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He Really Likes Me, But He's Scared

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    Teens He Really Likes Me, But He's Scared

    Hi, reader!

    Last summer I met a guy from the Netherlands (I'm in the eastern US) on another forum and we became friends pretty quickly. Eventually I started to fall for him and I got the feeling that he might like me too, so earlier this month, after some encouragement from another friend, I told him how I felt. He said that he was glad I told him and that he felt the same way, but he was too worried about the distance.

    As it turns out, he told me about how he had an LDR before which ended badly (I hadn't known this) and that he is scared of something like that happening again. He said I'm one of his best friends and that he would definitely date me if he knew me in real life, but when it comes to an LDR he doesn't want to risk our friendship. Of course, I tried to be as understanding as possible and I told him we could move on. So we did, and now we've just been chatting about normal things like usual: music, movies, stuff we've been doing in real life, etc.

    But I just can't seem to get over my feelings for him, and part of me wants to bring it up again. I think our friendship is strong enough that we could still be friends if it failed, and since our feelings for each other are both pretty strong, why not try it...? However, I'm aware that telling him this could backfire and he might get really upset at me... I wouldn't want him to feel like I'm trying to "convince" him to be in a relationship with me. I mean yeah the distance is pretty big, but I could probably visit him over the summer, though it could only be for a short time.

    We are both 18 by the way. (So maybe not "teens" but... close enough.)

    I guess I'm posting this here in order to get this off my chest and also to get some thoughts on the situation. I only know him on this particular forum (we've added each other on deviantArt but we don't talk much there); we've shared pictures of ourselves and clips of our voices with each other, but we haven't video chatted and I'm not sure if he'd be comfortable with that...

    Of course my other option is just to try to move on from him. Maybe all this pining after him is really dumb and I need a metaphorical slap in the face? I have to remind myself that I'll be going off to college next fall, and I'll be meeting a lot of new people, and that being in an LDR at that stage in my life might start to feel... difficult. But at the same time I think he might be worth it.

    Thank you very much if you read this whole thing. I know it's kinda long, but I would really appreciate any thoughts!

    #2
    Hey there,
    His fear about LDR is totally understandable, especially if he got his heart broken by one before.
    But I think you should still try to have a serious discussion about this with him. Talk abou what didn't work in his past relationships and why it ended up badly. Tell him that you understand his fear,and don't blame him at all, but that your feelings for him are real and that it really frustrates you to just be friends, as he seems to feel the same, and that you'd really like to at least try things out.
    Reassure him, make him understand that every relationship is different and that the fact his past one ended up badly doesn't mean that this one will too. Also, as you're both 18 (team 1999 ? ) meeting each other is less complicated than if you were minors (you can use this as an argument if his former LDR happened when he was under 18).
    Bring things slowly in the discussion, step by step, take the temperature and if you see that he's starting to get mad or upset, then give up, it means that he's not ready and it would be stupid to ruin your friendship

    Regrets are one of the worst things in life so just make sure to not have any, but if he really refuses, then don't insist, and get over him, you will have tried your best anyway.

    I hope this helped
    Have a nice day

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      #3
      Communication. Communicate to him more than you have done before. Your thoughts, feelings. Encourage him to do the same. His fear of an LDR is understandable, which has already been said. It wouldn't be an easy thing, but ultimately it's up to the both of you to decide if the risk is worth it and if both of you are willing to try the best you can to make it work, if it's something you both choose to pursue. Even both make a list of pro's and con's, then share them with each other–something simple, but often works really well. There may be a chance bringing the topic up with "backfire", but you won't know until you try.

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