Hi everyone! It's my first time on here and already the forum is being helpful by keeping me positive. This is will be a long post so bear with me, please...
So my boyfriend and I met last year in March and have been together for about 10 months now, we're both 21. He is from Katy, Texas (near Houston) and went to University here in Oklahoma. Life happened and he dropped out for a year so he could get in state tuition. His parents didn't know and when they found out they were not so happy. I wasn't either but we worked it out and moved on, I supported him into getting back into school by trying to get him to finish his Associate's. His parents, particularly his dad just wanted him home and tried to get him to come home. However, my boyfriend (William), made a deal with his dad that if he shows progress in school and life that he could at least finish his Associate's and see if he has to come home. So he started in the summer and he did well but his dad wanted him back home. Then William had to make another deal with his dad that if he got in-state tuition he can finish his associate's and if he does well he could stay in Oklahoma. During that process I got to go home with him to Katy and met his family. They were nice, his dad seemed strict but he liked me and left on a good note when William could stay in Oklahoma in the Fall. So near the end of the semester comes and Christmas break and William and his dad are "fighting" about him staying in Katy to finish his Associate's. His dad just wanted him to finish his Associate's back home when he could just finish here in Oklahoma in one semester since he already has in-state tuition.
Well, Christmas break was a struggle for both of us as we both weren't sure if he was going to stay so we fought because I didn't want to believe the idea that he would be away from me. He constantly tried to convince his dad to let him stay during the break, it's really hard to talk sense to his dad sometimes. His dad has bipolar disorder and doesn't take his medicine accordingly so he has his highs and lows and when his dad is on a high it's either his way or no way. When he is home it's like he doesn't have much a choice or voice in a lot of decisions and his dad constatnly upsetting him. I understand why his dad wants him to stay so he doesn't have to work or worry about anything but it's Will's education that they are putting on hold (it might take 2 semesters to finish his AS) and his decision. However, about a week and a half before school he had convinced his dad to let him at least finish his Associate's here and if things go well he could finish his bachelor's as well. The weekend came that William was supposed to drive back as he told his parents he was leaving by the weekend and his parents were fine... Friday, his parents wanted him to finish some stuff around the house. Saturday he was sick and couldn't drive so that was understandable why he couldn't come. Sunday he was determined to come back and I was expected him to as he wanted to help me move into my new apt. However, as he was about to leave his parents kept on wanting to do things with him like lunch (which took 3 hours), go visit old houses, and play board games. He couldn't text me because of all the stuff he was doing that I didn't know was going on so I texted his mom wondering where he was and what his plan was. That ended up being the turning point to his father that I was too demanding and too of a distraction to William so he gave William an ultimatum as was long stay in Katy, break up with me, and he will help pay for school OR come back to Oklahoma and be on his own (taking back his car even though William worked off for that car). It was frustrating and didn't make sense. I was worried because I had been expecting him for days and didn't know where he was... I could go on and on with this story as William and I tried ways to convince his dad that being in Oklahoma was best for him...
To us and to our friends it just seemed like his dad wanted control of William regardless of money (even though he constantly lectures the entire family to save money) that he risked William's education and almost got him blacklisted from schools... So now the situation is William is staying in Katy paying Out-of-State tuition where he got in-state in Oklahoma ($2000 cheaper) and his parents wants us to break up even if it meant long-distance. William and his mom and siblings came up to Oklahoma to pack his stuff this past weekend and I got to see him... in secret mostly (they have a tracker on his phone). We were at first confident in doing a LDR but at one point after talking to his dad William lost hope in doing but after talking to him and actually seeing him we agreed to give it a try. We love each other and want to be in each other's future as we both see it and can't imagine not being together. But during our mini-reunion his mom believed we broke up and so like for his last night (out of the two nights) we planned to hang out with his friends together with his mom thinking I wouldn't be there. Anyways, the night was honestly great and we both had a great time being together with all his friends. There was a couple of hiccups as his brother needed an inhaler (guess who was the only one who had one? ... me) and William spent the night over at my place because he was locked out of the house and it was so late. William told his mom and showed her how awful the situation was and she was like, "Oh well". Will tried to explain to her that it isn't easy just ending it with someone you love and plan to spend the rest of your life with. She didn't care and expected us to still break up. So in desperation and for her to understand how we were both feeling, I wrote her a letter. Writing about how much we love each other, how we are good for each other, giving us a chance of doing LDR and so on. She read it and told William that it was a novel and that I was just repeating things over and over... It didn't seem like it made a major difference which broke my heart because she really liked me when I met her and she was more of the understanding one and at one point defending me to his dad. But, William talked to her more about and she said she was just worried that our relationship might be strained and eventually turn toxic. I understand where she's coming from but it might not happen or it might, we don't know the future -- You just have to give it a chance, have no regrets. If they choose his education he should at least have a choice on who to love...
