Dealing with a hard breakup

[AgentB]

Hey everyone,

Maybe this isn't the right place to post this, but I got an email reminder about LFAD and thought I'd check in...

I am still hurting from the loss of my relationship which ended in early June. He lives in Iceland, I live in Canada....

I had been there twice from Oct - Feb, had invited him to come visit me in Toronto (he said he would love to and told me end of may he wanted to come in July or August), and had a trip planned to stay with him from June 4-21st in Reykjavik.

He broke my heart when he told me end of May that he was seeing someone else, and that I couldn't stay with him any more. I had only booked the flight on May 1st.

This has been a really tough relationship for me to get over... I find myself pining for him and wishing everything was different. I had been working on getting my British Passport (so I could live and work in Iceland/Europe), which I now have. I was starting to think about moving to Iceland so I could be with him. I had planned to talk about all this stuff in person with him in June on my visit, but he dumped me before then.

In the breakup and just after, I admitted to him that I had been thinking about moving there... he told me things like "that would have been too big of a step for me", "there's nothing here for you", and "I have a shitty job and shitty life" and "you shouldn't give up what you have going in Toronto for me" and he said of himself, "I'm a high school dropout with a drug and alcohol problem."

I miss him and think of him almost every day though :-( I wish things were different... today is my one year anniversary of the first day I arrived in Iceland, last Oct.

[Reyhoney]

I’m so sorry your heart is broken, I think you miss the person you thought he was, not the person he truly is on the daily basis. He is right, you don’t want to uproot and ruin your future for someone like him, he knows himself better than you know him so take him at his words.

Think of it as you dodged a bullet, thank him in your heart for awakening those feelings in you and hope that tomorrow you’ll meet the person who will awaken them even more, but he will love you, value you, and commit to you. It’s really that simple, when a man really loves you you will never doubt it. You really won’t.

[AgentB]

I’m so sorry your heart is broken, I think you miss the person you thought he was, not the person he truly is on the daily basis. He is right, you don’t want to uproot and ruin your future for someone like him, he knows himself better than you know him so take him at his words.

Think of it as you dodged a bullet, thank him in your heart for awakening those feelings in you and hope that tomorrow you’ll meet the person who will awaken them even more, but he will love you, value you, and commit to you. It’s really that simple, when a man really loves you you will never doubt it. You really won’t.

Hey @Reyhoney , thanks so much for the kind words. Yeah, so true... I probably miss the person I thought he was. He was so kind and sweet to me for a long time and that's who I fell in love with. It was a shock for me to hear him say that he has a drug and alcohol problem and calling his life shitty during the breakup... and saying he did speed most weekends. So much so that I had a lot of denial over that.... and have struggled to accept that this could be the same person.

Yes, many of my friends have told me I've dodged a bullet too....

I certainly hope I can meet a man who will love me, value me and commit to me and not cause me this much heartache.

[Redheart14]

Hopefully you'll find the right one soon. Just remember you deserve better.