Starting a LDR, what do you wish you'd known?

[Jadegirl]

What do you wish you'd known?
He'll be in the UK, I'm in Australia.
My amazing bf of 4 months is going on exchange for 6 months. We want to try LD, but feeling worried and unsure how to make it work.
What advice would you want to know starting out? What's been the most useful? Anything, big or small, all advice is appreciated. Thank you

[Chris516]

What do you wish you'd known?
He'll be in the UK, I'm in Australia.
My amazing bf of 4 months is going on exchange for 6 months. We want to try LD, but feeling worried and unsure how to make it work.
What advice would you want to know starting out? What's been the most useful? Anything, big or small, all advice is appreciated. Thank you

Your question is subjective to, those that started out CD. Not everyone has.

Maybe, Putting yourself in the mindset of a military spouse, who's husband was sent on a 6mo. deployment.

[R&R]

One of the most important things I would tell someone who is starting into an LDR is to make sure you keep your individual life full and to take advantage of the free time. Since it's only 6 months, maybe sign up for a class that will help you towards your future goals or just to try something you have always wanted to learn.

People who go into it with a positive attitude tend to have a much better time of it than those who choose instead to be miserable about the whole situation and make their lives revolve around the next phone call or the next text message.

[Rezie]

All my "would have done" isn't applicable to a LDR that is for a pre-set ammount of time. But I can still give advise eventhough I don't know what I am doing 😀

I would say that set up rules and express your expectations that you can both agree on. Also a reminder for you that exchange time is amazing and a lot of fun. He is going to meet a lot of cool people and experience new things so don't make him feel guilty about it at any point. You have to let him do his thing and you need to keep doing your thing. 6 months will go fast 😊

[Littlewhiteflower]

Just take one day at a time..6 months aren't very long. It will be over sooner than you think.

You can see that as a way to see if your relationships is strong. if it survives the distance, it can survive to a lot.

Plan time with each other to skype, call, or text. Make sure to have free time for yourself too. Don't overthink every little things...if something is bothering or worrying you, tell it to your partner and try to solve it quickly...

Communication is the key in LDR I think (and faithfulness). So, communicate as much as you can but take time for yourself.

Good luck I'm sure you can both make it works.

[differentcountries]

I was in a 3-4 year long CD relationship that went international LD and did not work out.

Now I have been in a 3 year relationship that was international LD the whole time.

The difference between these two relationships were:
- in the CD relationship we were used to being very physical, that did not easily translate when going LD. We had not even been apart more than one week the whole relationship. We also did not think we needed to restructure our relationship
- Now there is much better techonology to stay in touch, as most people have computers with internet and smart phones. Back then, we did not have Skype and the mobile to mobile reception was terrible. The first thing SO and I did, was getting smart phones.
- I did not have a site like this to go to when local people did not understand my feelings about the relationship
- frankly I think I was just luckly that there was more trust in the 2nd one

As most people will tell you, you are lucky to have a timeline and a not too long one at that. But you are also not that lucky because a shorter timelime gives you less time to get used to the rythm of a long distance relationship. For me, it took 6 months to really get the "feel" of LDR. You will do the "speed version" of LD which has advantages and drawbacks.

What helped me was:
Skyping - taking lots of pics - doing everything DUY I could think of - plan visits - buy/make presents and letters - trying to figure out a plan for our relationship - trying to find out stuff to do for myself (in my case, I started a new job! I also continued doing NGO work, working out, seeing my friends et). - thinking of memories we had made or would make - of course visiting

[leilad]

you r getting good advice. doing the things you love, keep your friends, always say good morning via text or whatever and good night. Keep humor in your notes. B a little sexy if you want. Share interesting articles, pictures of where you are, food you eat. Send a surprise in real mail, maybe a cotton ball wrapped with your perfume. Have fun with it.

[Fldancer90]

My bf and I dated for 3 months before we turned LD. The biggest advice I would give is to let yourself feel the emotions as they come. It's okay to not be strong at times and it's okay to have breakdowns. The idea is you care about the relationship a lot and pushing those sad emotions away will not help make it any easier. After a visit with my bf, I normally have a pretty weak 24 hours. But once I let myself feel those emotions, I begin looking to the next time we're going to see eachother (or talk on the phone or Skype). It's all about being positive but don't feel like a failure if you have some low moments. The four months that we've been LD have actually gone surprisingly quick! Good luck!

[differentcountries]

Yes, people differ on the emotions thing. And it might change. I used to like sit down and cry more regularily before. Like after a visit I would cry, even violently. I was super sad in airports and would even cry the whole time back. Now after a visit I am mostly just very tired from the journey and I go on with my life, but all of a sudden I am in the bathroom, see the perfume he bought me and I start to cry for no reason and context at all. It is more like a silent river that sometimes comes out on the ground. The most important thing is; try to strike a balance where you visit the place of sadness but you don't live there. Remember that every weird feeling you might have is probably normal. And that as long as you keep exchanging bits of what is going on - practically in your lives, and emotionally in your hearts - you can be on board with each other.

[Sparkling72]

For me the biggest thing was understanding the fear and anxiety, and then being able to let that go. After all this time, I still struggle with it, but thankfully very rarely. It's important to sit down and discuss your expectations, your fears, your desire, etc. Are you worried he will see other people? or are you worried you will be tempted? If you both are worried about the same things, then that's a good starting point to understanding that you're on the same page. Someone once told me that worrying is like praying for something bad to happen. Have faith in yourself and each other first, everything works out the way it should in the end. 6 months isn't as long as it sounds... it will be difficult, but quicker than you realize.

[Jadegirl]

Thanks, this is a good idea, though of course I have it a lot easier than a military spouse! I will have a look at the military forum, thank you for the suggestion

[Jadegirl]

Your question is subjective to, those that started out CD. Not everyone has.

Maybe, Putting yourself in the mindset of a military spouse, who's husband was sent on a 6mo. deployment.

This is good advice, though we are very lucky to have it easier than military couples! I will read some posts in the military forum. Thank you for the suggestion

[Jadegirl]

One of the most important things I would tell someone who is starting into an LDR is to make sure you keep your individual life full and to take advantage of the free time. Since it's only 6 months, maybe sign up for a class that will help you towards your future goals or just to try something you have always wanted to learn.

People who go into it with a positive attitude tend to have a much better time of it than those who choose instead to be miserable about the whole situation and make their lives revolve around the next phone call or the next text message.

This is a very valuable point, thank you

[Jadegirl]

All my "would have done" isn't applicable to a LDR that is for a pre-set ammount of time. But I can still give advise eventhough I don't know what I am doing 😀

I would say that set up rules and express your expectations that you can both agree on. Also a reminder for you that exchange time is amazing and a lot of fun. He is going to meet a lot of cool people and experience new things so don't make him feel guilty about it at any point. You have to let him do his thing and you need to keep doing your thing. 6 months will go fast 😊

Yes, that's true, and it would be so easy to accidentally make him feel guilty. I'll keep this in mind

[Jadegirl]

Just take one day at a time..6 months aren't very long. It will be over sooner than you think.

You can see that as a way to see if your relationships is strong. if it survives the distance, it can survive to a lot.

Plan time with each other to skype, call, or text. Make sure to have free time for yourself too. Don't overthink every little things...if something is bothering or worrying you, tell it to your partner and try to solve it quickly...

Communication is the key in LDR I think (and faithfulness). So, communicate as much as you can but take time for yourself.

Good luck I'm sure you can both make it works.

Thank you for the advice and encouragement it means a lot to me!