Is this a red flag?

[NewToLongDistance2016]

I thought the same thing. The entire speech he made gave me a stomach ache.
Maybe like others say he meant well but it has gotten to me.

That would get to me too and it would honestly turn me off from seeing the guy in person.

[Reyhoney]

So he’s been apologizing since, he said he didn’t mean it like that and that was pretty stupid choice of words from him, he said the sex thing was just me being flirty as I’m never sure if we are being serious or just flirty. He said I hope you can still trust me but you’ll realize that sometimes I say stupid things I don’t mean.

And I guess he was just needing reassurance from me, that if things workout he’d be antsy to make something happen but doesn’t know how exactly but that he is ready to take the risk, I asked do you want to still see other people if the meeting goes well? He said no I don’t.

And about the hotel he said I just want to make it a pleasent week where you don’t have to worry about anything. I guess THAT backfired. If we do decide to meet I’ll just tell him we gotta pick a cheaper hotel.

I still don’t know what to do. I’m being pulled between what my heart wants and what my head wants.

I swear this thread should be renamed “Journey to meet.” You’d think two people in their 30es who have talked for 6 months would have better communication, but I think we are both pretty scared.

I apologize if I came off defensive on here, I had no idea how mentally and emotionally exhausting this could be. I’m sorry.

[Redheart14]

Good luck with whatever decision you make. Time is getting away now, hopefully if you do decide to go ahead there's enough time left for you to organise it as last minute hotels and flights (even domestic ones) are expensive.

[Reyhoney]

Good luck with whatever decision you make. Time is getting away now, hopefully if you do decide to go ahead there's enough time left for you to organise it as last minute hotels and flights (even domestic ones) are expensive.

Very true, guess we could push it back a bit. Thank you so much for your support Redheart, I really do appreciate it.

[Reyhoney]

I’m glad you guys gave me the push I needed as all my friends in real life were pushing me in the opposite direction.

I texted him saying it’s also my bad and he texted back saying he’s leaving work soon and if we can talk about it. He called me and we talked about random things first then he said wow we would have been meeting really soon.. so I asked do you still want to? He said I do, but I don’t know if you want to.. he then said that I know what I was said was stupid and I’m an idiot, and I understood that you wanted to take time to think about it and I would have wrote you eventually but I didn’t want to force myself on you, I wanted you to choose to come back.

Also he said maybe I can pay for the hotel (cheaper one) and you pay for the food because I wasn’t sure if I should give him cash or do an international wire transfer or what exactly so that’s easier.
So we are going to meet (as of now hopefully nothing changes) and he emailed his boss!

I don’t know what will happen after we meet or if we’ll ever be together but I don’t want to not find out, at least I would have lived the experience and known for sure. We should meet on November 1st unless we get stupid again.

[Redheart14]

Good luck

[Reyhoney]

Good luck

Thank you ❤️ We’ll need it!

[C.C.]

Best of luck

I'm glad things are okay

[Reyhoney]

Tickets are booked!!! Meeting on Halloween.

[ThePhoenixRises]

Great I am glad to hear it - I really think it is worth it to at least meet and see where things go. As for some of the things he said - nerves, anticipation of the first meeting - can really affect the emotions and I am sure that it happens to many of us, we say dumb things etc. It happens.

One thing I was thinking of too was that you said he was from Sweden - therefore I am assuming that English isn't his mother tongue (even if he can speak it very fluently). Sometimes this can affect how people 'word' things. English is not my SO's mother tongue either, although he speaks it very well, sometimes if he is nervous or we are having any kind of heated discussion (very rare but it can happen) our communication can suffer a little (I am not fluent in his language yet). Sorry I went off on a bit of a tangent - but what I am trying to say is that some of the things that your SO has said that has sounded a little strange or offensive could just be due to English not being his first language. Just a thought. If I am wrong, then just disregard this whole paragraph. I shouldn't write posts as soon as I wake up

Hopefully everything goes smoothly for the next couple of weeks - not long now and you will be able to meet him!! It is exciting.

[Reyhoney]

Great I am glad to hear it - I really think it is worth it to at least meet and see where things go. As for some of the things he said - nerves, anticipation of the first meeting - can really affect the emotions and I am sure that it happens to many of us, we say dumb things etc. It happens.

One thing I was thinking of too was that you said he was from Sweden - therefore I am assuming that English isn't his mother tongue (even if he can speak it very fluently). Sometimes this can affect how people 'word' things. English is not my SO's mother tongue either, although he speaks it very well, sometimes if he is nervous or we are having any kind of heated discussion (very rare but it can happen) our communication can suffer a little (I am not fluent in his language yet). Sorry I went off on a bit of a tangent - but what I am trying to say is that some of the things that your SO has said that has sounded a little strange or offensive could just be due to English not being his first language. Just a thought. If I am wrong, then just disregard this whole paragraph. I shouldn't write posts as soon as I wake up

Hopefully everything goes smoothly for the next couple of weeks - not long now and you will be able to meet him!! It is exciting.

I’m always so happy to see your replies so I’m glad you wrote this! And I think you’re right! English isn’t my native language either so the both of us are using a second language to communicate and as proficient as we both could get, miscommunication can definitely happen! Also not being able to see each other faces makes a difference, like if he had said them winking or something I would have understood he’s just making a joke. He told me today I’m not perfect and I’ll make more mistakes, but I think resolving it as fast as we did and still agreeing to meet is a good sign that we shouldn’t just call it off.

I guess having been heart broken so many times in the past has really scared me and ruined me even if I don’t admit it. I’m more fragile than I show him.

Something in me just screams that I need to do this, even if nothing happens or even if I do end up regretting it for whatever reason, I just gotta experience it.

Thank you again ❤️❤️

[Redheart14]

I’m always so happy to see your replies so I’m glad you wrote this! And I think you’re right! English isn’t my native language either so the both of us are using a second language to communicate and as proficient as we both could get, miscommunication can definitely happen! Also not being able to see each other faces makes a difference, like if he had said them winking or something I would have understood he’s just making a joke. He told me today I’m not perfect and I’ll make more mistakes, but I think resolving it as fast as we did and still agreeing to meet is a good sign that we shouldn’t just call it off.

I guess having been heart broken so many times in the past has really scared me and ruined me even if I don’t admit it. I’m more fragile than I show him.

Something in me just screams that I need to do this, even if nothing happens or even if I do end up regretting it for whatever reason, I just gotta experience it.

Thank you again ❤️❤️

Be sure to update us on how it goes

[C.C.]

Halloween meetup in the US must be so exciting!

And yes it's better to face some things sometimes even if they are difficult. Sorry if I was harsh or anything with you, I do understand how anxiety works and I do feel for you. It just doesn't mean it's right or healthy approach to take most of the time. Even when you can't help it much, I feel like the acceptance of the problem is first step to take towards improvement.

Best of luck with the meet up! And do update us about how it goes.

[hmrambling]

And do update us about how it goes.

OP is now listed as Guest so I'm not sure we'll here an update.

[Reyhoney]

OP is now listed as Guest so I'm not sure we'll here an update.

Still here. But you won’t hear my update believe me.