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Thread: It Feels Like a Cruel, but Beautiful, Fairy Tale

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    It Feels Like a Cruel, but Beautiful, Fairy Tale

    He and I connected online (Ancestry . com) in early August. We hit it off so well, immediately, to where it feels as though we've known each other for a thousand years. By Labor Day, he booked a flight to see me. We met mid-October, and it was as though a missing piece of me was finally in place, where it belongs.

    We spent five days and five nights together, enjoying every moment getting to know each other properly and exploring some places special to me. We ended up having dinner with my parents (which was not on my agenda in any way shape or form, considering I hadn't even told my mother I had someone coming to see me, or that I was taking a trip). I did plan, and we did, for him to meet my grandmother, as she is one of the three most important people in my life and isn't doing well.

    There are two, glaring issues aside from the fact that we are thousands of miles apart. Financially, I am not in a position to travel. Also, I am only afforded five days of vacation time each year through my employer. Being in the UK, he has at least five weeks off each year, and he claims the costs of coming here is not an issue. He has mentioned being able to come back in a few months, but I won't have the time to take off. He has mentioned flying me to the UK, but again, taking the time off work is an issue. If I was to go over there, I could use all five days at once, leave on a Friday, and have two weekends, but he (god love him) doesn't want me to take all of my time for him, because I have children and might need days for them.

    When he came here, he had the burden of an expensive flight, and he rented a car. I booked a beautiful, little cabin for us for a few days, and I was able to work out with the owner to make payments towards it, so it wasn't as burdensome to my tight budget. I brought groceries and he took me to a nice dinner the last night we spent together.

    I don't know how to make this work within normal financial circumstances. My job is good, considering. I earn a salary now, and it's livable - for me. I've had a difficult financial life for many years having fled and divorced an abusive marriage. He doesn't know the details of my finances, other than he's been told I'm not in a position to travel.

    He and I have shared most of the details of our pasts, and he is probably the most understanding soul I've ever known. And it's not so much the fact that I am stuck where I live now until my last child turns 18 (eight more years), that is disconcerting to him, it's the fact that the US has no mandated time off work for its citizens. He was flabbergasted when I told him I have five days off for the year. And more so when I told him I was lucky to have that. If I took three days off, as I did in October, we would have very little time for a second visit during the year. If I took all five days at once, we could only see each other once a year.

    If I won a lottery, these would be non-issues. Unfortunately, reality is that is so far from the realm of possibility.

    What ways have you worked around the financial and time constraints? I am determined for us to work, as he and I both feel that the other is the only person in the world who gets the other. I may not be able to leave the states for another eight years, but is it realistic to believe we can make once or twice a year visits work for eight years?

  2. #2
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    You can definitely survive on one visit a year for as long as you can cope with that. obviously everyone is different and for some people one visit just simply isn't enough, but if you think you can cope then of course it's manageable. There are a lot of people on here who have been together for years and haven't even met their SO's yet, so really at least having met and knowing your SO can come visit you is a good start. With my ex we were a UK/US couple and in the two years I was with her I only saw her once each year. It was for the same reason as you've said, you hardly get any time off in the US. And although I suggested i could just come visit her while she has work she really disagreed with that idea as she felt she'd be in a bad mood all the time and not fun to be around.

    If you both have the funds and want to have more than one visit a year, you'll probably have to just let him come see you when you're working still. because after all even if you're working you have days off each week and you'll still see him after work every day so it's not like you'll not spend any time with him. The way my ex and I were planning to do it was she'd use her little time off to fly to see me and then if we did have a second visit in the year i'd fly to her while she was working, which she eventually agreed (not that it matters now obviously )
    Anyway, I hope you can figure things out, and good luck! :3
    Who knew in a world so big, I'd find you

    Met online ~ 17th August 2017 ~
    Met in person and started dating~ 30th August 2017 ~
    Became official ~ 15th September 2017 ~


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    I appreciate your input. Thank you. I've been on my own for so long, that I'm not worried about me being unable to cope with duch little time together. I do worry that he may not be able to cope with such little in-person contact for a great length of time. Our American ways of time off work are not conducive to maintaining a transatlantic relationship. Thank goodness for WhatsApp and email.

    I hope the universe that threw us together has a genius plan for keeping us together. I never knew that a person could feel like home until now. One day at a time, for now.

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