR!
    Here's my "problem":

    Me and my SO are not in a committed relationship. It's more of the "open relationship" kind, even though we decided not to call it a relationship at all since we're both facing a really busy period of our lives and need to focus on succeeding in our own, individual way. Therefore, a long distance commitment is not the best option for us at the moment. The feelings are there: we spent a couple of weeks together when we met, and we both confessed (via text in the following months as well) we are really into each other and sometimes wonder whether we should take what we have to the next level (especially me, since I'm not as busy as he is, so I have more time to daydream about having an actual relationship with him).
    A month ago, for my birthday, he sent me a letter with a really lovely message (not the sweetest things he's ever told me, but still nice) and a small present that was very personal and thoughtful and showed how much he actually thought about it.
    Now we're approaching the dreaded three-month-barrier, and I'm actually really scared his interest is fading. He's been getting gradually busier and busier, and I can accept that without any problems since he's always been really clear on that since day 1. What scares me is how, when we manage to talk, he seems really distant, and regards me as a friend or an acquaintance more than a would-be-partner. He used to send me loads of absolutely melense messages (I love those so much!), make me feel special and loved, and overall show much more attention towards me and my thoughts and feelings. Now I haven't even received something as stupid as a heart emoji from him in the last two weeks, and I don't want us to drift apart more and more, because I care a lot about him and our "thing".
    I had already planned to send him a letter back right after receiving one for my birthday, and I wanted to give him a little present too - I found a little, cute gift for him that's very relevant to us and I consider it perfect. It took a month to get here, and now that I should be ready to write a few lines and ship the whole thing I wonder about what I should actually be writing on that letter.
    I don't feel comfortable saying really sweet things like I would have a couple of weeks ago - seeing how distant he is all of a sudden, I'm afraid he wouldn't like that, and he'd consider me too clingy.
    But that letter is really needed in this moment: maybe that could help him rekindle his feelings for me and potentially save our "relationship".
    I'm usually very good with words and feelings, and being stuck without knowing what to put on a piece of paper is a shock to me.
    How should I behave? What am I meant to do to remind him I still need his affection? How can I explain him how special he is to me, and how I don't want to lose him?

    TL;DR - SO used to behave as if he were in love with me, now he doesn't anymore (may be linked to the famous "three months" that have passed). He sent me a letter for my birthday, and I want to send him one too (I got a meaningful little present as well), but I don't know what to write on that letter, and it's what could potentially save our "relationship".

    Thank you so much in advance! This is really important to me - I'm looking forward to getting to know the other members of the forum.
    - Nico

  2. #2

    Join Date
    Mar 2013
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    Welcome to LFAD!

    I wouldn't put so much stock into a letter as to think that it could save your arrangement mainly because that's a lot of pressure to put on yourself. However, I would approach it with the mindset that it might help, rather than save, your arrangement.

    Good communication usually does help, so I would focus on that.

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  4. #3
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    well it is pretty great you should go ahead with this

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