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8 weeks until move day, feeling anxious!!

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    8 weeks until move day, feeling anxious!!

    My boyfriend and I have been in our relationship for 18 months now. I live in Bristol and he lives in Cleethorpes, so not too far away really. He has young children which is why I am moving to him instead of the other way around.

    As we draw nearer to the move, I am feeling panicky and anxious about all the things I'm going to be leaving behind. I have lived in Bristol my whole life, I have a job here, friends and family. I'm close with my parents, and with my 5 year old niece. I'm worried I'll ruin my relationship with her when I move, and thinking about telling her I'm not going to see her every thursday as I do now makes me cry.

    I'm visiting in a couple of weeks to house hunt and job hunt. The closer I get to the visit and the move, the more I'm freaking out! I'm pulling back from him and don't want to talk to him at all. I feel he doesn't understand as he sees it from the point of view that he's been waiting this long for me to move and for us to be together properly, and thinks that my freak outs mean I'm not going to move. That doesn't give me much faith that it's going to go smoothly.

    Also, I've planned a few visits back to Bristol already for certain things, and he's not responded too well. I originally wasn't going to move until September because I've got things happening in Bristol that I want/need to be here for. But I've compromised and brought the move day forward, but he says I need to be focusing on living up there, not planning to come back and forth. I'm very independent, and feel like I'm going to lose a lot of that by moving up to him. I really want to make a go of things, but need to find a way of keeping some normality for me as well. I don't know how to communicate how I feel without making him feel insecure and anxious.

    #2
    I think you need to be honest with him so he knows how you're feeling about the move. Moving across the country away from what you know and who you know is a big step. I think he should appreciate that and just because you're worried it doesn't mean you aren't going to move.

    Comment


      #3
      That's not fair to you to basically tell you to cut ties with your life back home and focus on living with him. He needs to be understanding and see it from your point of view. How would he feel if he had to leave everything behind that he has known his whole life? What would he say if you told him he can't make plans to visit that place?
      No, I think it is totally reasonable that you make plans because you obviously need it.

      I second anthea, talk to him and explain your side until he understands it.

      Don't worry about ruining a relationship with the little one. I used to be close with my little niece before I moved and she still loves seeing me on Skype, you just have to make time for stuff like that in the future.

      Relationship began: 05/22/2012
      First Met: 03/21/2013 - 03/30/2013
      Second Visit: 06/06/2013 - 08/21/2013 ~ Proposal: 07/06/2013 ♥
      Third Visit: 10/09/2013 - 01/08/2013
      Closed the distance: 11/20/2014 ♥
      Married: 1/24/2015
      Became Resident: 9/14/2015

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        #4
        I agree with both the girls

        Comment


          #5
          Originally posted by snow View Post
          That's not fair to you to basically tell you to cut ties with your life back home and focus on living with him. He needs to be understanding and see it from your point of view. How would he feel if he had to leave everything behind that he has known his whole life? What would he say if you told him he can't make plans to visit that place?
          No, I think it is totally reasonable that you make plans because you obviously need it.

          I second anthea, talk to him and explain your side until he understands it.

          Don't worry about ruining a relationship with the little one. I used to be close with my little niece before I moved and she still loves seeing me on Skype, you just have to make time for stuff like that in the future.
          OMG This so much. He can't expect you to cut ties with the past and "focus on living there", it's just not fair. I don't know if he ever had to move cities/countries or leave things behind, but it's not an easy process, there will be times where you will be homesick and it's your family, of course you have to go back and visit. He needs to understand that you hold Bristol important because of the connections you have there. I would be devastated if I was told that I couldn't visit my home after moving.

          Looking for the future...


          First Meeting: March 20 2016
          Got separated: August 2016
          Reunion: July 2017
          Officially together: January 2018
          ... And many meetings later ...

          Comment


            #6
            Originally posted by 80anthea View Post
            I think you need to be honest with him so he knows how you're feeling about the move. Moving across the country away from what you know and who you know is a big step. I think he should appreciate that and just because you're worried it doesn't mean you aren't going to move.
            Thanks for replying. I have told him that I'm freaking out and he's being reassuring but because he's done it and survived, he thinks it's going to be that easy for me whereas I'm more apprehensive. I think I just need to give it some time, and I've told him I'm probably gonna need a readjustment period so he's just gonna have to bear with me lol

            Comment


              #7
              Thank you for the reassurance, especially in regards to my niece, I needed to hear of someone else's experience. I had a good talk with her the other night and she got excited about seeing me on Skype, and she understands about my partners situation with his children now I've explained to her why I'm moving away to him. So I think everything will be ok, it's just learning to leave things behind and focus on my future with him. Bristol will always be my "home" and where my roots will always be, no matter where in the world I end up. And I am really looking forward to having a "proper" relationship with him, it's been almost 2 years of long distance so we deserve this now! Thanks again, and I'm glad all worked out for you and your husband x

              Comment


                #8
                Originally posted by snow View Post
                That's not fair to you to basically tell you to cut ties with your life back home and focus on living with him. He needs to be understanding and see it from your point of view. How would he feel if he had to leave everything behind that he has known his whole life? What would he say if you told him he can't make plans to visit that place?
                No, I think it is totally reasonable that you make plans because you obviously need it.

                I second anthea, talk to him and explain your side until he understands it.

                Don't worry about ruining a relationship with the little one. I used to be close with my little niece before I moved and she still loves seeing me on Skype, you just have to make time for stuff like that in the future.
                Thank you for the reassurance, especially in regards to my niece, I needed to hear of someone else's experience. I had a good talk with her the other night and she got excited about seeing me on Skype, and she understands about my partners situation with his children now I've explained to her why I'm moving away to him. So I think everything will be ok, it's just learning to leave things behind and focus on my future with him. Bristol will always be my "home" and where my roots will always be, no matter where in the world I end up. And I am really looking forward to having a "proper" relationship with him, it's been almost 2 years of long distance so we deserve this now! Thanks again, and I'm glad all worked out for you and your husband x

                Comment


                  #9
                  Thank you to everyone for replying, and sorry it's taken a few days for me to read and reply myself.

                  Can I also ask how often you speak/use to speak to your partners when you are/were long distance, and how long you spend/spent on skype etc?

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