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Brazil-Ireland relationship

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    Brazil-Ireland relationship

    Hello everybody.
    I live in brazil and my S.O lives in Ireland. We met playing videogames and we've been together for 2 years already. He has several issues in his home that prevent him to come and see me so I traveled last year to visit him and stayed for a month in his family's house. At the beginning, we talked a lot on the phone and on Skype but it's been at least 6 months that he's distancing himself from communicating properly with me. He tells me that "it hurts too much to talk to me" and that he won't get back to the way things were because that's who he is, he will only compromise if I'm there living with him.
    I would love to live in Ireland, although I think Brazil would be the best place for us, I feel like I'm willing to make that sacrifice, but when he dismissed some of my messages it hurted me and now, I feel like not having the strength to fight to be together. I know he is a good man and he would do a lot for me and for us, but at this point what keeps me going, which is talking, is exactly what hurts him the most. I don't know what to do!
    I tried to cave to the things he asks for. Pictures, videos, audios, as soon as I sent those to him he gets silent and when I try to do the same he either does it with little to no effort or doesn't do it at all. He is not interested in stablishing a routine for Skyping anymore. He only calls when is an urgent matter and in the past he kissed someone else and said he had feelings for someone else also. I tried to break up at the time but he didn't want to cause according to him he knew I was serious about us. I forgave him for that but I've never forgotten about it.
    He has no plans on visiting me anytime soon due to his issues back home. I don't own a lot of money so I can really only see him once a year until we decide if we can take the next step or not.
    Endless nights of me crying to sleep because all I wanted was a good morning or good night text. I talked to him about all of these things and he justify his actions by saying that whatever action he takes in the relationship has to be genuine and true, so if he doesn't feel like texting he won't.
    My insecurities and my mind are going insane, I don't feel like I want anybody other then him, I truly love him, I feel like we could work things out because when I was at his house we were better than ever, I met his family and friends. Now, I don't feel like I trust him enough to take care of my feelings. I feel that he is so scared about getting hurt by me that he's kind of hurting me in the process.

    I'm sorry for writing so much, I just don't know where else to go, what to do. Could someone please give me the absolute truth in here? Thank you everyone.
    Last edited by Crazyowl; September 14, 2017, 09:09 AM. Reason: I forgot to include information on the title

    #2
    First of all: welcome.

    Don't feel sorry for writing so much. It looks like you needed it.

    There are some very important things you write in here, and some serious red flags if you ask me...

    He cheated on you (if you want call 'kissing' 'cheating'), he doesn't meet your needs and requests, only turns to you when he needs you, but doesn't respond when you need him, doesn't seem to be willing to make time for you, you lost your trust in him and he feels you're not worth his effort (if I understand right).

    That are loads of red flags that he doesn't take your relationship, or you for that matter, serious. And although I can understand feelings die hard, the moment you loose your trust, how can you be in a relationship? How can you (honestly) love someone who you don't trust?

    There is something else worth considering. Not everyone can handle a long distance relationship. May be he is one of those people. May be not, he could just have lost interest but is not honest or bold enough to tell you the truth.

    Of course, I cannot read his mind, so I don't know what is exactly going on. All we can do is respond to what you write down for us. We can't give you the 'absolute truth', sadly. All we can do is offer you our opinion and advice. It's up to you to decide what you do with it.

    For all that my response is worth, I hope it's helping you. I'm sure others will respond and give you their opinion, so you have a few different points of view and see from there where you want to go.

    I wish you loads of wisdom and strength.
    Last edited by erwin1973; September 14, 2017, 10:00 AM. Reason: Correcting some inconsistencies
    Distance means nothing when someone means everything.

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      #3
      I understand what you are saying. I see kissing as cheating. He says it's not,because it was a guy friend and apparently, he said that they were just joking around and that he's not gay, but I still consider as something wrong.
      I do notice red flags but because of his personal problems I tried to see the situation with more sympathetic eyes.
      I appreciate your honesty and time in order to help me. It did help me a lot, Thank you.

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        #4
        Relationships (long or close distance) take hard work and compromise from both ends to continue. I understand that not everyone is a texter, but he can do something to meet your needs, since you are trying to meet his. If he's not making any effort to come to you, he should financially help you go to him, in my opinion. You shouldn't have to foot the bill for everything. If he keeps dismissing your concerns and not compromising, I would question how well you guys will work together in the future, especially up in each other's spwaces close distance. Lay out your requests clearly in a nonconfrontational manner, and if he still doesn't take you seriously, make sure you're willing to deal with being ignored before deciding to stay with him. I wish you the best!
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          #5
          I appreciate it. I'll do that. I reevaluate the situation and talk to him about it.

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            #6
            I feel like he’s checked out and moving on, which is okay cause you can’t force someone to stay, but him not spelling it out loud for you and being honest is so horrible of him, to keepyou barely hanging by a thread.

            Also saying he’s scared of getting hurt so hurts you instead? I don’t buy this. Not at all. If he didn’t want to be hurt, he would keep fighting for you. He just wants to move on ASAP and doesn’t care how you’ll do.

            My honest advice to you is to let him be. Give him distance and space, sometimes the closer and more loving we get to them, the more they need to break free. Let him feel like he’s all set free. You’re a Brazilian girl so I’ve no doubt that you’re a beautiful vibrant girl and would find so many single great guys out there, not saying you need to go out and find love, but go out and find FUN. Not someone who is sad and constantly making you feel sad.

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