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Need insecurity and general LDR advice for a first timer

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    Need insecurity and general LDR advice for a first timer

    So this is going to be a long one, but I hope you guys can provide me with some advice to help me through this LDR I am in.

    So a bit of backstory. I am 18 years old and my girlfriend is 19. She has just started university, which is hundreds of miles away, while I am at home taking a gap year (I missed my offers to get into university) in order to reapply to university and resits some exams. I am working to keep myself busy and revising at the same time. We decided we would give long distance a go, and have agreed that if it does get hard for us, we would break up mutually and be friends. She is my first girlfriend and we've been together for 6 months now. I am deeply in love with her, and she says she's deeply in love with me. She acts really cute and soppy when she misses me We text everyday and FaceTime every Sunday, or whenever we want to just talk during the week. We talk about anything and everything. I've talked to her about my issues and feelings with regard to our LDR, and she's done the same, so communication isn't the problem. Our communication is great! I can tell her anything that's on my mind and she's always there for me. All of that stuff is great! But...

    This is where I need some advice. So ever since not getting into university, I have been feeling quite terrible about myself. I feel like a failure; I feel like I let myself, friends and family down; I worked so hard, pulled many late nights revising, but missed out, but it's been gradually getting better, as I have come to accept that it is just a year and it's a chance for me to get money saved up and go for uni again. My problem is that I feel like I am missing out on uni life that my girlfriend and friends are relishing at the moment. I know I should suck it up, but it's this feeling I get. A sense of jealousy, loneliness, and missing out. Anyway, my girlfriend was telling me about all the fun things she has planned for the end of October/beginning of November: halloween parties, bonfire nights and so on. Although I am really happy that she's enjoying uni and is doing really well, I feel left out and jealous. I'm also worried about things like if she cheats. I trust her with all my heart - I want her to live her uni life and be socialable person she is, because it wouldn't be fair on her if I was clingy and I want the best for her, but I just don't trust the guys and I'm scared she might find me boring and end it. This is the insecurity issue I have. I would say I am quite a secure and sound person, but her being away and me having these thoughts do not help. She is literally on my mind from the moment I wake up to the moment I sleep. I was just wondering if you have any tips on how to combat these insecurities and any tips in general to help me out!

    Thank you!

    #2
    Long distance relationships are the ultimate test to trust. You can't always be there with your partner, so it's important to have a solid foundation of trust. I have a lot of trust issues when it comes to people in general. It took me a very long time to put full trust into my boyfriend. There's gonna be that little nagging voice in the back of your head, that's your insecurities attacking you. It takes a very strong relationship to make it through a long distance situation, and it sounds to me that you and your girlfriend seem to have a good one. As long as you don't notice anything fishy with her, then there's nothing to worry about. Your girlfriend wouldn't be with you if she thought you were a boring guy. She must love you, and think you're an amazing person or else she'd be with another guy.

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      #3
      Here is advice from my own experience that I offer to folks who get caught up in waiting for the next text from their partner:

      Are you gainfully employed? If yes, go to work and be present at work.
      Have friends? If yes, spend time with them. Enjoy yourself.
      Have hobbies? If yes, spend time on your hobbies.
      Have family? If yes, spend time with them.
      Have interests? If yes, spend time on those things you are interested in.
      Have internet? Read about the stages of relationships so that you will be knowledgeable about how relationships grow.
      Exercised today? If not, go for a walk or jog or bike ride. Get active.
      If you answered no to all of the above, change your life so that you can answer yes to some of these things.

      Be a whole person so that you can be a whole person in a relationship. Become a priority and have a great relationship with yourself. Do not rely on your partner to complete you. Be a complete person whose partner is a positive addition to your life.

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        #4
        Why do you have to wait a full year? Does your country not have spring and summer enrollments as well as fall?
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