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Need some Serious advice (AD/NG) Relationship

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    Need some Serious advice (AD/NG) Relationship

    A little backstory before I get into the nitty gritty details of the TOUGH situation that I find myself in.

    I met this girl in summer 2015 when we we're both Army cadets attending mandatory training before we earned our commission as military officers. I'm from Texas (she's from the Wisconsin) We we're both Army ROTC cadets on 4 years scholarships and found ourselves in the same platoon. That entire summer I looked at her as nothing but a close friend. I knew we had similar interests, but I never looked at her in a romantic light (she didn't look at me that way, either). We went our separate ways after the training ended but kept in contact once in a blue moon via facebook.

    In late March of 2016, I ran into her at a marathon we we're both running in New Mexico. We exchanged phone numbers and added each-other on snap-chat. This was a game changer.... Holy hell, was this a game changer. From about late April onward, I realized that this was the absolute girl of my dreams. All throughout college, I never had a girlfriend and never found anybody that I had a genuine connection with. I had a few flings here and there, but this was different. This girl was everything I ever wanted in a women and I could tell merely from the snapchat stories and the snap conversations we would have she was PERFECT for me. She likes to fish, but doesn't wear cammo. I like to fish and not wear cammo. I'm an enormous football fan. She's an enormous football fan. She has the same sarcastic-smart ass answer to almost everything, just like me. She comes from an incredibly supportive and good hearted family, as did I. More then anything, she has the biggest heart I've ever come across. She has a brother with special needs and is always looking after him (melts my freaking heart).

    I graduated college about a month after the marathon and had an internship lined up in Southwestern Kansas from May until August. I earned an active duty aviation commission (Helicopter Pilot) and my report date wasn't until JAN17. I don't know what it was, but we snapped everyday, some days more then others. This is where I made an incredible mistake. I was so obsessed over this girl, I couldn't function. My work was sub-par at best, I couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, and I couldn't focus on ANYTHING. It also took me FOREVER to tell this girl how I felt over fear of rejection that I've developed in the past. I told her in July that I had feelings for her and she pretty much ignored what I said so I took it as if she did not feel the same way....Another terrible mistake.

    I moved back to Texas completely heart broken over a girl I never dated.... I thought moving back home would help ease the pain, but not a single day went by where I didn't think of her. I never got closure out of the situation. I'm not an overly religious guy, but I was raised in a every Sunday, church going household. I prayed almost every night that I could find the strength to get over this girl, yet it seemed to never get better. I tried talking to other girls, getting numbers, and even downloaded that STUPID tinder app. Nothing. I also rarely conversed with her over this period.

    I went on Active Duty in JAN17 and moved from Texas to Ft. Rucker, Alabama to achieve a lifelong goal of mine to be an Army Helicopter Pilot. It was an incredibly tough branch to receive and the program itself is even more rigorous. I figured being around other single LT's and staying constantly busy would pretty much eradicate her from my mind. Boy, was I wrong. Turned out half my class is married, engaged, or in a very serious relationship....One night about a month ago, I was praying to God to help me get over this seemingly never ending mind worm of a girl that I just couldn't get out of my mind when it hit me....maybe she is the one. All those sleepless nights where I thought of her. Sitting at bars on the weekend, thinking of her. Long drives. Not getting closure. It all added up.

    I snapped her the next day and I kid you not it picked up as if it we're the summer again. A week ago, I sent her a valentines day gift that was incredibly thoughtful and completely catered to her personality. I also wrote a personal hand written letter telling her that I essentially still had feelings for her. She FINALLY admitted to me (AFTER 8 FREAKING months) that she too had feelings for me all along, but just couldn't be upfront because of the distance between us as well as the fact that she had been hurt badly in the past. WOW...I read this wrong all along. Had she told me she had feelings in the summer I would have moved to Wisconsin from Aug-my report date in Jan (FACK).....

