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scared for the future!!

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    scared for the future!!

    Hello!

    I'm new to this website and this is my first post. Currently, I'm in a relationship with someone who was initially a friend. We met at the very beginning of the past fall semester (Sept. 2016), and from the start I was aware he was an international student, Korean citizen, and that he had to leave at the end of the school year to serve two years of mandatory military service. However, around January we became extremely close and began to date in February. Our relationship is fairly new, but we spent nearly every day together up until he had to leave in early May. He left for home (Seoul) one day before my birthday, and although we both saw it coming, it was so devastating for me to say goodbye.

    We grew so close over the year, and I was so used to the luxury of speaking to him whenever I wanted that it was difficult for me to adjust to the change. Korea is a 13 hour time difference from where I'm from in the States, meaning we can only speak when the time is around midnight or noon unless one of us is up late or wakes up early. On top of that, he's leaving for a two month training camp in a few weeks where we won't be able to speak at all. We decided to take a break when he leaves for training and to reevaluate where we want our relationship to go around September when he's finished. From then on, we'll be able to speak on weekends when he goes home, but he's unable to use his phone at all during the week.

    I really feel strongly for this guy despite the bad timing and circumstances. We're both young (19), and I should feel like my whole life is ahead of me concerning relationships, but I honestly don't see myself with anyone else but him. He's worth waiting for, but it scares me that we'll grow apart. It's only natural that without talking often, two people tend to lose feelings for one another, especially if they've only been together for a few months like we have. I just wish that wasn't the case. I feel like I'm losing someone I care so deeply about, who I respect so much and am so proud of, due to external situations like his mandatory service that we both can't control.

    Many of my friends expect me to move on from him, and they encourage me to find someone else. He himself even told me at one point that he'd rather see me happy with someone better than sad and lonely without him, if it ever came to the point where the distance was hurting me too much. At this point, it just hurts me to even think about not being with him at all.

    We had originally decided to get together to make happy memories while we could and break up when he left in May, but both of us agreed we're in too deep to break it off. Logically, our age, the inability to talk, and the length of his service should put me off. But I'm such a wildly loyal person that I would chase someone like him, who truly is a good person and makes me happy, for years until he comes back.

    I think time will let things unfold the way they're meant to be, but does anyone have advice on how to cope with this situation? Should I expect to lose feelings for him, or him to lose them for me? Is it likely that even if we break up on good terms and remain friends, we'll get back together in the end, or would it be best to remain focused on moving on?

    Thanks so much for listening!

    #2
    Have you looked into the options for count down calenders?
    I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
    - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



    "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

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      #3
      My boyfriend and I met in a very similar situation to yours. I was 21 and we were both exchange students in the US. We met at the beginning of the academic year, but only started dating in late December. We always spent any possible moment together and when I had to leave in mid June it was just horrible. We had 9 hours time difference at the time and talking was difficult. We only met again almost six months later and that period was definitely the hardest that we had to deal with as a couple.
      But we tried a LDR anyway because we really couldn't see distance as a good reason to break up. Things were going great and when facing the decision of either breaking up or stay together we decided to keep going and see if we could make it work anyway.

      I would say, try to not overthink it. As you wrote, let things unfold and go with the flow. Not everyone manages to cope well with distance and you may (or may not!) realize that this is a dealbreaker for you. But worrying before there is anything to worry about does not sound like it's going to help you in any way

      Originally posted by xoxo View Post
      Many of my friends expect me to move on from him, and they encourage me to find someone else. He himself even told me at one point that he'd rather see me happy with someone better than sad and lonely without him, if it ever came to the point where the distance was hurting me too much.
      If it does come to the point that distance hurts too much and you really can't function that way, I agree with him and your friends. But give it a try first, see whether you can be happy WITH him being far away. Good things come from LDRs too, although they require lots of patience

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        #4
        Best luck to you guys. At the beginning it is both the hardest but also the easiest, when your feelings are still fresh, but the more you are into it.. the less it becomes of what you actually want. Have you talked about how you could be together in the future? Who will move and when? I think those things are extremely important, to have something to look forward to.

        Best of luck, but when you'll feel like you're missing out on life, or that having an online bf is not enough- don't feel bad.

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