Please help me make this decision... Australia to US - or US to Australia?

[jarrybotter]

Hi Guys,

Im 23, he's 24, weve been together 4 1/2 years and engaged for 1 year and a bit. We've been seperate while i study at uni and he works ( seen eachother for just 24 days this entire time) but i graduate at the end of the year so its time to make official decisions :S

The biggest decision we need to make is what happens at the end of the year - do i move there or does he move here? We really need help making this decision, literally any tips or insight would be helpful. Ill list the reasons for and against each of us moving:

Reasons for me to move to US:
- He is all set up there - retirement fund, good bank account, his own place to rent, his own car, all his family and friends are there. I would have to mnove out, find a job, rent a place, buy a car etc.
- Literally everything is cheaper in the us except healthcare - we could not afford an apartment in sydney (initially) without flatsharing and that is not ideal
- Ive lived in many different countries and travelled the world- moving isnt scary for me but hes born and bred small town southwest
- he does not have a degree - went stright to work from high school and fears he could not compete in the job search market over here even though he has been promoted really fast and got manager of the year awards ( is this an unfounded fear?)

Reasons for him to move here:
- I have a specialised degree in animal veterinary bioscience with a strong australian focus and so pay is much higher here for a graduate from my degree than it would be in the us, whereas he is working in hospitality so can literally get a job anywhere though he may have to work his way up again
- i think a change of place and culture would be good for him to broaden his world view. Also international hospitality experience would add volumes of pow to his resume!
- america has a healthcare system where your life is in the hands of an insurer who is a BUISNESS, there to MAKE PROFIT and so you are expected to know what you should be covered for before you have an illness otherwise hospitals can charge whatever they want and your insurer can choose not pay out... this scares me a lot as im always at the doctors which is free here btw
- Nothing was done about restricting gun use even after the sandy hook massacre - how can i be secure raising kids in a country where there is a shooting pretty much every week and most people own a gun which is 40x more likely to shoot a friend or family member than a 'bad guy'

Please let me know if my view of america is skewed - just what ive heard in the media. im open to any advice! I love him and would do anything for him and we're both so done with the waiting.

[sunmat]

I don't think a poll's result will be much helpful; nobody here is in the same situation as you. You should discuss that with him.

For the job market, maybe one way of doing is for both of you to start applying (or just putting a CV on relevant website) to jobs in the other one's country, and see what opportunities you get. I understand that the job aspect is very important: with my SO we absolutely excluded the possibility to close the distance in a setting where one of us would be out of job and relying on the other for a while. However one of my best friends from university had her boyfriend in Canada while she was in France, and after finishing her PhD she moved right away before considering the job aspect. It took her a year to find a job and it was a difficult year for her, but now they are married and she loves her job in Canada. Take into consideration also things like getting a work visa (are you a US citizen or Australian? how would it work for him to get a work visa in Australia?).

For the more personal aspect: if you are used to travel and he is not, you are pretty much in the same situation as me: I've traveled a lot while my SO stayed in her city with her family for her entire life. So it was important for me that she moves out of her comfort zone (so, in another country). Now that she has done it, I know that if we don't like it where we are, we can search for another city or even country, she would be ready to move. If you move to the US for him you will never know if he will ever be ready to move out of his comfort zone to make your life evolve in the right direction.

As for the "US healthcare / US guns / etc." I completely agree, I wouldn't see myself staying in the US long term, for those reasons and many more.

Have you considered other countries you could pick, given your jobs? Maybe a European country would be a good experience?

[snow]

I know of couples who live X years here and X years there, how they do it, I don't know, but I guess it's possible.

A poll is not going to help you, because frankly, it doesn't affect me so I could vote for either or nothing.

You guys need to have a heart to heart and figure out your options. If you move to the US on a work related visa, you generally don't have to worry about insurance as the employer will be able to provide it for you, if you come on a marriage type visa, you need to look into your fiancé's insurance to see if it covers spouses as not all of them do.
I lived here for 2 years without insurance and so far, I've been fine. When I needed to see a doctor, I went to a minute clinic and payed for the service and other than that, I didn't need anything else. Health care here sounds scary, but it's eh to me.

For what it's worth, I do believe you both should look into jobs in the other person's country to see what you can get. If your country is much more expensive and he is already established in his own, maybe you guys should see if you can stay in the US for a while, save money and then move down with that money to start a life where you could bring in more money.

But that's really something you guys need to figure out on your own - I don't know all of the details.

[Ejoriah]

I think it's a valid fear your SO has that his lack of degree will hurt him. As you've said yourself, your bachelor's degree has a heavy Australian focus so you might have trouble finding jobs or explaining the equivalency in the US. Without a degree your SO only has his work experience, which Australian employers might not take as seriously since they're from outside the country. It really depends on the individual employer and the practices within the field.

Have you looked into immigration requirements yet? Perhaps that will be the deciding factor for you. I know nothing about immigration to Australia, but I know for immigration to the US there are a few options, none of them easy.

[Keelah]

I voted.

I can't say our situations are identical but our ages are close and my LDR is from AUS.