    She lives 14 hours away and I'm about to undergo the most rigorous schooling of my life where my work days per week are essentially from 5AM-8PM (every weekend off though). My question is, is there any-way this could work? I've never wanted someone/something so bad in my life..... I feel as though I HAVE to make this work for the sake of my sanity. I literally can't picture myself with anybody else. She's afraid of the distance... that much is clear, but I should only be here about 20 months before there's a real possibility I could get stationed only a few hours away. Right now, my heart is beating out of my freaking chest for this girl and the fact that we're FINALLY on the same page has me absolutely thrilled and terrified. I'm doing my best to arrange us each drive 7 hours to meet up at a national park on the KY/IL border this weekend.


    *IMPORTANT NOTE: So I start my primary helicopter training APRIL 2 and it should last until MID SEPT. When that happens there's a high possibility that I could be put on what the Army calls "hold" for my advanced airframe (Blackhawks, Apache's, or Chinook's). If this happens, I can request a TDY to Ft. Eustis VA where I'll take over an AIT maintenance platoon. This would be awesome, because HER basic officer course is at Ft. Lee, VA. Only an hour away. The dates would have to line up and I would put that about 50/50. (She's national guard so she would move back to WI anyway).

    I'm losing my freaking mind once again over this girl, but I sure as hell glad that she feels the same way. I legitimately have not had a girl have a crush on me (for all I know) since I was 19 (now 22). I want some advice on how to make this work. I would work my absolute best to make it happen, because this is a girl I could legitimately see myself spending the rest of my life with.

    #2
    Serious advice is to slow down.... Its all great to be in love etc., but when it comes to the point that you cant function at work, and as a helicopter pilot, that's just no cool... My BIL flew Huey's, Blackhawk and Apaches as well in the Army, so I know how intensive that is.
    You will hear this a lot... You and your SO should enjoy and enhance each other's life, not be the reason you live an breath. That's just not healthy. That you are trying to plan your career etc around where she is, especially when this is so new, and you stated how you couldn't concentrate on stuff at work. You haven't dated yet either.. and while its great you both love football, loves to fish, while not wearing camo is cute, but that's not enough to know how you really are one on one. Again, you know she is the right girl for you, but seriously, how do you know that after never dating??
    Slows down, get you career as a priority right now. If you get discharged, where will you be? She is in the CG so chances you will be stationed together are not the best for now. Again I suggest you slow down and get to know each other better. Do skype dates, make plane when you both have leave, but please dont stop living your life. You can do it. Look at other here.

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      #3
      Welcome to LFAD!

      I read all of what you had to say, and I have a couple of suggestions, AboveTheRest.

      I believe your ego is huge, and it gets in the way of what you want to say. Username, AboveTheRest and statements like these:

      Originally posted by AboveTheRest View Post
      A week ago, I sent her a valentines day gift that was incredibly thoughtful and completely catered to her personality.
      This statement completely sounds like it is more about you than her. It is ego driven. Frankly, ego driven motives can be disastrous for relationships. This is about you tooting your own horn and bragging about what you did versus how she feels and the role she plays in the relationship. Relationships take 2 people, not just one person forging ahead despite what the other person wants.


      Originally posted by AboveTheRest View Post
      I want some advice on how to make this work. I would work my absolute best to make it happen, because this is a girl I could legitimately see myself spending the rest of my life with.
      I am a veteran. I served both active duty and National Guard. I'll be frank with you, as I have been so far. Usually folks who are active duty have different motives for going into the service than those who are National Guard, and vice versa. I have been where you are. When I was in Germany, I considered staying/re-upping in order to stay with someone whose service time was longer than mine in Germany. I ultimately returned home when my tour of duty was over and did no re-up.

      AD/NG relationships can be so volatile sometimes, especially when service members are young.

      Take it one day at a time and listen to her. Do NOT commandeer the relationship. Set your ego aside and work with her instead of trying to drive the bus.

      I get that your user name is a play on your MOS. Totally get that. Be careful about that ego of yours.

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