Fantasy or real?

[Reyhoney]

Last March I matched with a guy on a dating app, he's from Europe and came to my city for a visit. We chatted and hit it off right away which never happens with me. He asked me to meet but I said no, I didn't see the point cause he was flying back home in a few days and I thought oh this boy just wants a hookup and will forget me as soon as he's home.

He said he respects and understand and said that he has work in my city and will be back again sometime, and we should just keep chatting and see what happens and exchanged numbers. I thought yea whatever dude, I know you're just BSing me but I enjoyed talking to him anyway. He called me from the airport as soon as his plane landed and it shocked me. He kept texting and calling me on daily basis. I started to like him so sorry to say, I started to google him and everything he's said checked out. He was exactly who he said he was. I asked him to video chat and he agreed and it felt so good to actually SEE him live.

2 months passed and we still talk everyday, he seemed really genuine and sweet and I even added him on Facebook to "test" how he'll react and he was all for it.
I brought up meeting, told him hey, so you want to come back? He said well then let's make it happen. He looked at flights and hotels (while talking on the phone) and he said he could come a week from now. I started to feel really nervous, how could I not? It kinda showed and he heard it and asked if I was serious about meeting or not? I said I was. He kept asking if I'll actually show up since he'll fly and everything. I think my anxiety rubbed off on him and he got nervous too and I asked him and he said that he's not good with making fast decisions but he will do it. I then told him okay let's just wait then, maybe we should stay friends only.

He said feels like I failed a test? I feel like I'm losing the chance of a lifetime and that he wishes he could have just booked his flight without thinking. He said I don't want to rush but then I'd get to hold you. I know we've never met but somehow I miss you.

Anyway, we decided to wait more. He had to have mouth surgery and couldn't fly for 2 months since the air pressure would make his wound bleed. He offered to pay for my flight so I'd visit him, but I refused.

Around that time he also started a new job and couldn't take vacation time yet. So we've yet to meet. We talk almost daily, it feels real to both of us, I feel like I'm falling for him (I've never mentioned that) but I keep freaking out thinking it's not real and it's just in my head.

What do I do? End it until we do meet, then resume things? Just end it completely? Keep going? I'm getting attached more and more everyday. I tried to date meanwhile but I couldn't get him out of my head and I couldn't feel that connection with anyone else. Does he seem serious, or just having fun!?

I know many will say it's not real you don't know him, but don't I!? Talking for over 6 months everyday... I sure feel like it.

[erwin1973]

Hi and welcome.

It looks to me this is your first long distance relationship. It also seems that you are way overthinking. You said you checked on him, on Google, and everything he said was correct. Yet, you doubt if he is real... That sounds contradicting. Either one is true, but not both, in my opinion.

I feel a bit sad for him. To tell a man who loves you (it looks like he does) to stay in de friendzone, is almost unbearable. In that case, he must love you very much, to not have been running away. After all, you turned him down twice.

You want to meet him, but you don't. You know he's real, but you doubt if he is. Excuse me, but I don't really understand the way you think. It can be because it is all new and confusing. I don't argue it is confusing. Because it is.

Don't think it's not real. When you try to date someone else and you only think of him, trust me, you're in love. So, I would advice you to consider taking a step closer to him, mentally that is. Cast away the doubts, they hinder you. And nobody is going to wait forever.

You'll find no-one here who says it's not real. We all are or have been in a long distance relationship. If he offers to buy you a ticket to visit you, there is no doubt in my mind he is serious. If you want to brake up, that is your choice, but why throw away something that can be so beautiful? Any realtionship asks for a lot of work, being honest with yourself and your partner. A long distance realtionship is no different.

Please, for your own sake, give it a real and honest chance. You'll probably regret it if you don't. And feel free to ask anything you like to ask if you need help. And we like to hear the good stories, too.

[Reyhoney]

Oh I know he is real, but I'm wondering if what we are feeling is real or not. This is why I signed up on this forum, I've tried other forums and only got really negative comments that it's not real feelings unless we meet.

I've had a long distance relationship 15 years ago! We met 9 months after meeting online and I've felt like it was real from start to finish, but now I'm older and not necessarily as fearless as I used to be.

I've told some friends and they mostly said it's not love and it's all in my head. I feel like it's love, at least for me, he's never said he loves me and I don't blame him.