I am going to give you an honest, maybe biased opinion that may not be in line with the rest here, hopefully it helps in some way and it doesn't offend anyone.

The main reason why I "chose" Australia out of the 3 options is because I lived there and in the US for enough time to understand a few things..

- You mention Healthcare and how an important factor it is for you. Healthcare in Australia is amazing. May not seem like it for the australians (I've heard more than a few complain) but for someone that knows how it works in Europe and in the US it is a blessing. So if it's important to you to have free access to your doctor like you are used to, I'd think more about this.

- You have been studying hard for a specialization that I find fascinating, but more importantly as you said, more focused on the Australian territory. It sounds specific and it gives me an impression on how much you love what you are doing. You need to ask yourself if you'd be as happy with a different job over there. While your SO works in hospitality (most of the people working there didn't start with a degree, myself included) which is.. well, pretty much the same everywhere. (of course, he wouldn't be starting with what he has accomplished now but I think it would be easier for him to get a near identical job somewhere else)

- I think the fact that he has never lived somewhere else than where he is now is more of a reason for him to move out.

- As for the gun law.. I'd be bound from personal experience to say yes, it is dangerous and you have the right to be worried about it. But. Australia has his own share of awful stuff happening to civilians all the time and if it's isn't guns it's always something else, so the fear is justified but I wouldn't use it as a reason not to choose US

There it is, of course I only allowed myself to speak about it like this because you asked for help on a decision, I really hope I've been respectful enough.
In the end, the others are right, the both of you should talk about it more and the idea of searching for jobs in both places first is a good start to understand where it could be easier to move.

Best wishes and good luck c:

[Rezie]

Can't really tell you what to do. Sometimes these can't be solved with logic. On paper it would make sense for me to move to my SO's,county (low unemployment rates, I speak the language, I'm more educated etc.) but from emotional/social point of view it makes sense for him to move here and I think they are both equally important.

Here are a few questions/comments:

Would he be upto moving to AUS? You say that moving to US is not a problem but would your SO fell comfortable moving to AUS?
Which country has easier immigration process?
your SO's lack of education might be a huge factor. Depends on what he does.

[sasad]

We shoot each other all the time. And we cant go to the doctors to get healed up ever.

Umm no, that's not what America is like. We are a HUGH country. Don't assume everyplace is like that. Its like me saying I would never go to France.. all those bombings and terrorist attacks etc.
So do doctors and dentist work for free there? Healthcare is fine here if you work for a company that pays.. I don't know what's going to happen with Trump taking down Obamacare.. I am GLAD I have insurance, and thy don't just refuse to pay.

Please educate yourself I try to do that and not pass judgement based off a few things.

And no, I didn't vote.. I would never let random internet people decide my future

[Allurial]

Moving can be a really tough choice, I know for me it came down the the fact I am more settled in MA then he is in his state. I am also much closer to my family then he is and that was a huge deciding factor for us, knowing that I would have a difficult time being away from my parents who need a lot of care. There is a lot to take into consideration as people have mentioned above.
Family, Car, House, Job, Visa, Cost of Living, Weather/Climate, etc.

[lucybelle]

I'd suggest moving to USA first (are you aware of visa procedures in each country as well?) and if in another two years you want to move to AUS, do it. I lived in my SO's country for three years as it was a good starting point for us. We're now in my country, and we are considering moving again (perhaps to a third country) in another year. It doesn't have to be permanent. Have a good starting point, then re-evaluate in a few years.

[differentcountries]

I would reccomend you to get some work experience in your field before you possably decide to move to him.

[Karura]

Without knowing where exactly in the US your SO lives, it's hard to tell what it be best for you. My SO lives in Chicago and he tell me that he even worries about me visiting because there are murders almost every day. He never gets tired of voicing his worry, how he doesn't want me to move to the US and that if we had to live there, that he would pick another state like California, though he is aware of the many faults in his country besides just the gun violence. Moving to Macau wouldn't be bad, but my city is not getting better, not to mention that in a few decades it will be part of China (something I wouldn't want my kids to be subjected to) and I honestly don't think he would be happy here, despite the good pay. We have both decided to move to Canada instead since we know friends from that country and know that Canada has some benefits that we want in our lives.

[Sparkling72]

Only the two of you can make that decision. How do your families feel? And yes, look into visa issues first. Your decision is a difficult one, and we can't tell you what you should or shouldn't do...

[jarrybotter]

Thank you everyone for your advice, some really good points here I didnt think of I showed my partner this thread and its definetely given him food for thought. Maybe i will get some work experience in Australia first before I try sending CVs to America so they can take me more seriously - hopefully an extra year or two of distance dosent kill us if thats what it takes *fingers crossed!

In the meantime, looks like i need to compile quite a dossier of proof to apply for a K1 or K3 visa haha. Cheers everyone <3

[AliceMJH]

is it maybe possible for either of you to get an internship in the other person's country? that way you could check out your possibilities, like him being able to compete in the AUS job market and your work perspectives in the US. you have really valid reasons for both options, so maybe you shouldn't make the final decision so final yet. good luck either way!