Hi,
I haven't posted for a while, mainly because I have closed the distance in March, but right now I really need to get some things out, as things aren't going great. I'd appreciate any advice or comments.
My girlfriend is Romanian. I am French. Until last year, she was in Romania and I was in the US. We had decided to find a way to close the distance or at least get closer. As I found a potential position in a company in Paris, she applied for jobs in France and got offers in the South. We thought it would be a first step, at least we would be in the same country, with no time difference.
When my US boss learned I wanted to leave, he offered me to do everything possible to make me work remotely from France. I accepted, as I really like my US job (and my boss). This was also allowing me to move in directly with SO, instead of Paris. She moved to the South of France in January, and after 3 months of what was an administrative nightmare for my boss (understanding French labor laws and stuff), he managed to send me to work remotely from France, with even a promotion and a pay rise.
Since then, I have been working from home and I am living with my SO. This is where it got complicated: we started very early to fight a lot, and even getting close to breaking up at one point. We eventually got better and realized what was triggering the fights: she absolutely hates her job here. She was advertised an amazing project by the interviewers, but when she started, she was put instead on a crappy project, doing maintenance of a very outdated application, under a lot of pressure from her manager. She comes back every day complaining about that, and sometimes gets so depressed she starts crying. I'm doing everything I can to make her feel better, by filling our weekends with trips to nice places around or by encouraging her to go out with friends (also because if we weren't doing that, I'd go crazy as I work from home with no contact whatsoever with anyone). She started looking for another job, to solve the issue.
At first she was looking for another job in France. Then as she couldn't find one, she extended her search to other countries like Ireland, UK, or the Netherlands. Her moving to such a country would mean for me to ask my boss to make me a new contract (meaning more administrative nightmare for him), which I was reluctant to do at first but that I would do now, given how depressed she is. I could always justify to my boss that this is a way for me to get closer to the US (Ireland and UK are one time zone closer), or for her to gain more international experience to eventually be able to find a job in the US, so I could move back to "normal" working conditions.
But now she has started applying for jobs in Romania. Her moving there would be a huge step back for us: I wouldn't be able to work from Romania, as it is farther away from the US (longer time difference) and I don't know the language so I'd be completely isolated. We would go back to long distance, except that I'd be in France, working remotely for the US, with no friend, no coworker, and my family is 7h away. Part of me thinks I would be fine, another part thinks I'd go crazy; I don't how my boss would take it if I told him "thanks for making me work from France, but my girlfriend left". I don't know if I'd have the courage to wait for her to come back, and I wouldn't even know if she would ever come back or if it would be just delaying an inevitable break up.
Right now I'm alternating between moments where she tells me "you're the most amazing person in the world", and I think everything is fine, and moments where she tells me "I've been called by this Romania company, I have an interview on Thursday", and I feel like my whole life is about to fall apart.
Thanks for reading if you made it this far, any comment is appreciated!
I haven't posted for a while, mainly because I have closed the distance in March, but right now I really need to get some things out, as things aren't going great. I'd appreciate any advice or comments.
My girlfriend is Romanian. I am French. Until last year, she was in Romania and I was in the US. We had decided to find a way to close the distance or at least get closer. As I found a potential position in a company in Paris, she applied for jobs in France and got offers in the South. We thought it would be a first step, at least we would be in the same country, with no time difference.
When my US boss learned I wanted to leave, he offered me to do everything possible to make me work remotely from France. I accepted, as I really like my US job (and my boss). This was also allowing me to move in directly with SO, instead of Paris. She moved to the South of France in January, and after 3 months of what was an administrative nightmare for my boss (understanding French labor laws and stuff), he managed to send me to work remotely from France, with even a promotion and a pay rise.
Since then, I have been working from home and I am living with my SO. This is where it got complicated: we started very early to fight a lot, and even getting close to breaking up at one point. We eventually got better and realized what was triggering the fights: she absolutely hates her job here. She was advertised an amazing project by the interviewers, but when she started, she was put instead on a crappy project, doing maintenance of a very outdated application, under a lot of pressure from her manager. She comes back every day complaining about that, and sometimes gets so depressed she starts crying. I'm doing everything I can to make her feel better, by filling our weekends with trips to nice places around or by encouraging her to go out with friends (also because if we weren't doing that, I'd go crazy as I work from home with no contact whatsoever with anyone). She started looking for another job, to solve the issue.
At first she was looking for another job in France. Then as she couldn't find one, she extended her search to other countries like Ireland, UK, or the Netherlands. Her moving to such a country would mean for me to ask my boss to make me a new contract (meaning more administrative nightmare for him), which I was reluctant to do at first but that I would do now, given how depressed she is. I could always justify to my boss that this is a way for me to get closer to the US (Ireland and UK are one time zone closer), or for her to gain more international experience to eventually be able to find a job in the US, so I could move back to "normal" working conditions.
But now she has started applying for jobs in Romania. Her moving there would be a huge step back for us: I wouldn't be able to work from Romania, as it is farther away from the US (longer time difference) and I don't know the language so I'd be completely isolated. We would go back to long distance, except that I'd be in France, working remotely for the US, with no friend, no coworker, and my family is 7h away. Part of me thinks I would be fine, another part thinks I'd go crazy; I don't how my boss would take it if I told him "thanks for making me work from France, but my girlfriend left". I don't know if I'd have the courage to wait for her to come back, and I wouldn't even know if she would ever come back or if it would be just delaying an inevitable break up.
Right now I'm alternating between moments where she tells me "you're the most amazing person in the world", and I think everything is fine, and moments where she tells me "I've been called by this Romania company, I have an interview on Thursday", and I feel like my whole life is about to fall apart.
Thanks for reading if you made it this far, any comment is appreciated!
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