[autumn1790]

This is the last place people will say you don't know him. You do know him--just online. Obviously, you don't know him completely, because no one can ever know anyone completely in my opinion, anyway. You have video chatted and researched him, you know he is who he is. You do know him. If you're falling for him and there's no serious red flags that he's a douche, go ahead and fall if you want to! You'll never know what could've been until you give it a shot. Every couple on here is a testament that online relationships can exist and flourish. Meet the dude as soon as possible, and see if your online chemistry carries over to in person. If you guys mesh, go for it! This is the 21st century--online relationships are a real thing. Distance relationships have existed throughout history as well through snail mail, so it's not like it's a brand new thing, either. Just use your common sense, have reasonable safeguards in place, and see where life goes.

[erwin1973]

Oh I know he is real, but I'm wondering if what we are feeling is real or not. This is why I signed up on this forum, I've tried other forums and only got really negative comments that it's not real feelings unless we meet.

I've had a long distance relationship 15 years ago! We met 9 months after meeting online and I've felt like it was real from start to finish, but now I'm older and not necessarily as fearless as I used to be.

I've told some friends and they mostly said it's not love and it's all in my head. I feel like it's love, at least for me, he's never said he loves me and I don't blame him.

Ok, that clarifies a lot. Thank you.

Well, love knows no borders. The problem, or better: 'problem' with a long distance relationship, is dat many people don't believe it can happen. But it can. As you found out 15 years ago. And as you are finding out now. Sadly, many people think you can only fall in love when you physically meet. But most here disagree. Isn't it beautiful that you can fall in love with the mind of that person, without knowing how it feels to walk with that person, hold hands, cuddle, and everything?

Sad that you have had such negative responses at first. We all have that. I can tell you that both my sister, my brother-in-law (who happens to be my best friend) and my parents oppose to my relationship with my lady. Still, I do what I think is right, that is dating her. Don't let the negative comments distract your head from what you feel in your heart.

I think you can do it. You can be happy with a man that waits for you.

[Reyhoney]

Should I tell him that I'm falling for him? I'm scared that he isn't there or think it's crazy that I feel this way before we've even met. I know that to me it IS possible, but maybe he's thinking otherwise?

[erwin1973]

I think you should. Or at least, you could ask him how he really feels for you. Or just say that you feel more for him than friendship. If you're afraid for his reaction, build it up slowly. But yes, I advice you to tell him.

[Reyhoney]

Here's what happened like 2 weeks ago:

We were video chatting like we usually do after his work. He lays on the bed and talks to me and sometimes he'll just close his eyes a little (or completely fall asleep) and I would whisper random cute things and he'd hear them and smile..

While we were doing that he had his eyes closed and I whispered "I love you."

He didn't open his eyes back, didn't say anything. Seconds later he didn't and said NOTHING, no reaction. I thought he heard me and ignored me cause he has headphones on and usually hears whatever I whisper.

He then said oh I gotta go call my friend cause we'll go workout. Talk to you later.

I kinda felt upset but tried not to show it, and few days later he called and I asked if he heard what I whispered the other day and he said no? What did you say!? Tell me.

I didn't. Could he have heard it but ignored it cause he got scared or just didn't know how to deal with it?

Maybe he thinks it's crazy that I fell in love with him before meeting? Should I try to say it again, louder this time?

[iHippie]

Here's what happened like 2 weeks ago:

We were video chatting like we usually do after his work. He lays on the bed and talks to me and sometimes he'll just close his eyes a little (or completely fall asleep) and I would whisper random cute things and he'd hear them and smile..

While we were doing that he had his eyes closed and I whispered "I love you."

He didn't open his eyes back, didn't say anything. Seconds later he didn't and said NOTHING, no reaction. I thought he heard me and ignored me cause he has headphones on and usually hears whatever I whisper.

He then said oh I gotta go call my friend cause we'll go workout. Talk to you later.

I kinda felt upset but tried not to show it, and few days later he called and I asked if he heard what I whispered the other day and he said no? What did you say!? Tell me.

I didn't. Could he have heard it but ignored it cause he got scared or just didn't know how to deal with it?

Maybe he thinks it's crazy that I fell in love with him before meeting? Should I try to say it again, louder this time?

Hi! It makes me wonder if maybe he isn't sure he heard you correctly & is seeking confirmation. Which is cute. I find your entire story cute. Alot of LDRs start this way, my boyfriend & I haven't met yet, and we are completely in love. In my own experience, long distance relationships are great for getting to know someone's heart & soul without being blinded by physical aspects. I reckon you've got the beginnings of a good thing happening there. Best of luck!