What should I do?
Hey everyone!
I've decided to register with this forum site to gain more of an outside perspective on my situation. I live in England and my partner lives in Chicago, which equates to approximately 3,820 miles and a lot of heartache, as I'm sure many of you will understand. We met last summer (June 2016) and really hit it off as friends, and in May this year we began talking more and more. This is where my situation begins to get trickier: on April 6 this year, my partner lost his father to cancer and I know that they were a very close family.
In the first few weeks, my partner was very good at communicating with me and would call on a whim, send lots of texts; he'd basically take the reigns and it was great. At the beginning of last month he decided that he wanted to see me sooner than January and so he bought my flights to Chicago and I stayed with him and his family for the duration of my stay. Despite not seeing each other physically for over a year, the chemistry was definitely there. When we're together in person, we're very relaxed. We can sit in silence and it's a comfortable silence. We can mess with each other without the other getting offended, there's a lot of banter. We can be best friends and a couple at the same time.
I flew back to England last week and since then I've noticed that I've been having to really reach out to him. He doesn't communicate as much, or call on his own accord, I have been having to ask and in the seven days I've been back, I think we've had maybe three phone calls - only one of which was over an hour; but all of which were instigated by me. It's really starting to bother me, but I know that he has a lot of emotional baggage and I'm sure there is a lot of psychological trauma that I am not aware of because he's not very good at opening up to me. He wants to be strong because that's what his dad told him just before he died, but I know he's broken. I don't want to put pressure on him by whining about the lack of communication and the fact that it's making me feel lonely, but at the same time I don't want to be stuck in a long distance relationship where it's very one sided and I'm having to do everything. I almost feel like I'm sitting through a 24/7 game of poker.. I'm always trying to think how to play my cards, and he's always got his poker face.
I just don't know what to do. He's said that we can FaceTime this weekend, which I'm hoping does happen. I should also mention that when we have been able to talk on the phone, we discussed a time frame for this relationship and he said 'Now that you've been here and I know for sure that we do have the connection, the timing doesn't bother me. You're dating the most patient guy in the world', so his words are sweet and wanting towards me... just not so much the actions.
I'm just a little stuck on what to do and need some advice because this is driving me insane.
Thanks!
I've decided to register with this forum site to gain more of an outside perspective on my situation. I live in England and my partner lives in Chicago, which equates to approximately 3,820 miles and a lot of heartache, as I'm sure many of you will understand. We met last summer (June 2016) and really hit it off as friends, and in May this year we began talking more and more. This is where my situation begins to get trickier: on April 6 this year, my partner lost his father to cancer and I know that they were a very close family.
In the first few weeks, my partner was very good at communicating with me and would call on a whim, send lots of texts; he'd basically take the reigns and it was great. At the beginning of last month he decided that he wanted to see me sooner than January and so he bought my flights to Chicago and I stayed with him and his family for the duration of my stay. Despite not seeing each other physically for over a year, the chemistry was definitely there. When we're together in person, we're very relaxed. We can sit in silence and it's a comfortable silence. We can mess with each other without the other getting offended, there's a lot of banter. We can be best friends and a couple at the same time.
I flew back to England last week and since then I've noticed that I've been having to really reach out to him. He doesn't communicate as much, or call on his own accord, I have been having to ask and in the seven days I've been back, I think we've had maybe three phone calls - only one of which was over an hour; but all of which were instigated by me. It's really starting to bother me, but I know that he has a lot of emotional baggage and I'm sure there is a lot of psychological trauma that I am not aware of because he's not very good at opening up to me. He wants to be strong because that's what his dad told him just before he died, but I know he's broken. I don't want to put pressure on him by whining about the lack of communication and the fact that it's making me feel lonely, but at the same time I don't want to be stuck in a long distance relationship where it's very one sided and I'm having to do everything. I almost feel like I'm sitting through a 24/7 game of poker.. I'm always trying to think how to play my cards, and he's always got his poker face.
I just don't know what to do. He's said that we can FaceTime this weekend, which I'm hoping does happen. I should also mention that when we have been able to talk on the phone, we discussed a time frame for this relationship and he said 'Now that you've been here and I know for sure that we do have the connection, the timing doesn't bother me. You're dating the most patient guy in the world', so his words are sweet and wanting towards me... just not so much the actions.
I'm just a little stuck on what to do and need some advice because this is driving me insane.
Thanks!
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