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    Norwegian/American military relationship

    Hello everyone, I am still somewhat new to these forums. I posted once before, but I feel the need to post again today after a painful goodbye and whirlwind of change that happened yesterday. Apologies for the encyclopedia:

    My Norwegian boyfriend and I (American) met a little over a year ago online through video game. We were instantly connected and had incredible chemistry - the kind that best selling movies and books are about. We have been inseparable for the past year. We visited several times, and he even lived with me for three months until the end of September. Even when we were apart, we were always talking, watching something together, gaming together, having Skype dinner dates, you name it.

    I knew from the very first few months of our relationship that he enlisted in the army before he met me, and that he would be called for duty in January 2017. I flew to Norway to visit him a few weeks ago for Christmas, and we celebrated our one year anniversary 3 days ago, and then we both left Oslo yesterday morning. He went to his military base in Bardufoss, Norway and I went back to America. I am struggling so much right now. I didn't sleep well last night and of course there's the present stinging of the very recent goodbye that will fade over time. But something else is also bothering me.

    I have pretty significant anxiety issues. My boyfriend is well aware of them and he is wonderful about doing anything that he can to ease my anxiety and help. Starting about six months ago, I started having anxiety about the army: how much I would get to speak to him, if he would be in any danger, vacation time, and him potentially living in close quarters with women. When I was curious about what his service would be like, I came across articles about how wonderfully progressive the Norwegian army is. I also came across how many dorms are unisex with men and women living together.

    I love my boyfriend and he loves me. We are very committed and serious about our future. We've discussed it at length and we have a plan, and a backup plan and a backup to the backup. We are both very integrated into each other's families. For all of these reasons, I should have absolutely nothing to worry about. I should not feel any anxiety. But I do. I am doing what my therapist calls "catastrophizing" where I imagine the worst possible scenario and try to prepare myself for it in case it happens, even though the reality is they probably won't. I am perseverating on the chance that he grows very close with a fellow woman soldier and they develop feelings for each other. I trust my boyfriend and if I truly had to give my honest opinion, I don't think he would ever cheat on me. I'm not afraid of him cheating. I'm afraid of him falling out of love with me over this next year for somebody who's there all the time, every day, and lives in his country. It would definitely be easier to be with somebody else than me. I know that that's not what he wants right now. And I know these thoughts aren't rational, but I can't make them go away right now. Any insight or help you can provide would be much appreciated. Thank you so much!
    We First Met On: December 27, 2015
    We First Started Dating On: January 1, 2016
    First Meeting: March 18 to March 26, 2016
    Second Meeting: June 17 to September 25, 2016
    Third Meeting: December 20, 2016 to January 3, 2017
    He Left For The Army: January 3, 2017
    Next Meeting: April 7 to April 15, 2017

    #2
    I completely understand your anxiety. My SO is in the US Navy, I'm civilian. We have had a very similar, inseparable, deep, relationship. He is leaving for deployment within days. He has told me stories about how some navy women can be on ships, and personal experiences he has had. Of course, that scares the daylights out of me! I do the same thing regarding catastrophic scenarios. I know I do it b/c of my previous marriage... I prepared myself for catastrophe b/c he ALWAYS dropped bombs on me about finances, women on work trips, drugs, you name it... constant chaos control. (which is why he's an ex). Anyway... the best advice I have... when I need to calm myself, I literally take a deep breath, think about the good times and his reassurance. I remind myself that all of this is out of my control and think of my promise to him to keep the faith in us.

    I am sure he has the same worry, that you will find someone at home. so think of that, and how you feel when he says it - that NO WAY. And remember that he has the same reaction - No Way!! Have faith
    Sparkling72

    "Strength in Us!"


    "exclusive" since May 13, 2016
    ** Shortened the distance!! December 2016 **
    closing the distance in ~ Oct. 2018

    Comment


      #3
      That's a great way to look at it - that he has the same reaction I do around other men (thinking NO WAY). I just got off the phone with him about 10 minutes ago and he put my mind totally at ease. I think everything is going to be okay with us. I hope that you can remember your own great advice to me during your SO's deployment. Enjoy the time you have
      We First Met On: December 27, 2015
      We First Started Dating On: January 1, 2016
      First Meeting: March 18 to March 26, 2016
      Second Meeting: June 17 to September 25, 2016
      Third Meeting: December 20, 2016 to January 3, 2017
      He Left For The Army: January 3, 2017
      Next Meeting: April 7 to April 15, 2017

      Comment


        #4
        Hi,

        the base in Bardufoss is in the middle of nowhere and not a very exiting place in Norway to be. But the nature can be beautiful and for outdoors it is a good spot for a base.

        Norway is not in an armed conflict on soil, so the military service here is not a very dangerous place, not more than the police.

        As for vacation time, the military camp is 35 minutes from the closest town Bardufoss and 2 hours from Tromsø, the biggest city in Northern Norway. If you want to fly to Norway for vacation time with him close to camp, I would def go for my hometown Tromsø

        It is true that many dorms are mixed and the reason for that is that the women used to feel unsafe and less included in the separated dorms. Now that is also very many women since military became compulsory for both sexes. Btwy, the camp is in the middle of the woods so it will be cold in winter and lots of bugs in summer.

        I can understand the fear of thinking your man may loose interest. I certainly have felt this fear when we went from being a lot together (visits up to 1 months stay, frequent visits) to much less contact in every way. I just went with a leap of faith and found that when we both use our time well, our time apart has actually strenghtened our bond. More time apart means that we can concentrate on our jobs/careers, saving up money and planning for the future, and our visits are filled with more hope to not just have good times, but to one day become CD.
        I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
        - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



        "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

        Comment


          #5
          It's been a couple of days since I first posted this thread and a lot has changed. He has managed to communicate with me via text and calls a little bit every single day, which has done wonders for my anxiety. I'm feeling hopeful and confident in our relationship. My trust in him has strengthened instead of weekend, and I feel like our conversations are more meaningful now than they ever have been because we know how limited our time is to talk right now. I'm finding that I'm able to keep it together and be strong for him when we're talking, and in a lot of ways I'm really proud of myself because historically he's always been the person having to support me through some issues I experience.

          I'm also incredibly excited to say that I purchased my next ticket to visit him!! In 89 days, I will see him for about eight days for Easter. And even before that, at the end of February he has a few days off where he gets to completely go home!! That means I get to talk to and video call with him as much as I want to, you can see his family and friends, and do all the things that make him happy. That makes me so happy <3
          We First Met On: December 27, 2015
          We First Started Dating On: January 1, 2016
          First Meeting: March 18 to March 26, 2016
          Second Meeting: June 17 to September 25, 2016
          Third Meeting: December 20, 2016 to January 3, 2017
          He Left For The Army: January 3, 2017
          Next Meeting: April 7 to April 15, 2017

          Comment


            #6
            I know I'm late in replying to you... but that is great news!! buying tickets definitely gives you something to look forward to!
            Sparkling72

            "Strength in Us!"


            "exclusive" since May 13, 2016
            ** Shortened the distance!! December 2016 **
            closing the distance in ~ Oct. 2018

            Comment

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