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Love him but conflicting schedules

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    Love him but conflicting schedules

    Hey everyone, thanks for reading. Sorry if this topic has been covered already but I needed a place to find a bit of support and collect my thoughts.

    I have fallen for a man who lives in my home state (New Mexico) while I'm on another continent (Australia). We haven't been together for very long but things have become serious pretty quickly. We met at my best friend's wedding, we were both in the ceremony and instantly clicked. We spent the whole weekend together and it was magical. It never got sexual (though there was kissing) and we both felt that something was different. Good different.

    He left the next day to go to LA for training and we talked on the phone every day. Four days later, I was catching my flight to go back to Australia. He decided to meet me at the airport and spend an hour of my layover with me before I left. It was the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me and I knew I wanted to keep him in my life. Every day since then, we video chat at least twice a day despite the 18 hour time difference. He makes me laugh and smile, think and challenge my perspectives, he's so interesting and I can't wait to talk to him every day! <3

    We're both ambitious people. I have been to 11 countries in 2.5 years only coming home for a total of five months. My visa here in Aus ends 30 March which is when I'm coming home to see him and my family. I have plans to go to Tonga for a month in August and then work in Antarctica for four months starting in October (though that's not been settled yet). He is a train conductor and has quickly worked his way up from working in the yard. It's been his dream since he was a kid to work on trains and he's showing a real talent for it! His company is so impressed, they recently told him they're considering putting him up a promotion to become an engineer far sooner than regulation. I am so happy for him to have this possibility and know it's an amazing opportunity for him!

    The problem is, if he gets this opportunity he will be sent to a different state for 13 weeks starting the week that I get home in April. He would be gone until July and I would then leave in August again. It's a new relationship but he is my future, as cheesy as that sounds, he is who I want to spend my future with. But that is so much time to spend apart from each other. I miss him terribly and he tells me the same. There is a lot of trust in our relationship and so I'm not worried about infidelity at all. But I am concerned about how much time we will be spending apart.

    I know it's selfish of me to be upset for him to be gone when I get back because it's an amazing opportunity and he's been so supportive of my travels, but truth be told it makes me sad he may not be there when I return.

    So my question is, has anyone ever been through a circumstance similar to this? Do you have any advice how to make this easier? How can I support him even though I'll be so sad to not see him? It's not set in stone that he will get this promotion, but I want to be prepared because it's very likely that he will.

    #2
    I can feel you and it is not easy. I think that no matter what, this is probably something you both have to go through. I know that this would have been a perfect oppurtunity for you both to be together after being apart from each other for so long. But at the same you both also have your own life to go through as well.

    Right now you're not able to spend time together because of what's unavoidable. Maybe we can look a bit in the future instead. Getting a promotion is a very good thing and is good for his future and perhaps for you two. Since marriage and stuff is not the easiest thing and finance can play a big part in it. So, maybe it will be a little bit painful now but perhaps because of this, it will help you both in the future.

    Something you could do if your boy gets the oppurtunity is that you guys can video whenever you guys are free. Like me and my girl, whenever we get home we will call each other on FaceTime and we have it on all day long. We don't talk all the time but it's just like being together, or coming home to your love after work etc. You said that you call each other twice a day, but maybe you could try this. That way you will feel him being with you more. Also if possible for you both, you could also sleep together with the video call on. Me and my girl do that all the time and now she can't sleep without me being with her when she sleeps.

    Long distance relationship comes with a lot of hurdles. And your situtation right now is probably one of them. At those times it might not be easy and might be painful. I believe going through these will only help deepen your love for each other. It also confirms that what you two have is true and serious.

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      #3
      You say the time difference is 18 hours... Effectively that makes it 'only' 6, of course. My lady and I have a 6 (in winter 7) hour time difference. It is manageble. For the rest it is best to keep busy, lead your own life and fit your boy in. That is what works best for my lady and me, actually. Even if you have the camera on as long as you're both home, you still can do your chores, cooking, whatever you're doing. Have a life besides your partner, as long as you don't live together.

      Before planning to emigrate, plan a few visits, first.

      I think MikeLee has given a good advice, too.
      Distance means nothing when someone means everything.

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