So now Will is home in Katy having to keep our LDR a secret for now as he said he's going to wait till his dad is off his high. He hates this situation and wants to be back in Oklahoma but we have to be realistic... I really want and believe that this LDR can work but it makes it harder when you have to hide it and parents don't support the relationship. My mom isn't happy with me doing LDR as she doesn't think it will last but she is still allowing me to give it a chance. It's hard coping and getting used to being alone when we used to do so much together as when he was here we basically lived together just switching back and forth at each other's places. It's hard just getting up and doing something which is a problem since school started today. We still also need to plan everything, the expectations, the possible future meets (if he can depending on his parents), and the endgame in maybe 2-3 years (that's probably another post, I don't know). We have an idea but I want to make sure things are somewhat concrete. I am though thrilled and estatic that we are giving this a chance (he even gave me a sort of promise ring) , but it's really hard coping especially when I'm generally not a social person. I've read and seen some success stories so that's why I believe it could work because we love each other, willing to make it work, and trust each other but his parents are my concern... Especially when they seem to take back on their word a lot. I want William happy, he's an adult and I want him to make his own choices not those made by his parents.
Sorry again for the super long post, I just had to get a lot out. Thanks and looking forward to your advice and thoughts.
So my boyfriend and I met last year in March and have been together for about 10 months now, we're both 21. He is from Katy, Texas (near Houston) and went to University here in Oklahoma. Life happened and he dropped out for a year so he could get in state tuition. His parents didn't know and when they found out they were not so happy. I wasn't either but we worked it out and moved on, I supported him into getting back into school by trying to get him to finish his Associate's. His parents, particularly his dad just wanted him home and tried to get him to come home. However, my boyfriend (William), made a deal with his dad that if he shows progress in school and life that he could at least finish his Associate's and see if he has to come home. So he started in the summer and he did well but his dad wanted him back home. Then William had to make another deal with his dad that if he got in-state tuition he can finish his associate's and if he does well he could stay in Oklahoma. During that process I got to go home with him to Katy and met his family. They were nice, his dad seemed strict but he liked me and left on a good note when William could stay in Oklahoma in the Fall. So near the end of the semester comes and Christmas break and William and his dad are "fighting" about him staying in Katy to finish his Associate's. His dad just wanted him to finish his Associate's back home when he could just finish here in Oklahoma in one semester since he already has in-state tuition.
