I wanna give a long update on everything, but all I can say is this.
I'm tired. Class is near the end and it's exhausting and exciting, but now NOBODY will get off my fricking case about clinic hours. My classmates are all super cool about it and proud of me for finally being able to do stuff without always being afraid of everything, and they think it's good that I do things at my own pace, but of course all the people who knew me since birth are being shitters about it.

It's bad when everyone knows it's time for me to stop living with my family for a bit and finally learn who I am in an independent environment. I need to do things my own way and my own pace. We all know I'm not amazing at any of this, but I can't handle being told to be myself and that I'm good enough, and then being nagged at for never doing enough. Hell, they FORCED me to schedule some Saturdays. FORCED. They did it and then told me it's happening. Fuck off. Lots of people do most of their clinic hours post graduation, but nobody nags THEM.
I even told them I don't do the clinic much because I am not treated like a regular student. Mom works there and so does her best friend and I can't work with two mom figures fucking stalking me and nagging me or coming in after I set the room in to do it right. LEAVE ME ALONE AND LET ME ADULT. YOU NAG AT ME FOR NOT ADULTING BUT YOU DON'T LET ME.

And they always turn it around on me. Whenever I'm nervous I get mad cause I'm so easily overwhelmed, but when I snap because they're suffocating me, I'M the asshole. Okay.

I need to travel around and maybe flat out get an apartment, but everyone who knows me knows this will never happen unless something big changes. I doubt I could get an actual job that pays more than just tips, because interviews have always gone horribly and I've only had two jobs ever. Then there's how I can't live alone and don't want a roommate who I don't know but all my friends are far away...

So there's all that and THEN I STILL have this freaking paper ID cause I went to get a federal one instead of an Alternate one so I can actually travel and the like, and they said it'd take 14-45 days.
NEVER EVER ACCEPT THAT. 45 DAYS WILL KILL ME. It has been 30 and I'm dead inside. Everyone won't stop asking me if it got here (the same people that force me to do clinic hours and stuff and are just generally parasites at this point, sucking away at what's left of my sanity) or if I filled out a passport application.
I tell them EVERY TIME. I don't see the point in filling it out till my actual ID gets here! People give me weird looks with my paper one and I hate it and it's all bent because I have to stuff a page protected 8.5x11 piece of paper in my purse.

I just want all of life to stop for a while and leave me alone!