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Thread: Friend tagging along

  1. #11
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    Just want to weigh in here with an experience I had. When I met my ex for the first time she had a fried who desperately wanted to be there when we met. When my ex first told me that this friend wanted to be there i was a bit confused on why and with some further probing it was revealed that this friend just really wanted to be there to not only keep my ex safe but also because i was someone very very important to my ex and obviously as her friend the friend wanted to be there to witness such a happy moment of us meeting for the first time. For the actual meeting it didn't even matter the the friend was there. All she did was record the moment my Ex and I hugged and then afterwards i just said a quick hi to her. she was very very excited to see us happy and it meant a big deal for her to be able to see my ex happy. as soon as we met at the airport we dropped the friend home and went about our day so it wasn't a really big deal at all.

    Basically, your SO's friend might be feeling something similar and is just really excited for you both. It's not like you'll be stuck with the friend for the whole day right? even if you go for a meal together you'll till have the rest of the day/evening together. Try not worry about it too much, it's a much bigger issue in your head than it will be in real life believe me. Good luck! :3
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  2. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by kittyxuchiha11 View Post
    Just want to weigh in here with an experience I had. When I met my ex for the first time she had a fried who desperately wanted to be there when we met. When my ex first told me that this friend wanted to be there i was a bit confused on why and with some further probing it was revealed that this friend just really wanted to be there to not only keep my ex safe but also because i was someone very very important to my ex and obviously as her friend the friend wanted to be there to witness such a happy moment of us meeting for the first time. For the actual meeting it didn't even matter the the friend was there. All she did was record the moment my Ex and I hugged and then afterwards i just said a quick hi to her. she was very very excited to see us happy and it meant a big deal for her to be able to see my ex happy. as soon as we met at the airport we dropped the friend home and went about our day so it wasn't a really big deal at all.

    Basically, your SO's friend might be feeling something similar and is just really excited for you both. It's not like you'll be stuck with the friend for the whole day right? even if you go for a meal together you'll till have the rest of the day/evening together. Try not worry about it too much, it's a much bigger issue in your head than it will be in real life believe me. Good luck! :3
    I'm not sure if you saw my previous post, but to make a long story short, his friends have become a part of nearly every day/plan we have together. So, no, I don't think it will be a quick, "Hi, nice to meet you too, okay bye" type of thing. Based on the way things have gone so far, I have every reason to believe that, whether intended or not, it will turn into a, "Hey let's all hang out together" kind of thing.

    Now, don't get me wrong...as you said, I am sure that his friends have only the best intentions in mind. Whether it is because he is very introverted (he is) and they want to help him along, or whether they just want to be a part of the moment, or whether they will be capturing everything on video/camera, I am certain they have only his interests at heart. And, I appreciate that. I do.

    But, with all of the changes or additions to my visit, I feel I have been pretty reasonable. I want his friends to like me, obviously. That's very important. But, I don't want to be hanging out with all the king's horses and all the king's men each and every day. I feel I need to draw a line somewhere, and I don't think it's inappropriate to do so.

  3. #13
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    What I find disturbing is that your bf doesn't seem to matter that you have (almost) no time together and that his friends are overruling him. If I were you, I'd have a serious talk about that...
    Distance means nothing when someone means everything.


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    Quote Originally Posted by erwin1973 View Post
    What I find disturbing is that your bf doesn't seem to matter that you have (almost) no time together and that his friends are overruling him. If I were you, I'd have a serious talk about that...
    Welp, we did talk about it last night, my friends. And by last night, I mean till 4 o clock in the morning. Not the whole time of course, but that's what started the conversation out. It was a good and necessary conversation to have, and despite feeling exhausted by the end of the night/morning, I did feel relief as well.

    He told me he is worried about us meeting...that we will argue in person and things will be awkward. Personally, I am not worried about that at all. Not even a little bit. I think a lot of our issues, this tiff for example, stems from a language barrier a bit, not being able to convey tone via chat, the stress of the distance, etc. I am much less confrontational/argumentative in person, much more even keel and happy go lucky. So, I have no doubt we'll be fine.

    He brought up the meeting thing, so since he opened the door, I went with it. I had said something to him about it before, but I maybe softened it a little bit too much and it didn't quite stick. This time, I explained it to him EXACTLY the way I did to you guys, and he got it. He got it, he understood. At this point, I didn't really offer anything or suggest anything. I was just happy that we were making some progress. Well imagine my pleasant surprise when he, on his own, suggested maybe we spend time with his friend in the beginning and then he will stay with me. To me, this is easier said than done. Unless he is planning on having that conversation with his friend ahead of time, it will be kind of awkward to be like, "Uh, you gotta go now, BYE" But... at least he gets it and made a reasonable compromise. He also later in the conversation was talking about going to the bar(s)/clubs that maybe we could just stay for a little bit with his friends, and then go somewhere else after. Music to my ears folks.

    In the end, he felt much better about meeting, and told me he was glad we were able to talk about it. I was too and told him so. At least we are both on the same page about his friends and everything.

  5. #15
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    Sounds all very positive! Well done.
    Distance means nothing when someone means everything.


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    Quote Originally Posted by erwin1973 View Post
    Sounds all very positive! Well done.
    Awww. Thanks. I did say incorrectly earlier though. It was 5 am, not 4 am eek. I was officially the walking dead today.

    Yes, it was pretty positive, with the exception of my heart nearly broke when he shared with me his reservations about meeting me. He's always talked about it with such enthusiasm, it never even occurred to me. His friend even told me that he (the guy, not the friend) is pretty excited and mentions it frequently. So, yeah...that was a pretty sad and scary moment. But, for him to say he thought we'd be fine was...an exhale of a breath I didn't even realize I was holding type of deal.

    I am now in that weird limbo period where it feels like.....there is SOOOOO much time before we meet and simultaneously not enough time before we meet.

  7. #17
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    It is normal to be nervous for the first visit. I remember I was in my first visit on my previous LDR, and so was she.
    Enjoy it.
    Distance means nothing when someone means everything.


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    Quote Originally Posted by erwin1973 View Post
    It is normal to be nervous for the first visit. I remember I was in my first visit on my previous LDR, and so was she.
    Enjoy it.
    Oh yes, of course some nervousness is entirely normal. I would be shocked if either or both of us weren't nervous. I know first hand meeting guys, even the local ones who I'm not all THAT interested in, nervousness is an issue.

    But, serious, deep second thoughts...about whether we will fight too much or things will be awkward...that was a much tougher thing to face head on. Luckily, we worked through it.

  9. #19
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    That's good to hear.
    Distance means nothing when someone means everything.


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