Need Advice

[SimplyComplicated]

Hi,
So this is my first ever relationship and also a long distance one.
I am very anti social person and always so busy with my work before.
I met this guy in dating site 3 months back we've been talking chatting and video calling every day (chatting everydag for sure).
But these passed few days he is been super busy, eventho he still text me.
But he always said can we talk later im busy or can we chat later. And we got into arguement.
Finally I confronted him and he said he feel like he spent so much time with me and he cant do his other work thats why he was busy these past few days. I even confronted him if he is avoiding me, and he said no, thats his only reason doing it so. And later that day he also said he missed me when im not there.
So can I trust him or?
Im very confused

[Theurgist]

My guess is that your SO is getting overwhelmed by your personal needs and you are forcing yourself through his healthy boundaries into areas where you should not go. Every new relationship takes a lot of time and effort, but I have a feeling that long distance relationships take even more. I suspect that you have been asking more from him than he can give, but since he doesn't know his own healthy boundaries he has been giving, and giving, and giving some more. Now he is exhausted, because neither of you established healthy boundaries at the beginning of your relationship.

To me it sounds like he is asking for space, so he can concentrate on doing his work and taking care of himself, but since he hasn't established healthy boundaries he keeps on contacting you regardless. Sending you mixed messages, which I'm sure feels confusing, since this is your first relationship. For example, my SO is sick right now and she keeps sending me messages about how she misses me. In return I send her a couple of short messages a day to reassure her that I'm here, but at the same time I leave her to rest and get better, so that I don't prolong her illness by monopolizing her time when she should be resting. Keeping her up with long emails, video chats or such when she should be recovering.

I would suggest that you google "healthy boundaries in relationships"

Psychcentral has a good primer titled "Why Healthy Relationships Always Have Boundaries & How to Set Boundaries in Yours"
LoveIsRespect approaches the topic of emotional, physical and digital boundaries in their article titled "Setting Boundaries". For long distance relationships I thought this was a particularly good article.
Finally, BreakTheCycle, in their article titled "Setting Boundaries in a Relationship" - has a straightforward table of what is healthy and unhealthy inside a relationship.

[C.C.]

Imagine, you have an exam to write in a week or some work assignment.
However, at the same time there's this guy you enjoy talking to a lot and you want to spend all your time with him. So you do that instead and neglect your duties cause you think this is more important or that you can handle them later. And most likely you can. You start working a couple of days earlier than the exam/deadline. But you are super stressed and curse yourself for not starting it earlier.
Another example is that you skip some home errands because you'd rather be talking to your SO or you don't give as much time to your hobbies as you used to.

Obviously it's normal to accommodate things to your relationship but lack of time for the things I listed is stressful and causes you to try and establish boundaries with your SO. It's normal, it's common and there's nothing weird about it most of the time. People just need space to live their individual lives as well. Maybe you could try some hobby you have been neglecting or take up a new one or go out more. That way you'd worry less about this situation. It starts sucking more when one party has a lot to do and the other is relatively free and is in a 'waiting for response' mode.

[SimplyComplicated]

Thanks guys for the replied. Its very helpful since my other friends are not in LDR so their advice kinda negative. And its my first experience ever with 5 hours difference