Feeling some doubt and worry...

[amorathi]

Hey guys. Lately I've been feeling some doubt in closing the distance with my boyfriend. It isn't because of us and our feelings because we love each other but it's just his parents. I know I've posted about our secret LDR and his parents before but lately with what's his dad has been acting these past few days (currently on a manic state) it's been making me scared that my boyfriend will not be able to come back. Im scared that we might not be together and I might lose him... I know I shouldn't but that feeling is just glued on my heart and mind all the time lately... (I'm also blammng PMS a bit and my anxiety). I'm worried about him proving to his parents that he is doing well in school, come back and then later telling them about us... Like I'm scared of their reaction particularly his dad and if they still take back their word on possibly letting him come back...

I love my boyfriend, I truly do. I see and want a future with him and he has told me the same too. I just want us to be together and close the distance in the fall semester like we both want and have the dream goal that we both want... He even told his mom that and she was like "You can't say that, you haven't had enough love experience"... Like stuff like that scares me (and angers me) and how his dad just constantly tells my SO what to do and will even take his car. I know I shouldn't let my worries get to me but I don't know what to do to shake this feeling... What if his parents doesn't let him come back and even if he tries to come back his dad will drag him back? (yes his dad has done that and threatens that) I guess I'm also hating and worrying about the fact of my SO has to put up with his dad's craziness and manic episodes which ties back into being scared of him coming back... Ugh.

my SO keeps telling me to not think about the bad and not worry about it now... But how can I? I try to think about us and the times we spend together but the doubt creeps back inside me or something. I hate being so worrisome... We don't want to lose each other which that's a great sign! His parents though... I just keep thinking things aren't going to work out with his parents... Yes, we are adults and we should make our own choices but what if his dad particularly doesn't let him? I'm also worried like... So my SO is planning to come visit me during his spring break with his parents thinking he is just seeing his friends (since we "broke up") and also we are planning a big trip to CO with his friends and I'm worried that if his parents knowing. I doubt they find out but should Will even tell them when he tells them aboit us later or even if he should?

I love him so much...So sorry if my thoughts are scrambled, just feeling like my emotions are just splattered everywhere. Thanks again for your time reading and hope to hear your thoughts. I'm truly grateful for all the support I've gotten from this site.

[c_denise3]

What do you mean, "drag him back?" Does he live with his parents? How old is he?

This is a very unhealthy situation he is in and he needs to get out of it as soon as possible if he can. It's not healthy for either of you to have to deal with the negativity of his parents and he needs to stand up to them, especially if he is of age to be able to leave on his own. Your relationship is your relationship and you shouldn't have to hide it from anyone. If they don't support it, that's all on them and is a reflection of who they are are people. If the love is true between the two of you, then that is all that matters. You and him are all that matters. Fight for your love and make it work. Don't let his destructive, abusive parents get in the way of a good thing. Best of luck!

[amorathi]

Hi c_denise3, thanks for your post! We are both 21 and in college. However, he recently was forced to move back home this semester to finish his AS because of his dad. After his dad changed his mind to let him come back to stay in OK to finish his degrees, he gave Will an ultimatum... Before he made the decision, my SO just wanted to come see me but his dad threatened him to drag him back home on the phone while he was driving from work to stop my SO from leaving. In the end, he never really got a choice. It's an unfair situation because he wants to stand up but with how his parents are, particularly his dad, it's hard because for him it's either his way or no way.

I agree with you too that it's a very unhealthy relationship with his parents and he believes that waiting to convince them and change their minds is the best scenario. He wants to wait after the semester to prove to them that he did well this semester, improved his lifestyle, and still maintained to stay in a relationship with me. However, I'm worried how his parents will react to that last part. I hate this hiding but he tells them now then they will definitely not let him come visit and do the trips that we had planned and put money into. I want him to leave on his own and I don't want him to be scared of the consequences... Because what is worse really? I get he has this feeling of obligation to his family, but with everything his parents did to us and how cruel it feels... How can he? His father is a destructive and ignorant man that doesn't realize what painful effects he has on his family and they won't do anything about it but accept it. That's not fair...

My SO and I are hoping that he can change their minds to let him come back and finish his bachelor's in the fall... But I'm worried especially about how his parents are... It seems like they try to bribe him by making him happy by paying for school, buying him nice food, and etc and I hate it. At least if they want to make him happy, let him be with someone who he wants to be with openly. Also, just how they believe my SO and I just broke up and ended like that like we meant nothing to each other... He wants to now try and bring me up to his mom (since she is the more "chill" on) to say how he still has feelings to prove that he cares for me no matter what. But his dad... The family relationship is like a dictatorship basically, that his mom can't really do much which is ridiculous because it's 2018. Anyways, just thinking about the situation, even today, got me breaking down a lot and I cried to my SO so much, but of course, since he's busy with family stuff and has to hide me he can't really talk and comfort me. I want him to leave... but he says to wait and be patient... It's just freaking hard.

c_denise3, thanks for your support and words of encouragement -- it really helps me get through the days. I hope to hear more from you! Thanks again!

[erwin1973]

It's a terrible situation, but about changing his parents minds, that's not going to happen. No way, if I read this. The best thing he can do is just break free from his parents.

[amorathi]

Hey guys, thanks for those who have replied. I really appreciate it!

Just an update... So some things have changed. My SO parents might be splitting and I am worried what that might mean for us. Now his mom is trying to find a job and move out (which might take another 2-3 months). My SO and I are kind of thinking that this might be more of a reason why he could come back because they wanted him to focus on school and be with family... but with this happening. If you know what I mean? But right now his dad is just acting like nothing happened and continue being his ignorant self basically. It's so frustrating. My SO did say to his mom that if/when they finally split he's coming back to OK because he's just tired of the nonsense because they forced him to come home, giving him no choice, and now with this they are basically asking what side is he going to take. We are also worried that when he coms back and gets no financial support from his parents what is our best move? Try to get more loans? What if his dad keeps his car? He wants to do what he says and come back... Unfortunately, my SO doesn't have much funds and he is currently trying to save but it's taking some time... He is just tired of the drama at home and just want to go away, because if he was still here with me he wouldn't have to put up with it...

Also, my SO is planning to come up during his Spring Break in less than 2 weeks but with the drama at home, I hope he can still come... I just keep getting excited when I get to see him but now getting more worried. This also includes our big trip we are planning to in May. I just want him back... Ugh. I just constantly think about him and miss him. I don't know what to do to help me stop. I try to distract myself by going to gym, study, be with friends and family but there is always something that just makes me miss him, think about him, and basically start crying...

There's just so many questions and worries... What's going to happen exactly when they split? Can he still come see me during Spring Break? The big trip we are planning is still happening? Is his dad going to let him come back to Oklahoma? What happens if he leaves finally but on his own? Can he still get his instate tuition? Just so many...