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Thread: Am I deluding myself?

  1. #1
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    Am I deluding myself?

    I have been very troubled with something that happened recently. I met my bf this summer when we were both traveling in Asia. We liked each other immediately and he flew from Europe to the US to see me, and to see if this could be the foundation of something more long term n solid. I also visited him last month. He says he loves me, and I am quite infatuated with him as well. He said he is committed, and wants this to be an exclusive relationship.
    The 6000miles between us is very hard on me, and I am looking forward to seeing him whenever there's any opportunity. I feel at this early stage of the relationship, we need to spend more time together to build trust, faith, and patience. Long story short, he has a long holiday coming up in Dec, and he made travel arrangements before he met me. He asked me if I would like him to cancel and come to see me. I asked him would he be happier if he still went on the trip and it wouldn't change things between us. Yes, he said. And I lost it.
    I do regret behaving like that and I can't get over it. He cancelled the trip and is coming, but the whole thing bothers me still. He says of course he has regrets for not going on the trip, but we will have fun. I asked him if he chose the trip, would he also regret not coming to see me? He says, "Only if it would've meant a definitive breakup between us".
    How would you take this? Am I being too sensitive? The thing is, if he doesn't see me in dec, we don't know when we will get together again next year, prob not until summer. I now am regretting having him change his plan--why would I force someone to spend time with me when he clearly has other priorities? Is this how I want the relationship to go? Btw, he also has no long term plan, and kinda thinks being committeed full time is detrimental to his personal freed, which he values very much.
    Should I just let him go to save later headaches? Any thought is appreciated!
    Sasha

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    Quote Originally Posted by SashaBL View Post
    I have been very troubled with something that happened recently. I met my bf this summer when we were both traveling in Asia. We liked each other immediately and he flew from Europe to the US to see me, and to see if this could be the foundation of something more long term n solid. I also visited him last month. He says he loves me, and I am quite infatuated with him as well. He said he is committed, and wants this to be an exclusive relationship.
    The 6000miles between us is very hard on me, and I am looking forward to seeing him whenever there's any opportunity. I feel at this early stage of the relationship, we need to spend more time together to build trust, faith, and patience. Long story short, he has a long holiday coming up in Dec, and he made travel arrangements before he met me. He asked me if I would like him to cancel and come to see me. I asked him would he be happier if he still went on the trip and it wouldn't change things between us. Yes, he said. And I lost it.
    I do regret behaving like that and I can't get over it. He cancelled the trip and is coming, but the whole thing bothers me still. He says of course he has regrets for not going on the trip, but we will have fun. I asked him if he chose the trip, would he also regret not coming to see me? He says, "Only if it would've meant a definitive breakup between us".
    How would you take this? Am I being too sensitive? The thing is, if he doesn't see me in dec, we don't know when we will get together again next year, prob not until summer. I now am regretting having him change his plan--why would I force someone to spend time with me when he clearly has other priorities? Is this how I want the relationship to go? Btw, he also has no long term plan, and kinda thinks being committeed full time is detrimental to his personal freed, which he values very much.
    Should I just let him go to save later headaches? Any thought is appreciated!
    Sasha
    I would say you are looking at this the wrong way. He made the plans before he even met you and it has nothing to do with priorities. He has now cancelled a prior commitment to someone else to come see you. If I already had a a trip with friend(s) planned hat I had made prior to the relationship, my SO would have to understand that I keep my word to everyone and that means I would go on that trip. It would be nothing agains him at all or say anything about our relationship. If anything, it should be viewed as a positive because I kept my word on a previous commitment.

    He says it's an exclusive relationship and that's what he wants. Unless he has given you reason to think he is lying, you have to believe what he has said. You've only been in this relationship since the summer. My advice would be to slow down and see how things continue to progress.
    To those who dream, nothing is ever far away.

    ​Distance is to love as wind is to fire. It blows out the little ones and fans the big ones.


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    Quote Originally Posted by R&R View Post
    I would say you are looking at this the wrong way. He made the plans before he even met you and it has nothing to do with priorities. He has now cancelled a prior commitment to someone else to come see you. If I already had a a trip with friend(s) planned hat I had made prior to the relationship, my SO would have to understand that I keep my word to everyone and that means I would go on that trip. It would be nothing agains him at all or say anything about our relationship. If anything, it should be viewed as a positive because I kept my word on a previous commitment.

    He says it's an exclusive relationship and that's what he wants. Unless he has given you reason to think he is lying, you have to believe what he has said. You've only been in this relationship since the summer. My advice would be to slow down and see how things continue to progress.

    First of all, thank you! I have been overwhelmed by the whirlpool of feelings that sometimes i wonder if i lost my voice of reason.
    His travel arrangement was not made with friends or family. I would not dream of having him break his word to other people. He just signed up at a travel agency. That said, I think you are absolutely right. I need to remind myself to have more faith and stay positive. Thank you again!

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    He had made travel plans that he was looking forward to and when you asked him to cancel, he did. I do think that shows his commitment. I wouldn't have cancelled anything. of course he is a bit sad he is not going since he has saved up and planned the trip and looking forward to it. Despite of this he wants to come and see you and says you will have great time. I think that says a lot about him.

    As R said. you met in summer so only a few months ago. you are getting ahead of yourself. there is no need for long term plans yet.

  6. #5
    Reyhoney
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    I think you are in the wrong here. He had already those plans set, what if it was you and your plans? And even though he didnít want to cancel, he did for you because he is committed to you and is serious about you, not only that, but he also was very frank about how he felt about it.

    This is the real test of his character and intentions with you. We do things we donít want to when we are in love, because we put their needs before ours, and heís showing that he would go above and beyond for you.

    I think you owe him an apology. If you read on here more youíll see your guy is a rare breed.

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    Thanks guys. Yes, I did apologize to him, and I do reflect on my own behavior and try to improve. There is no question I would have done the same for him though.
    Again, I really appreciate your candid feedback!

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