Struggling to Stay Strong

[MichiganMaiden]

Hi Everyone,

I am deeply in love with my boyfriend and everything is great, except for one thing: the distance. When we are together and even on our phone calls, chats, and weekly Skype dates everything is so good. Like any couple, we have small disagreements but we always find a way to work through them. I am in Germany and he is in the USA. I have a little over 8 months left here but I'm struggling to stay strong. I want to give up and go home to be with him but I'm worried that I'll regret it later. He will be coming out to visit in two months and I will be visiting him around Christmas, but it's SO hard. I am an Au Pair and I love my job but I am really struggling with sticking it out knowing that I could end the distance with just two weeks notice. Please give me advice on how to make it through!!

[TaraMarie]

Eight months is NOTHING. You can do this. Stay strong. Finish what you started. It's almost over!

[R&R]

You've made a commitment to your job for another 8 months. Part of being an adult is living up to your commitments, even if there is something you would rather be doing or be with. You have an end date, so you know this distance isn't going to be forever. Take the time to enjoy those final 8 months and soak in every experience that you can while you are over there.

My daughter just went to see her SO for the first time a couple of weeks ago. Now, she's ready to just up and move. The earliest we are going to be able to move is November but it's more likely that it's going to be spring. (Her SO lives 4 hours away from where we will be moving, which is much closer than the 32 hours it is now.) Last night she was struggling with a bit and I told her that I've been doing this for 3 1/2 years, so she will be just fine. I can empathize but as an adult, you need to remember your responsibilites and not let your feelings overrule what is the right thing to do. You have to look at the big picture, not just the right now.

[differentcountries]

Hi,

how about if you can find a way to count down to the next visit? Maybe plan the visit together, what you want to do and all? I guess you will be working, but at least some local outings may be on the table. Maybe show him what you have learned about German language and culture. Maybe just something romantic.

Last visit to SO I had waited almost 6 months to see him. Honestly it was very hard (we live closer and are used to more frequent visits). And going back to ordinary life was hard as well, as we dont even have a next visit planned. But on days where the distance feels tough, I remind myself how long we have lasted so far, and what we have been able to do. The way we are able to work through things, be frugal/save up money and practice patience, gives me hope for our future. And sometimes I "forget" that we are dating, and I just focus on whatever happens to me and close to me, like the sun finally coming on or applying for jobs or seeing friends. Or I am focused on what he is doing/or connection over the distance. Like, now I know he is pretty drained, because of the heat and more people are coming and he gets very busy. So, I soothe myself by doing kind things for myself and having brief but sweet exchanges with him (I know that June-August he can't concentrate on anything but work).

Like others have said, dont jump to close the distance by ending your job. When you love it there, and have obligations, you stick them out. You will be happy for it later, it will be a special experience to put on your resume.

Remember that the distance always feels longer just before and just after a visit. In reality he will be with you very soon And you already have the next visit planned.

When you are together, there will also be challenges. This is the time for you to face some of yours alone. For sure you will grow from this independence. Study German. Enjoy the time with the kids. Get friends. Visits parks and museums. One day you will not have the option to do what you do, so enjoy it while it lasts. The other things will come later.

Just hang in there.