Well, Christmas break was a struggle for both of us as we both weren't sure if he was going to stay so we fought because I didn't want to believe the idea that he would be away from me. He constantly tried to convince his dad to let him stay during the break, it's really hard to talk sense to his dad sometimes. His dad has bipolar disorder and doesn't take his medicine accordingly so he has his highs and lows and when his dad is on a high it's either his way or no way. When he is home it's like he doesn't have much a choice or voice in a lot of decisions and his dad constatnly upsetting him. I understand why his dad wants him to stay so he doesn't have to work or worry about anything but it's Will's education that they are putting on hold (it might take 2 semesters to finish his AS) and his decision. However, about a week and a half before school he had convinced his dad to let him at least finish his Associate's here and if things go well he could finish his bachelor's as well. The weekend came that William was supposed to drive back as he told his parents he was leaving by the weekend and his parents were fine... Friday, his parents wanted him to finish some stuff around the house. Saturday he was sick and couldn't drive so that was understandable why he couldn't come. Sunday he was determined to come back and I was expected him to as he wanted to help me move into my new apt. However, as he was about to leave his parents kept on wanting to do things with him like lunch (which took 3 hours), go visit old houses, and play board games. He couldn't text me because of all the stuff he was doing that I didn't know was going on so I texted his mom wondering where he was and what his plan was. That ended up being the turning point to his father that I was too demanding and too of a distraction to William so he gave William an ultimatum as was long stay in Katy, break up with me, and he will help pay for school OR come back to Oklahoma and be on his own (taking back his car even though William worked off for that car). It was frustrating and didn't make sense. I was worried because I had been expecting him for days and didn't know where he was... I could go on and on with this story as William and I tried ways to convince his dad that being in Oklahoma was best for him...
To us and to our friends it just seemed like his dad wanted control of William regardless of money (even though he constantly lectures the entire family to save money) that he risked William's education and almost got him blacklisted from schools... So now the situation is William is staying in Katy paying Out-of-State tuition where he got in-state in Oklahoma ($2000 cheaper) and his parents wants us to break up even if it meant long-distance. William and his mom and siblings came up to Oklahoma to pack his stuff this past weekend and I got to see him... in secret mostly (they have a tracker on his phone). We were at first confident in doing a LDR but at one point after talking to his dad William lost hope in doing but after talking to him and actually seeing him we agreed to give it a try. We love each other and want to be in each other's future as we both see it and can't imagine not being together. But during our mini-reunion his mom believed we broke up and so like for his last night (out of the two nights) we planned to hang out with his friends together with his mom thinking I wouldn't be there. Anyways, the night was honestly great and we both had a great time being together with all his friends. There was a couple of hiccups as his brother needed an inhaler (guess who was the only one who had one? ... me) and William spent the night over at my place because he was locked out of the house and it was so late. William told his mom and showed her how awful the situation was and she was like, "Oh well". Will tried to explain to her that it isn't easy just ending it with someone you love and plan to spend the rest of your life with. She didn't care and expected us to still break up. So in desperation and for her to understand how we were both feeling, I wrote her a letter. Writing about how much we love each other, how we are good for each other, giving us a chance of doing LDR and so on. She read it and told William that it was a novel and that I was just repeating things over and over... It didn't seem like it made a major difference which broke my heart because she really liked me when I met her and she was more of the understanding one and at one point defending me to his dad. But, William talked to her more about and she said she was just worried that our relationship might be strained and eventually turn toxic. I understand where she's coming from but it might not happen or it might, we don't know the future -- You just have to give it a chance, have no regrets. If they choose his education he should at least have a choice on who to love...
So now Will is home in Katy having to keep our LDR a secret for now as he said he's going to wait till his dad is off his high. He hates this situation and wants to be back in Oklahoma but we have to be realistic... I really want and believe that this LDR can work but it makes it harder when you have to hide it and parents don't support the relationship. My mom isn't happy with me doing LDR as she doesn't think it will last but she is still allowing me to give it a chance. It's hard coping and getting used to being alone when we used to do so much together as when he was here we basically lived together just switching back and forth at each other's places. It's hard just getting up and doing something which is a problem since school started today. We still also need to plan everything, the expectations, the possible future meets (if he can depending on his parents), and the endgame in maybe 2-3 years (that's probably another post, I don't know). We have an idea but I want to make sure things are somewhat concrete. I am though thrilled and estatic that we are giving this a chance (he even gave me a sort of promise ring) , but it's really hard coping especially when I'm generally not a social person. I've read and seen some success stories so that's why I believe it could work because we love each other, willing to make it work, and trust each other but his parents are my concern... Especially when they seem to take back on their word a lot. I want William happy, he's an adult and I want him to make his own choices not those made by his parents.
Sorry again for the super long post, I just had to get a lot out. Thanks and looking forward to your advice and thoughts.
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