No one understands

[NYPeach]

I'm 800 miles away from my SO...he's in Jersey, I'm in Georgia. I'm here for grad school. This is my second year, so we've already been in a long distance relationship for over a year. But small things kept happening during the year, and they continue, and it just seems to be piling up. We've been together for a year and a half.

He's really such a wonderful boyfriend, and I don't want anyone to judge him...which is why I cant seem to talk to any of my friends. No one would be able to understand, but hopefully someone here will.

For some reason, being away doesn't seem to be a big deal to him. He doesn't send me things...no cards, no flowers, nothing special to serve as a reminder that he still loves me. I know that sounds selfish, but he's never done anything like that. He's never given me flowers..ever. But he knows that I like that kind of stuff. Is it wrong to be upset over this? I mean, he texts me every day for the most part...though his texts don't happen as often as they used to throughout the day. And when we skype, I'm SO excited, and will stay up even if I'm tired...but when we're video-chatting, he'll always be too tired after an hour and is always the first who needs to go.

We see each other once every couple of months. And when we are together, everything is great. Though he still doesn't do any romantic gestures. He always says that he's gonna take me out to some fancy dinner but then never does. I'm worried that he's all talk. And he's never as sad as I am when we have to say goodbye. I know it's only a temporary situation, and it's almost done, but I need affirmation sometimes. That's normal right? Should I say anything? I don't want to offend him. I've mentioned to him once that I could use a little bit more romance, and he was very upset saying that he holds doors for me, plays piano for me and helps me with homework. I appreciate the things that he does do, but sometimes I need more. Especially because we're apart.

He really does treat me well though, and I love him very much. I don't know. I guess I just need to vent to someone who will understand.

[Rugger]

I know this feeling very well. My boyfriend copes a lot better with the distance than I do. I struggle hard with and he doesn't seem to mind it at all. It honestly makes me feel like I'm crazy.

If it bothers you, you need to talk to him. Tell him that you need more romance when you are apart rather than together. When you are together, you don't need as much because you can se it in his body language. When you are apart, you need it more because you don't see it.

[Jgui]

men don't show their emotions and feelings as much as we women do. some people don't like the virtual communications and thats why they act differently in person than over phone or internet. maybe he's more of a in person kind of guy?

i go through the same problem as you, my boyfriend is only 115 miles away but i go CRAZY if he doesn't call or text the whole day. but once we see each other it's like we're the ones in the world. if it's bothering you, bring it up to you and talk about it. he wouldn't know whats bugging you unless you tell him. i did and now he will call or text me whenever he has time.

[jiynx]

I definitely agree with Rugger, if you need more romance while you're apart, talk to him and ask him if he'll put a little more effort in.

That being said, what about you? Do YOU ever show him any romance? Maybe if you take initiutive, he'll follow along. Think about what you would like him to do, and do it to him. It's like what happens in the bedroom ;D If this doesn't float your boat, why don't you try doing something together for each other? Actually, right now my SO and I are making each other gift boxes. We set a date (Tuesday, if you're wondering) to send them so we should get them on the same day. Doing something together can help you feel closer when you're so far apart.

Hope you figure everything out. And don't worry, if you guys made it this long, I'm sure you can make it the rest of the way

[HollzHeartsChris]

My SO doesn't send me many things either, but he shows his affection and love in other ways. Some people are just like that. Maybe that's the way your SO is too. And perhaps the reason why it doesn't affect him so much is the fact he's coping with it better? I tend to be able to deal with the distance a little better than my SO does. If you want him to be a little more romantic, I suggest talking to him about it

[NYPeach]

Thank you all so much for the replies...I did a really crappy job of explaining and left things out because I was upset/it was late haha. To clarify:

I guess why I'm frustrated is because I put so much effort in, and he doesn't. For Valentine's Day this year, I sent him a box of goodies...all his favorite chocolates, a gift card to Dunkin Donuts cause he goes every day, and I also took those little Valentines (the ones everyone used to send in elementary school) and wrote a reason why i love him on each. And I made him a card. He didn't send me anything at all which made me really upset and caused an argument. He realized he was wrong and said sorry and that he would try and be more romantic.

I send him cards and little things all the time, even when I was in Greece for a month I sent him postcards because I know it will make him happy and make him feel special because he tells me it does. But yet he doesn't do anything for me. Sometimes this relationship seems very one sided or like I have a pretend boyfriend that's all in my head because nothing is ever reciprocated.

I have mentioned to him before that I would like a little more effort and romance and he said sorry and that he will try so much harder to do these things.....

[GatoGirl]

Hi, NYPeach,
YOur post reminded me of the 5 Love Languages. We tend to 'speak' one of 5 different languages when it comes to showing love and affection, and we rarely speak the same language as our partner. We also tend to show our partners our love the way we like to have it returned, which means that both sides are missing msgs the partner sends about how much they care.

Here's the 5 Love Languages:
Verbal appreciation
• Quality time together
• Receiving gifts (jewelry, cards, flowers)
• Doing things for your partner (chores, cooking meals, etc.)
• Physical Touch (holding hands, hugging, making love)

Sounds like you like to receive and therefore give gifts. Your SO probably doesn't 'speak' that language of affection, and may do other things to show affection. My hb is this way. I will never get flowers, jewelry, or cards. What I do get is my oil changed on time without ever having to ask, my house payment made (the one I live in, not the one he lives in), my property taxes paid (even though he lives in a different state), etc. He could care less about gifts--they are just not on his radar--so what I do to show him how much I appreciate him is cook his favorite foods when we are together, mend his clothes, and clear my schedule so that when we are together, there's nothing else interfering. It took me a while to figure this out.

There's some more info on Love Languages, although not much really, at https://contracostamenscenter.com/pdffiles/5hours.pdf