Insecure

[Micky]

so I've been dating my current partner from Norway hes very far away and I really love him. there'a a problem i'm insecure about myself i'm not very pretty and i'm shy. him I feel very comfortable I wish this was less of a problem so that we can both be happy my body is something i'm not happy with neither is my face but I try and be myself as much as possible I don't know what to do. he says it doesn't matter but to me it does what if i'm not attractive enough? I mean hes one of the most breath taking guys I've met! I mean its better if i didn't look so bad. I can't exactly change my looks unless I get some sort of plastic surgery which I don't want to happen because I believe that I should never change who I am for someone else. Is there anyway i could get a confidence boost? or at least feel better about myself? any advice would be appreciated Love, Micky.

[erwin1973]

Before I can give any answer, I would suggest you try to add some interpunctions and capitals. As non-native English speaker, it is for me impossible to understand what you want to ask. I'm sorry.

[Rezie]

You need to work on your selfesteem. you will push him away if you keep bringing yourself down. You need to learn to like yourself. I'm sure e You are great, cute and nice. You need to realize it yourself. I would suggest maybe talking to a professional. these feeligs will bring you down in life

[erwin1973]

Everyone is unique in their own way. It sounds like a cliché and may be it is, but real beauty is on the inside. Looks change. A beautiful man or woman will grow old, a beautiful mind will always be a beautiful mind. It's not the outside that counts, it is the inside. I am sure your boyfriend love you for who you are, not for how you look. I myself am about 20 kilo's overweight and I hate my big stomach. My girl thinks it's lovely. When a man loves a woman, she automatically becomes the prettiest girl on the planet. I mean, really loves. I guess he is telling you you are beautiful. Believe him, in his eyes you are.

Still feeling insecure? Rezie has a good suggestion.

Thank you for adding some interpunction.

[hmrambling]

Is there anyway i could get a confidence boost? or at least feel better about myself?

Your entire post is about physical attractiveness. Physical attractiveness does not make or break relationships. However, insecurity can. When I'm down on myself about anything, I try to affirm myself in a positive manner. Have you ever tried affirmations? If not, check out Louise Haye 101 Affirmations for Life. You can find them on Youtube. Try listening to those affirmations and allow them to marinate.

[Moon]

Everyone is unique in their own way. It sounds like a cliché and may be it is, but real beauty is on the inside. Looks change. A beautiful man or woman will grow old, a beautiful mind will always be a beautiful mind. It's not the outside that counts, it is the inside. I am sure your boyfriend love you for who you are, not for how you look. I myself am about 20 kilo's overweight and I hate my big stomach. My girl thinks it's lovely. When a man loves a woman, she automatically becomes the prettiest girl on the planet. I mean, really loves. I guess he is telling you you are beautiful. Believe him, in his eyes you are.

Still feeling insecure? Rezie has a good suggestion.

Thank you for adding some interpunction.

Your entire post is about physical attractiveness. Physical attractiveness does not make or break relationships. However, insecurity can. When I'm down on myself about anything, I try to affirm myself in a positive manner. Have you ever tried affirmations? If not, check out Louise Haye 101 Affirmations for Life. You can find them on Youtube. Try listening to those affirmations and allow them to marinate.

Guys, c'mon, the OP is 22. Attractiveness is still very important at that stage of life for a lot of young adults, to tell her it doesn't matter is a falsehood. Most people don't become secure in themselves, and realize how superficial looks can be until their late twenties, or thirties. At 22, looks usually matter, quite a bit.

OP, I assume your guy has at least seen a non-filtered picture of you, right? He's still in contact, isn't he? If that's the case, you're attractive enough for him, don't let insecurities ruin things. It's OK to be shy, just don't be ridiculous about it. If he wasn't attracted to you, physically or otherwise, he wouldn't be with you. Just relax and enjoy your relationship.

[hmrambling]

to tell her it doesn't matter is a falsehood

You'll find that I didn't say that attractiveness doesn't matter if you re-read my post. I do, however, say that physical attractiveness doesn't make or break relationships... and I did address OP's question when I suggested affirmations because her question was about how she can boost confidence and feel better about herself.

Perhaps I misunderstood the question. Perhaps OP can indicate whether I misunderstood the question or not. However I read the question that she asked if others knew anything she could do to boost her confidence.

[Moon]

You'll find that I didn't say that attractiveness doesn't matter if you re-read my post. I do, however, say that physical attractiveness doesn't make or break relationships... and I did address OP's question when I suggested affirmations because her question was about how she can boost confidence and feel better about herself.

Perhaps I misunderstood the question. Perhaps OP can indicate whether I misunderstood the question or not. However I read the question that she asked if others knew anything she could do to boost her confidence.

And if you'll re-read my post, you'll see I wasn't responding only to you.

[erwin1973]

Well, then I guess I have to respond, too... I didn't say, as far as I am aware, that it isn't important to her. I only tried to give some of my view to her. If I offended OP, I am terribly sorry, but I don't see what I did wrong here, sorry for that. May be you want to explain to the letter what you think I did wrong... I don't see any offence in my post.

[differentcountries]

I assume that he thinks you are very beautiful

Also, if your boyfriend is from Norway, he is used to shy and introvert people.

[Moon]

Well, then I guess I have to respond, too... I didn't say, as far as I am aware, that it isn't important to her. I only tried to give some of my view to her. If I offended OP, I am terribly sorry, but I don't see what I did wrong here, sorry for that. May be you want to explain to the letter what you think I did wrong... I don't see any offence in my post.

You didn't do anything "wrong", or offensive, except thinking like a 40+ year old I just read the responses like the OP was being told looks or attractiveness as not being very important weren't remembering what being 22 was like. For most young adults, it matters a lot to them. You did say "It's not the outside that counts, it is the inside. I am sure your boyfriend love you for who you are, not for how you look." I'm just trying to point that out. Right or wrong, society makes us think women are supposed to fit a mold to be deemed worthy. Young men are constantly bombarded with unrealistic images of what's supposed to be ideal. At 22 you haven't usually learned what bullshit all that is yet, and you worry about your looks constantly. All I was trying to get across was not to discount that. Just because I disagreed with some of what you were saying doesn't mean I was saying you were wrong, or offensive to the OP, only to remind of the age difference.

[erwin1973]

Look, I am 40+, and if my daughter would have said to me what OP posts, I would have responded the same. I for one don't give a thing about what others think about me. May be I am different, because I never did. Never wanted to fit in any group. I am me. More people should be like that.

[Moon]

Look, I am 40+, and if my daughter would have said to me what OP posts, I would have responded the same. I for one don't give a thing about what others think about me. May be I am different, because I never did. Never wanted to fit in any group. I am me. More people should be like that.

OK, we'll just have to agree to disagree. I am the parent of an adult daughter who has gone through her twenties, so I'm not exactly inexperienced it this. You seem to be quite offended, I'm not sure why really, but I'm sorry you feel that way. I would explain further, but I don't think it would help, so I'll drop it on my end.

[snow]

When I met my husband I was 22 years old and convinced I was ugly. It wasn't so much my weight, even though I had struggled with it for years, but I knew I was ugly and could not understand what he could possibly find pretty.
He wanted to take a picture of me with my camera and I wouldn't let him so he finally looked at me and said "you're not ugly" and until then I had never said it or faced it and we had a long long talk.
I am 28 now and I find myself pretty. I can look in the mirror and see things that I really like about my face.

So I think all you need is a little time to see what others see in you.