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Bit of an update - previous thread about the ultimatums

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    Bit of an update - previous thread about the ultimatums

    Here is bit of an update. I previously had a thread about the troubles in my relationship since none of our closing the distace plans ever came through. There was always a reason why he thought the timing wasn't right and the* he finally admitted that he didn't want to relocate like we had agreed. Well this caused me to have a lot of anxiety and I wanted to give him an ultimatum.* I was so miserable that I didn't enjoy anything but I couldn't bring myself to break up with him either. It has now been about a year since this anxiety started. It has been horrible but educational. I don't really enjoy my job and I'm growing apart with my old friends. Nothing dramatic but the normal in our 20's different life situation stuff.

    I made* a decision to go back to school to get my masters and to figure out if our relationship is worth all the anxiety, money and tears.* I applied to his country and got into a few different schools. Chose the one best fitting for me and gave him the option to either move with* me closer to campus or him staying in his house and visiting over the weekends. Well we are house hunting tomorrow since he wants to live with me (and his commute to work will be 1h shorter when we move close to campus so it makes sense).

    So here I am sitting in the airport with my one way ticket. 5,5 years later since we first met. This isn't the final plan. I took a year off from work so I have a place to go back. The employment in my country is very difficult. But I'm open to staying a few years and he says that he is more open about relocating. So we have a year to see if our relationship is worth all this and how we work together and then make new plans. Also I get a break from my work and I get a new degree that will improve my employment prospects.

    For me this "only one year" is easier to handle and( also for my parents) and doesn't feel too final and scary.* Well I'm terrified going back to school and being broke. It will be an adjustment not to have income and studying something completely different. But I feel good about our relationship now that there is a some sort of plan. Also the anxiety has subsided.

    I want to thank everyone on this forum. This is the most supportive forum I've been on and it's great to have a community that understands instead of thinking you are crazy for being with* person who lives more than 2 blocks away.

    #2
    Wish you all the best. Please keep us updated

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      #3
      I guess I'll use this thread as a diary a bit. Yesterday it finally hit me that this is not a holiday. I'm in a foreign country and starting school. I'm getting a degree in something I haven't studied before and I saw the list of names of my class mates and looks like they are all foreigners. Some degree that's comforting that people are in a similar situation but based on names it looks like they are from a different continent. I've attended a few international school to know how people make friends in international surroundings so I'm a bit nervous.

      Also yesterday along with all these realizations I got the same feeling I had last year when I was going through the anxiety about the future of the relationship and what I want. The purpose of this year was to get the answers and I got to stressing that what if I don't get my answers or we end up in the exactly the same situation as the last time. I have a tendency to decide beforehand how things are going to go and that is really counter productive. I'm trying really hard not to decide the end result now eventhough it might hurt in the future. Any tips on how to enjoy now and get to know each other again after all the hardship and give us a proper chance? I caught myself making a speech in the conversation we will have in September 2018. That's insane cause things might be completely different.

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